


Which Way to Here

by DirtyEffinHippy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Art School, Bottom Eren Yeager, Depression, Explicit Language, Fluff and Smut, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Homosexuality, M/M, No past lives, Past Relationship(s), Plot, Slow Build, Smut, self discovery, sexual assault by noncanon nameless character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-04-16 23:23:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 44,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4643967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyEffinHippy/pseuds/DirtyEffinHippy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren, a struggling college student with social anxiety struggling to find himself in a world where he feels like everyone has it figured out but him. In a time where he feels like he is drowning, one man is patient enough to withstand every defense mechanism that Eren has to throw. That man is Levi Ackerman, a local psychologist with a penchant for listening and a weak spot for the boy with the startling teal eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Restless Nights

* * *

 

_This is more of an introductory chapter. Chapters to come will definitely be longer and the plot will slowly build. I have the entire story mapped out, with little changes here_

_and there. This story will be a "love" story between Levi and Eren, both of legal age. It's my first time in over 10 years of delving back into the world of fan fic so commentary and kudos would_

_definitely be appreciated! Thank you guys so much for taking the time to read my story! I hope you enjoy it as much as I am enjoying planning it!_

* * *

 

 

 

 _Another night I can’t sleep._ Restless legs tumbled in a never ending fight against constricting sheets, the heat underneath them battling against the chilled air outside of confines of the tiny, twin sized bed.

Sighs, _Another fucking night I can’t sleep …_ Eren’s thoughts tapper off in frustration. The desperation of wanting a good night’s rest paired with the claustaphobia of warring thoughts crushing its weight on his mind made Eren’s blood boil and the feeling of his skin constrict. It was all in his head, yes, but that didn’t stop the suffocating sensation of feeling too big for his body.

Eren lived in a quaint two bedroom apartment with his childhood friends, Armin and Mikasa. Because of his … issues … they came to the agreement that he could have the smaller room to himself leaving his friends to share the master bedroom between them. It worked out, Mikasa was impeccable with the way she kept the room and Armin was hardly there, instead choosing to spend his time at the resident library or his favorite local bookstore.

They were in their senior year of college. A big time for change. Would they separate? Would they remain connected in each other’s lives? Mikasa was one of the strongest people he had ever met. She was quiet but strong. She chose her words wisely and always had a knack for knowing what battles to choose. Others used to tease them about how “over protective” she was over Eren and Armin but they didn’t mind. It wasn’t unwanted; she cared for them – they were family. You don’t mess with family. Armin was almost Eren’s polar opposite. Where Eren was loud and ruthless, Armin was calculating and hopeful. His wide eyes always gleefully taking in everything around him. The kid loved to learn, always has. He was the first one of the three to learn to walk, talk and dammit if he didn’t know just about anything and everything there was to know in the world. The guy was a genius, Eren had always admired Armin in that way. Hell, he admired both of them. They were his family. They were so strong and so **important.** He couldn’t imagine a world without either of them, humanity needed people like Ackerman and Alert. Eren was proud of them; they’d do just fine in life. They both had what it takes. He knew that no matter what life had to throw at his closest companions, they wouldn’t let him down. Both were in healthy relationships, both juggling jobs and school as if it were the easiest thing in the world – both still managing to be the friend to Eren that he hoped he could be to them.

Not Eren, though. His nights were filled with fear of the unknown. He had never gotten along well with people outside of his little microcosm of childhood friends. Because of this, his relationships were short and hell. He couldn’t hold a part-time job to save his life and his grades were something to laugh at. He never knew why but for some reason, he just couldn’t get a grip on reality. No matter what was going on, for better or worse, he always felt on edge. He always felt like he was one step away from a panic attack and eventually one step away from his one big fuck up that would even chase his closest friends, no – his family, away.

When he first started going to school, he was majoring in computer technology – something that he could seclude himself away from people yet still make a proper living. It wasn’t what his dad really wanted, but it was a suitable compromise for not going into accounting like he wanted. Grisha was always good with numbers and felt that it was a proud occupation to be in. Eren, however, wanted to puke if someone asked him what 2 + 2 equaled. So no, no accounting for him. However, his ex boyfriend was a fantastic artist dabbling in paintings and messy sketches and that drew Eren into a world where he could escape to. A world he himself could create whatever safe haven he could come up with, even if it were just for a little while.

He couldn’t stand his ex. Jean was a piece of shit loud mouth that was constantly babbling off about stuff he didn’t understand but it wasn’t all bad and Eren would always be thankful to Jean for showing him an entire other world of art. Even if the bastard never shut up.

Grisha, however, was not so thankful. Especially when Eren confessed to changing his major to Art and Art History. That little confession resulted in Grisha angrily throwing a fit (and a couple of random objects lying around) and eventually cutting of Eren financially and demanding that Eren “get his shit together” before returning home. As expected, his friends were there to support him and that thought never really left his mind as he looked around his dark room knowing that he wouldn’t have any of it if it weren’t for his two roommates.

Eren knew they were too good for him. His mom was too good for him. Fuck, even his shitty exes were too good for him – and that’s saying something. It was no wonder that looking forward seemed such a daunting task – just look at the road traveled. The sad thing is, he didn’t have a particularly trying life but everything is so much harder when your worst enemy is your own head. If Eren could just get out if his own head long enough to breathe, maybe everything would get a little better. Maybe he could finally get a single night’s rest without tossing and turning. Without the night terrors. Or maybe that was all too much to ask for. Maybe it was. Hell, maybe this the rest of his life.

 _Only a few more months before I see if I sink or swim …_ Eren thought sullenly. _Fucking great._


	2. Monday Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little slow - Levi will be making his first appearance next chapter as it takes place the following Friday. Some familiar characters make their first appearance, as well, this chapter! I tried to incorporate some of my ships and I had to do a few of them at the request of one of my best friends ;) 
> 
> I hope you guys like it! This is my first hand at writing fan fiction in over 10 years so kudos and comments are definitely appreciated and welcome!

* * *

Insert Jean and Eren banter because I honestly can't get enough of it, especially since the latest chapter of the manga! 

Those two, I swear they crack me up! Mike makes a brief appearance and will show up more later. 

Enjoy! <3 

* * *

 

 

 

The sound of restless tapping lulled Eren into a meaningless daydream as he sat in the familiar classroom the following Monday. Tap. Tap. Tap. The sound of his pencil hitting the sketchpad continued at a dull pace while his unfocused eyes stared off into nowhere in particular.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

He couldn’t hear anything around him even though he knew his professor, an esteemed artist himself by the name of Mike Zacharius, spoke about affluent nature and becoming “one with your art” or something cliché’ like that.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Eren was suddenly whisked out of his daydream by a blunt force to the back of his head. He ducked too late as he looked down at the offending object; a tacky orange pencil bag with stupid faded stars decorating the side. With the revelation, he knew who the culprit was.

“Eren, if you don’t fucking stop with that damned pencil I am going to shove it so far up your a-…” Jean’s tirade was cut off by the professor yelling abruptly, “Language! What did I say, you two?!”

The brunette ignored his teacher’s warning completely, instead turning his piercing gaze onto his ex – the most annoying man in existence with a face like a horse to boot. “What the actual shit, Kirstien?!”

He tumbled clumsily from his stool rearing to face Jean angrily, fists clenched at his side while staring accusingly at the wannabe punk brat in front of him. Jean’s left eyebrow was decorated with not one but three rings and another one graced the center of his lip. Eren knew there were other piercings – more secret piercings that he would rather forget. His two-toned colored hair was back to blonde on the top, though it has been known to change depending on the boy’s whims. It was green when they first started their relationship and Eren still couldn’t believe he gave puke stain the time of day.

“Aw, whaddya going to do, Eren? You gonna tap that damned pencil at me to death?” Jean’s tone was mocking and it drove Eren CRAZY. The brunette’s fist swung back in retaliation before a strong grip took hold of his bicep, bringing his arm up and behind Eren’s back in complete capture. His teacher’s breath felt hot on Eren’s back as the boy grimaced at his position while Jean looked on with a cocky sneer on his face.

“Boys …” Mike sighed in resignation, “What am I going to do with the two of you?” The professor let Eren’s arm go with a subtle push while his free hand raised up to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Eren, Jean … just go. You are disrupting my class and we are so damn close to the end of the semester. Go unwind, the both of you reek of childish behavior. If you can’t sit down and shut up, then leave. And don’t come crying to me if you do not make it to graduation.”

Mike turned on his heel making his way towards the front of the classroom once more and mumbled what sound like “This is the new generation, God help us all.”

Jean gave Eren a rough shove out of the classroom and then pushed past him, knocking into his shoulder while doing so with a click of his tongue and a pissed off look on his face. “Dude … what is your problem!? Can’t you be normal for like 1 whole day,” Eren grumbled angrily at the boy to which Jean replied with a surprised huff of laughter, “Me be normal?! That’s rich, Eren, that’s really rich coming from you. I would knock some sense into you but I don’t feel like carrying your crying, scared ass all the way back to Mikasa’s place.” Jean took in another deep breath, “Just piss off Eren. You’re so fucking annoying, I can’t stand that we’ve spent our entire college career stuck together, this is supposed to be a FUN time and instead I’m stuck with your creepy ass.”

Eren’s eyes widened a little at that and was ashamed to admit that those words had stung a little bit. Jean wasn’t prince fucking charming but neither was Eren and he knew that he was the reason the two never would have worked out. They put each other through hell but Eren couldn’t entirely put all of the blame on the other boy.

He instead scoffed defensively, “Well excuse me, Princess for taking up your precious time. Don’t you have some hay or something to roll around in, horseface?” Teal eyes glimmered with defiance as he tried to hide the sting Jean’s words held.

Jean just shook his head letting out clipped laugh as he rolled his eyes at the boy. “Cute nickname, moron … it wasn’t funny the first thousand times you said it and its not funny now.”

Eren sneered back at him, “Neigh neigh, motherfucker.”

As they continued making their way through the old art building trading insults and occasionally knocking into each other forcefully, the pair of feuding exes ran into – quite literally – a brick of a man. A strong hand reached out and caught Eren by the shoulder, steadying him before he could teeter backwards - a huge boom of laughter followed. “GUYS!” the loud voice bellowed. “I was just looking for you lovebirds, how’s it hangin’!?” Reiner’s voice was loud but always seemed comforting. Big brother Reiner, couldn’t look past him even if you tried. The guy was a rock. I mean, really – how does somebody even get that in shape? Eren would swear that his eight pack had an eight pack and that those eight packs were in the process of breeding more eight packs. Blonde hair shot in every direction as golden eyes glittered down towards the pair. The friendly giant, which was Reiner’s nickname with their circle of friends. Yeah, he looked like he could rip somebodies head off with one hand tied behind his back but in reality, he’d rather buy a couple rounds of beer and talk sports.

Eren looked up at the giant with a sheepish grin on his face, playfully punching him in the stomach (not like he’d feel it). “I think your man boobs broke my nose,” he joked bringing the bigger man into a fit of laughter while Jean rolled his eyes, a small smile also ghosting across his face. “Gee, Reiner, you should have let Eren run into you harder, maybe you could have fixed that ugly mug of his”. Eren shoved at Jean’s shoulder only half serious, “Har, har … you are sooooo funny”.

Reiner’s large hands rose up and clasped the two boys’ shoulders in a friendly show of affection, “You two – I swear, I’m feeling the love, just like always.” The larger man took a step back coughing into his giant mitt of a hand before regarding the two friends in front of him. “So, Annie is still wanting to get everybody together at the new bar that opened up on Huntington by the old bowling alley to celebrate her internship – you still good to go right? It’s this Friday, remember?”

Oh, crap. Eren actually didn’t remember. As Jean and Reiner talked out the details, Eren just stood there nodding along not really paying attention to what they were actually saying.

He didn’t do well with crowds and especially didn’t do well with crowds where his friends were all there paired up in happy little couples. It made something inside Eren’s stomach coil with a hollowness that he still wasn’t used to. He’d never have that, he couldn’t imagine ever being able to let someone in enough to have that or anyone that was resilient enough to put up with all of his baggage. He knew it would be like any other time they all got together. Armin would be doting on his girlfriend, Annie. Bertolt would be attached to Reiner’s hip while Mikasa had her boyfriend that she met in class a few years back and worked with at Starbucks. And don’t forget that Jean had Marco but that didn’t stop them, if they got drunk enough, from having angry “payback” sex at night and crippling disgust and regret the following morning. Marco was a good kid but Eren was glad that Jean was shitty enough of a person to not have the decency to come clean. They didn’t like each other, Jean and Eren, and Marco shouldn’t suffer because their libidos couldn’t handle shots. Marco and Jean deserved to have a chance at some kind of relationship, even if his lower half didn’t quite agree.

A flick of a finger in between his eyebrows brought Eren back to reality and out of his thoughts with a familiar scowl on his face. The look alone made Jean laugh way louder than he should have, “You look so stupid right now. Wipe the drool of your face, you nasty.” Eren brought his sleeve up to wipe the corner of his mouth, “Speak for yourself,” he grumbled into his hoodie.

Reiner gave a huge smile and a thumbs up. “So we good?” The two boys returned the thumbs up reluctantly. “Excellent, see you on Friday, don't forget!” The blonde kept walking, making his way past the pair laughing and shaking his head happily.

Jean was whipping out his cellphone to send out a text. Eren noticed it was to Marco, so he politely looked away and started walking. “See you on Friday, Horseface. Figure out to hold your liquor by then.” The grumbles were just loud enough for Jean to hear as his head swiveled towards Eren’s retreating figure. “Pfft, says the guy that can’t drink more than two beers before he becomes the damsel in distress …” he trailed of chuckling at his own joke.

Eren continued down the hallway preparing to head home. The class Jean so sweetly got him kicked out of was the last one he had for the day so the rest of it could be spent catching up on homework and maybe playing a few rounds of Call of Duty before his roommates got home. The familiar anxiety started to press against his lungs as he made his way to the parking lot. Thoughts of an eventful Friday stirred a small sense of dread in the brunette as he lumbered into his small car. With his head on the steering wheel and the sun mocking the boy’s disposition, he sighed trying to calm his nerves. _Gee and to think … it’s only Monday._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you guys so much for reading! Kudos and comments are super welcome, thank you guys again!


	3. Game Time, Sleeping Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING.
> 
> A little lengthier of a chapter but I wanted to give a small trigger warning in case it is an issue.  
> This chapter only mildly introduces Levi - the next chapter is his spotlight.  
> The trigger warning is that this chapter does contain alcohol, date-rape drug and insinuated attempted rape. 
> 
> It's not graphic at all, though the next chapter will be a little graphic. 
> 
> Just wanted to give a heads up in case that is an issue. It's towards the end of the chapter :)

* * *

Kudos and Comments are definitely welcome, they completely make my day! 

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy! 

* * *

 

 

 

 

The bright lights of Target were edging on Eren’s headache. Since he knew he had plans later on tonight, he decided to ditch Friday’s classes. It's college, he's allowed to skip every once in a while. And, uh, hello – holy hell, that price of tuition though. Clearly that's paying for some impromptu vacation time too. They were easy classes anyway, he was sure that no one would even notice he ditched.

Friday afternoons are busy, apparently, at grocery stores. Eren wished he would have thought about that beforehand before making the trip to pick up a few essentials. New razors, mouth wash, condoms (because who knows, right?) and cheese sticks. Don’t judge.

The week had been uneventful, just like every other week. Classes, no job, sleep, eat, and repeat. Everything was just peachy keen and hey, Eren managed to make it through the week with only TWO intensely stressful panic attacks. _Yay me._

As he walked through the aisles narrowly escaping making eye contact with strangers say like, oh who knows, a normal human being, his eyes quickly scanned the aisles for anything he forgot to think of that he needed. The dull buzzing of conversation, kids screaming, vague instructions being made over the intercom – nothing was out of the ordinary as Eren made his way through the store for the things he came for.

Tossing the pack of condoms in the cart and throwing in a case of bud light for good measure, he began to make his way towards the front to check out. As his pitiful haul began to be loaded onto the conveyor, he dug out his phone to check the time while he waited for the person in front of him to hurry up. He didn’t even feel the boy come up behind him before a gentle hand tapped him on the shoulder. Eren looked up to see a tall boy with, swear to shit, the cutest freckles ever. His slightly shaggy brown hair brushed up and out of the way of those stupidly adorable brown eyes. “Hey, Marco…” Eren grumbled, trying his best to sound not like he wanted to hop the cash register and bolt to the door.

Marco still made him uncomfortable to be around one on one. For several reasons. Take your pick: fucking Eren’s ex (although knowing how innocent Marco is, it would probably be “making love”. Gag) for one typically makes for awkward encounters. Pair that with Jean and Eren’s habit of getting sloppily drunk together and dicks accidentally landing where they shouldn’t be, it’s just a whopping good time anytime Eren is forced to interact with Freckled Jesus over here. It doesn’t help too that Marco grew up in a very conservative and religious home so Eren, with his foul mouthed ways, never exactly knew how to talk to him comfortably. Marco took it like a champ, though – so there’s that. Good kid.

Luckily, these one on one run-ins were pretty rare, so the massive levels of discomfort could be waded through.

Marco’s smile spread wider on his tan face as a slight blush crept along his cheeks. The boy was the shyest motherfucker Eren has ever met, he still couldn’t believe that Jean managed to snag somebody like him. Opposites attract, or whatever. “I hope I didn’t bug you, I didn’t realize it was you at first – I hardly ever see you outside of school”. Eren’s face scrunched up trying to remember if they’d ever really hung out before … huh, guess not that often.

Eren shrugged, his hand coming up to scratch at the back of his neck nervously. “Oh, yeah man – just picking up some stuff for tonight. A…Are you coming out with Jean, or …?” Man, get a grip. It’s just Marco, stop with the nervous stutter, Jesus Christ. Marco’s eyebrows raised a little in thought, “Oh, you mean Annie’s thing? Yeah, I think so! Jean mentioned something about it. Are you going to be there?” Eren gave a short nod of affirmation and boy wonder’s smile grew even bigger. “That’s great! It’ll be fun to hang out some more! I feel like you’re the only one in the group I don’t ever really get to see outside of college. Plus you can help me with Jean, you know how he gets when he drinks too much,” Marco said jokingly. Eren’s eyes got bigger as a scoff of laughter erupted from his throat before he got a chance to stop it. “Ha … yup. I definitely know how he gets when he’s drunk”. The irony … it’s really too much sometimes.

The lady in front finally finished loading up her bags into her cart before leaving, giving Eren a chance to check out. A brief greeting from the cashier and a knowing grin on Marco’s face as she rang up the condoms were all that took place before he was ready to head home. “Hang tight for a sec,” Marco called before Eren could make his getaway. The brunette shuffled out of the way so that Marco could finish getting his change before cramming it into his pockets and turning towards him. “Walk you to your car?” Marco asked innocently.

Seriously?

Freckled Jesus, ladies and gentlemen.

The two boys made their way into the parking lot as Eren tried to remember where his car was. After a few missed attempts, he finally found it a few rows over as him and Marco made their way to load it up with today’s purchase. They chatted, very casually. How’s class? How’s Jean? Heard anything about graduation? Simple things, casual things. But that was fine with Eren, casual meant safe and usually mean that he could keep a cool head and not blurt out anything unnecessary. Kind of like ‘oh, by the way, I was drilled by your boyfriend in the bathroom stall at Taco Bell last Tuesday’. Things like that.

After a few more minutes and a couple of lame jokes on Eren’s part later, the two finally parted as he made his way back to the house. Mikasa wouldn’t be there, she was staying late at her job, but maybe Armin would be. The blonde already promised him that he would go with Eren tonight to the bar, so he wouldn’t be in his typical niche at the library.

As he pulled up and into the assigned parking, he grabbed his bags and began to make his way inside waving at his neighbor Connie along the way. Once inside, he dropped the bags by the front door before removing his shoes and padding into the living room, cheese stick already in hand.

As expected, Armin was sitting on the love seat – a book open in his lap and two more by his feet. It didn’t even look like he had heard Eren walk through the front door.

“Hey buddy.”

Armin just shooed Eren away with a brief glance and a grunt of acknowledgement. There's just no getting in between a man and his knowledge. Not if interested in keeping a foot from going up asses.

Eren grinned at his childhood friend knowing not to take it personally. Armin is infamous for going days at a time with his nose in book. His friends learned their cues when it was safe to get more than a two word response from him. Armin was in no way like Eren when it came to crowds, but he’s definitely the type to prefer staying at home with a good book or movie versus going to a bar so this was probably just the blonde’s way of decompressing before going out into the real world with Eren.

Eren = social anxiety ridden hermit.

Armin = introverted genius.

Big difference.

Crashing backwards onto his bed, Eren leaned over to snatch his drawing pad from underneath his the top mattress. Some kids stash their porn under there, art kids stash sketch books.

He flipped to a clean page and grabbed a piece of broken off charcoal from his nightstand, making broad, concise strokes on the textured paper. A few flicks of his wrists, shading with his fingertips causing grey to smear on his hands and a couple of muffled “shits” later, he looked down at his doodles. It wasn’t anything particularly important, just something to keep him in the habit of creating art. He didn’t want to ever let a day go by where he didn’t create _something_. If he was going to get disowned for choosing this path, he was going to make sure he was damned good at it. Who knows, maybe he’ll get famous and he can rub it in his dad’s face. Maybe.

Probably not.

The doodles were nothing special. Landscapes were his favourite. This particular landscape had hills of little flowers and a young boy and girl underneath a large tree. Eren briefly flirted with the idea of grabbing his coloured chalks to fill in the flowers. Maybe a blue or violet, but thought that it was too much effort. At least for right now. He had a couple of hours before the pair needed to make their way to meet with their friends and he still wanted to shower and maybe take a little nap.  

A warm shower, loose fitting sweat pants and another loud flop on the bed was just what Eren needed. Checking his phone to make sure he was still good on time, he decided to close his eyes. If he fell asleep right now he’d have an hour to power nap before him and Armin needed to head out. The bar, Bar Rose, wasn’t far but it was still new and a Friday night in a college town so they wanted to leave plenty early to find parking before the hordes of drunk kids roll out.

With a sigh, he nestled further into his pillow, his eyes fluttered closed. It took him only a few minutes to drift off. Sleep always came easier during the day time and even easier after a week of not sleeping. There were no dreams, only a comfortable rest, which was much needed.

Eren could hear something, though he wasn’t fully awake yet.

It’s almost like a buzzing sound, but all he can see is black.

As Eren is in the process of waking up from his slumber, the buzzing only became more persistent before dropping off completely.

His eyes squeezed tighter before slowly opening. While his vision slowly returned to him, blinking away the last remnants of sleep, the buzzing came back and louder than ever in the quiet of his room.

“Holy hell …” he grumbled reaching blindly under the covers for his cell. He grabs it just in time for the buzzing to stop once more, finally finding the phone a second too late. He looked down at the, wow ok, way too bright screen to see that he had 3 missed calls. One from Connie, one from Reiner, and one from a number he didn’t recognize. No voicemails, so it couldn’t have been that important as he realizes that he slept a little later than he meant to. They were about 10 minutes late and weren’t even out of the house yet. He rolled off of the bed ungraciously before throwing on his already worn jeans and a plain black t-shirt. Throwing open the bedroom door he sees Armin hasn’t moved yet, but this time, he looks up as Eren walks into the living room.

The blonde’s blue eyes shown up towards Eren with a glimmer of humor taking in the state of the bed head he was sporting. Armin let out a little chuckle as he stood up to try to do something with it. “I was gonna wake you up,” he started, flicking the hair in whatever way he thought would stick, “I figured you could use the sleep though. It’s just a sports bar, who cares if we’re a little late?”

“Ugh, sorry dude … I should have set an alarm or something. Hey, did you Reiner get a hold of you, I had a missed call from him and Connie.”

Armin nodded, “Yeah, he was just making sure you weren’t going to back out at the last minute like you usually do” he said giving a playful wink. Eren couldn’t even deny it, he totally does that all the time, much to his friends’ chagrin. “Oh, come on,” Eren said, trying to pretend to be at least a little offended, “I’m not THAT bad.”

Armin just rolled his eyes with a scoff, “Uh-huh, sure you aren’t. When’s the last time you went out?” Armin’s at full cheeky mode. Good, at least one of them was in a good mood about going out.

“You shush,” Eren said playfully, giving him a small shove towards the door. “Are we leaving or what ‘cause I still have time to back out of this thing.”

The blonde laughed again, “Oh no you don’t mister. If I have to go, you’re going with me. Am I driving or you?”

With Armin’s history at being the responsible one, they decided it was best if he drive instead of Eren in case the brunette had a little bit too much to drink. Which, if he were honest, happens almost any time they all go out. What can he say, beer makes for a good social courage boost. He’ll take what he can get. Making sure all of the lights were turned off and shoving a spare condom in his wallet, they made their way out of the front door to head to the bar.

Turns out more people than he originally thought turned up to celebrate with Annie. As soon as they walked in the glass doors, Armin went straight to give his girlfriend a chaste kiss on the cheek. Next to them were Reiner and Bert, then Jean and Marco, and Mikasa and her boyfriend. Connie and Sasha were there too, splitting a plate of mozz sticks. Ymir and Christa were hanging back by the bar, the taller girl towering over her girlfriend, which was really appropriate considering how overprotective she was over Christa. Not really a bad thing though, the small blonde was WAY too trusting when it came to other people. Ymir – eh, not so much.

A quick flick around the bar showed that it wasn’t too bad, not too crowded and not too loud. It was darker, too, which appealed to Eren for some reason. The neon lights behind the bar of different beer brands cast a homey red and blue glow to the rest of the place while the several T.V.s displayed around the walls all broadcasted different sporting events. There was a jute box in the corner and a few cigarette machines framing the entrance to the bathrooms.

For being a ‘new’ bar, it sure did look worn in.

Everyone came together comfortably, alcohol of choice in their hands. Once Armin and Eren, the last ones of the group, arrived – everyone chose to move to a large booth near the back. As Eren walked behind Jean and Marco, he was catching up with Mikasa with light conversation as he looked back towards the bar. There was a man sitting in the corner, almost pressed against the wall. He looked almost uncomfortable to be there, like the bar was too dirty or something. Eren couldn’t get a good look but from what he could see, he was pretty hot. A little older, but the way his black hair framed his angular face and … that undercut? Ummmf. Yes, please. The man was sitting next to a taller person with a messy brown ponytail. That person was speaking erratically, hands going everywhere while Mr. Cheekbones listened on with a bored expression, his narrowed gaze frequently flickering over to the other side of the bar where Eren noticed there was a group of five or six guys. They were your typical college jocks and Eren could tell that half of them were already completely plastered.

Eren shook his head and his attention was brought back to his group as he settled in the booth beside Mikasa. Nobody else knew a whole lot about Eren’s ‘issues’ other than Jean of course, but Armin and Mikasa always let him have the aisle seats when they could help it. It made Eren not feel so trapped and made taking a piss infinitely easier.

The night rolled on. Shots were given, friends were laughing – conversation of life in general … it wasn’t bad. Eren could even admit he was having a slightly better time than he thought he would. Only the occasional glance at Marco snuggling into Jean’s side made him a little queasy. Eren couldn’t tell if it was jealousy or just the thought of somebody touching horseface. Both. Both sounds good. And maybe some tequila mixed in.

Nestling his beer, he noticed that Ymir and Christa were heading out saying their goodbyes to everybody. Ymir slapping Eren hard on the back, surprising the hell out of him caused the rest of the table to laugh at the look on his face and mild embarrassment at spilling some of his beer. And of course, that had Connie yelling “Party foul!” followed by some obnoxious whooping noises.

Sasha announced that we needed more snacks which prompted the group to move the group back towards the bar before the kitchen part closed up. Reiner and Bert got stuck near the shitty end of the bar where the loud assholes from earlier still hung out, shouting at whatever team was playing at the time. Eren noticed that two of the guys kept gazing at Mikasa and then snickering between them quietly. _What the hell is their problem?_ Eren thought. As he tried to pay attention, he realized two things. One, he was way drunker than he thought, and two – he wasn’t the only one noticing the creeptastic side show. The cutie with the cheekbones at the other end also took notice of the loudmouths, his crazy intense stare zeroing in every time one of them would lean into the other snickering about whatever the hell they were on about.

Whatever, we are all having a good time. Fuck them, if they want to be creepy – none of Eren's business.

Reiner and Bert were the next to leave leaving Mikasa, Eren and Armin next to the group of strangers. Mikasa excused herself from the bar when her boyfriend received a call from home, promising to be right back. “Eren, watch my drink” was all she said, but he was too drunk and too engrossed in Sasha dangling melted cheese from her nose to really pay attention. We were all too busy laughing at Sasha and Connie both dripping cheese singing “I am a Walrus” way too loudly to notice anything around us.

Definitely too drunk to notice one of the jock guys slip something into Mikasa’s beer.

A few minutes later, her and her plus one came back in saying that they were going to head out. “Don’t wait up,” Mikasa leaned in so that they could hear her better, “I’m going to stay at his place tonight since his roommates are gone.” Mikasa looked at Armin seriously, “Make sure you guys get home safe, ok. I’m serious.” Her tone was quiet but authoritative.

That’s momma Mikasa for ya. Taking care of her babies.

Armin was already nodding knowing what she was going to say, “I haven’t had anything but ginger ale all night, and I’ll make sure to text you when we make it home safe.”

With that assurance, she turned on her heel to follow her boyfriend through the front – the strangers next to us eying her and Eren could swear he heard one of them mumble ‘Fuck’.

Eyeing her abandoned, almost full beer lustfully, Eren grabbed the glass bottle and downed it in one go. The stranger nearest him started laughing uncontrollably, which caused him to start choking on his drink while his other buds patted his back. All of them had knowing grins on their faces that would have set off alarms in Eren’s head if his head wasn’t too busy trying to get un-dizzy from the alcohol.

“This is priceless” one of them muttered.

“Fucking hilarious, that little faggot drank the whole fucking thing.”

A little bit of time passed by, though how much Eren wasn’t sure. He noticed that Connie and Sasha had left to play with the Jute Box while Jean and Marco were busy doing the grabby grabby.

Eren stood up shakily, pulling his smokes from his back pocket that he grabbed earlier from the machine.

“I’m … I’m …” he slurred to Armin, steadying on his feet. “I’mma go outside and smoke, kay? Berightback.”

Armin rolled his eyes. Being sober in a group of drunks was not as fun as it may sound. Giving Eren the thumbs up, he made his way to the side entrance that led to the alley between this and the next building over. He didn’t even notice when two of the guys from earlier got up to follow him.

He pushed lazily through the door as he shoved the cigarette in his mouth, cursing the lighter that refused to flicker on. He walked further down the alley to guard the pitiful flame from the wind that kept taking out his chance for nicotine-ey goodness when he heard the side door open once more. The two guys, holy hell were they built, came lumbering towards Eren. Both of them had stupid grins on their faces that just pissed him off.

He was way too drunk to be dealing with these guys. His vision has been going in and out since he stood up, which he only attributed to the shots earlier. Trying to focus his eyesight on the assholes in front of him, he said “What the fuck do you guys want? Fuck off.” He wasn’t sure if he said that sentence right. His voice sounds awfully slushy and everything around him tilts at a weird angle. Eren shoots out his hand towards the brick wall to steady himself as the guy on the left started undoing his belt. “Anytime, princess” he sneered at Eren. Eren didn’t understand what the fuck what was supposed to mean but when he went to tell him to fuck off again, the tilty feeling he was having got a whole lot worse. The next thing he knew he was on the ground on the verge of blacking out with the two strangers hovering over him. The one who spoke up earlier had his belt off completely, in the process of unzipping the front of his jeans as he declared “Show time, sleeping beauty”, sneering down at Eren and that was the last thing he saw before he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading! This is my first time in over 10 years writing so Kudos and comments are SO welcome and appreciated! <3 I hope you guys are enjoying it. It's going to be a longer story so the build up is a little slow. I'm so excited to see this story unravel, I'm very pleased with the outline! 
> 
> Enjoy!


	4. Further Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING 
> 
> This chapter took me awhile to write for personal reasons. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go this route. My first draft went into detail and, I know I'm sorry, but It was a little too much for me. Then I was going to cut it out completely and have Eren be 'saved just in the knick of time' but that didn't sit right with how I wrote the outline for this story. 
> 
> My poor baby went through so much. 
> 
> This chapter includes the aftermath of sexual assault. 
> 
> This chapter is where Levi and Eren are properly introduced but I wanted to give a warning if this theme is too much of a trigger. 
> 
> I hope you guys continue to enjoy the story - PLEASE DON'T HATE ME

* * *

 

_Sexual assault themes are present in this chapter. Graphic depiction not included_

_but the theme is there, just as a warning._

 

_Thank you for continuing to read my story - it's going to be a long one. I appreciate all the love and support,_

_enjoy the ride <3 _

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Is something moving?_

_…_

_Am I moving?_

_…_

Eren’s eyes tried to open, but the lids felt like they each had the weight of the world tied to them. He couldn’t feel anything, not really - his body had a strange suspended feel to it. Disconcerting … disorienting. Numb.

He had the vague sensation of his body being moved? That’s not right … something was moving. Eren tried once more to open his eyes but to no avail.

His hearing was coming back. He could hear … grunting? And laughing. An odd slapping sound was in the distance but maybe it was just a dream. He tried opening his eyes one more time … just a little bit.

Before Eren succumbed to the darkness one more time, he could have sworn he could hear the sound glass shattering, one final angry sound before silence.

 

* * *

 

 

If anyone has ever had the feeling of being awake but not being able to move or even open their eyes, then they know how terrifying it can be. Eren could feel his consciousness start to trickle back into awareness. His fingers, then his arms slowly regained feeling. He was still swimming in blackness as his body and mind began to prepare itself. The numbness oozed into a tingling flowing sensation through his extremities and a heavy nausea snaked its way making residence in the brunette’s gut. He could feel sweat trapping his hair to the nape of his neck giving off the odd feeling of being too hot and too cold simultaneously.

The nausea continued to build threatening to cause action as his eyes slowly began their journey to taking in his surroundings.

One unsteady blink.

Then another.

The fuzz of the unconsciousness slowly began to fade away as he blinked away the last of his slumber.

His lower back throbbed in a sharp sting competing violently with his stomach pains in a race to see which one could make the brunette more uncomfortable. It was a pretty even race so far.

His skin was damp, almost clammy.

His body apparently decided that moving his arm beneath him to hoist himself up was too much movement as he lurched abruptly to empty the contents of his stomach upon an all too familiar floor.

 _My room …_ Eren thought weakly.

Eren decided to leave the mess his stomach just made be for the moment, instead trying to piece together how he had somehow made it home.

He knew he drank too much if the queasy feeling was anything to go by but the rest was all a blur. The last thing he remembered was a Jaeger Bomb-off with Reiner and something about chimichangas.

There was a dull ache in his entire body as he looked down to assess any damages.

 _Holy fuck …_ his eyes widened … _what happened?!_

His pace became hurried as he took in the concrete burns on his hands and feet. Bruises kissed his hips beneath the sweat pants band and snaked along his lower back. His knuckles were torn, dried blood caking the damage. There was a bite mark on his chest, already turning a not so lovely shade of brown.

He rushed over, narrowly avoiding stumbling head first into his dresser on his way doing so, to his bathroom mirror. His eyes looked sunken in and he noticed a small hint of a black eye, maybe?

_Jesus Christ …_

He leaned forward to turn his faucet on so that he could clean off the grime on his face. As he straightened up, the cold water dripping carelessly down his face, he suddenly jerked still – his left hand slamming onto the sink’s surface to offer a still surface to stabilize himself. A horrendous pain shot up from his lower spine and, fuck it all, if his ass didn’t HURT.

He again tried to retrace his memory of any hint at a possible hookup. He briefly thought, in horror, of a night with Jean but quickly dismissed it. Jean was an asshole but he knew how to bone. Eren wouldn’t be hurting like this. This felt like … brutal. Just … just really, really brutal.

No memory came, however. Only fuzz and nothingness. He reached to pull an old t-shirt over his cold shoulders as he heard a few soft thumps on his closed bedroom door.

“Eren?” came Armin’s tentative voice. He sounded almost like he was hoping the brunette was still asleep.

“Y-yeah …” Eren managed to croak out, the events of the previous night clearly not fully shaken off yet.

“Yeah, I’m up, gimme a sec”.

He heard footsteps and a few unintelligible murmurs on the other side. Probably Mikasa, he couldn’t think of who else it would be.

He pulled a fresh pair of shocks out of the hamper – no matter what Eren did, he couldn’t shake the feeling of just being cold. Not a normal chill, it felt like his bones were ice. Eren just didn’t feel **right.**

He clamored his way through the door making his way into the living room. Walking. Yeah, walking’s not the easiest thing to do right now. He straightened up and then froze.

_Captain cheekbones?_

“Uhhh … Armin?” Eren asked looking from the boy and the cute raven haired stranger from the bar.

He was sitting in the oversized chair near the dining room table. He was still wearing the same clothes from the night before only now he looked exhausted and sporting a nice little nick above his eyebrow. It looks like he didn’t even try to clean it, if the dribble of crusted blood framing his face was anything to go by. 

Eren felt uncomfortable … the cutie from the bar was giving him an intense glare, his entire focus zeroed in totally on Eren’s face like he was being appraised or something. That thought didn’t really make Eren feel any better.

“Hi?” Eren inquired, albeit a little more awkwardly than he meant to.

The stranger’s gaze narrowed notably but Eren noticed he remained sitting.

Eren made his way to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, “You guys want anything, I need to make something to get rid of this killer hangover – next time, do me a favor and DON’T let me drink so much, yeah?”

Armin followed him into the kitchen, footsteps barely making a sound.

“Eren?” he spoke, just as quietly as before.

The tone made him turn to look at his blonde friend noticing the worry etched deeply into Armin’s expression.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Eren cooed calmly, “What’s up? Everything ok?”

At that, his childhood friend completely lost it. The blonde’s knees seemed to buckle right underneath him as he collapsed into a kneeling position. Face firmly planted into his open palms, soft sobs racked the boy’s shoulders.

Eren stood there, shocked for a split second, before he knelt down next to his friend making small circles on his back with his hand hoping to calm him down. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Levi make his way to the two boys, face as stoic as ever – still intensely staring.

“I’m s-so sorry, Eren … I didn’t mean to leave you alone. I just – I thought you’d be gone for a second, I d-didn’t … I didn’t think anything was going to happen…” Armin continued to cry, his voice sounding so pitiful it was breaking Eren’s heart.

He was so confused by his words. None of this made any sense. What had happened to make his friend so upset?

“Hey, Armin – everything’s fine, I’m fine – see?” He was sitting directly in front of him now trying his best to make the blonde look at him and feel at least a little more at ease.

“Eren …” he trailed.

A small noise came from the stranger’s throat.

“Eren? May I call you that?” he inquired.

The other boy’s brow furrowed in confusion looking up at the raven haired man. “Uh, sure … I guess?” Eren stood up casting one more worried glance at his friend, which he noticed was wiping his nose sloppily with his sleeve, before turning his attention to the stranger. “No offense, but why are you here?”

_Please let this be the hottie I hooked up with. Please let this be the hottie I hooked up with._

The stranger clasped a hand on Eren’s shoulder, giving it a little squeeze before dropping his hand once more.

“Eren … my name is Levi. Can you tell me what you remember from last night?”

The man’s voice was … authoritative but oddly soothing. Something about it just commanded attention and Eren wanted to give him all of that attention and more if it kept cutie McCuterson in his apartment.

He let out a little snort of laughter, “Not much, man. Tell you what though, I’ve got some battle scars. Did I get in a fight or something?”

He noticed that Levi’s gaze softened just a little bit before he was ushering Eren to sit back down on the couch. The man walked as though he owned the place or, at very least, had been here numerous times before.

He knelt in front of Eren taking his hands into his own.

“Eren … something happened last night at the bar. Something that should never have happened but you are in a safe place now. We’ll do whatever it is you feel comfortable with.” Levi looked up at the boy, patiently waiting a reaction.

“Uh,” Eren spattered eloquently (not), “ ‘scuse me, what? What are you talking about?”

Levi gave a small nod before drawing in a deep breath.

“Last night I watched you and your friends at the bar and I know you noticed the group next to you – the sporty types?”

_Uh, you watched us? Ok, a little creeptastic. Where the hell is this going?_

“Ok … ?”

A small pause hung heavily in the air before he continued.

“I believe that you were drugged, although I suspect you weren’t the original target. Have you heard of something called Rohypnol?”

Eren took a second, his mind kind of reeling from still handling the hangover and dealing with this stranger.

“You mean like the date rape drug?” he inquired.

“Yes, that. You …” Levi sighed, his fore-finger and numb massaging the bridge of his nose. He sighed and began again, “I believe you drank something that was originally intended for your other roommate. Mikasa, was it?”

Eren just nodded numbly.

“I felt as though something was … off about the bunch. I noticed a few warning signs here and there but I’m too old for bar fights, I don’t usually feel the need to swing my balls around to brats proving I’ve got the biggest ones in the room – I figured, not my monkeys, not my circus.” His tone dropped cautiously. Eren could tell it was difficult for the man to say whatever it was he was trying to say.

“That’s when I noticed you leave towards the side entrance. I could tell something was definitely wrong by the heavy way you hit the door on your way out. Moreso, I saw the predatory way two of those assholes looked at you before following. I … I tried to get up right then but my colleague … Jesus, they never know how to just shut the fuck up,” He muttered the last part, biting off the final word in frustration. “By the time I managed to get the break I needed while they caught their breath I …”

Levi looked to the right of Eren’s face, his eyes briefly losing their focus before snapping right back to Eren’s with a renewed determination.

“I saw them assault you. Sexually. The details aren’t important but you were penetrated by both men and I think, as a professional, that you should be seen. As a psychiatrist, I would be more than willing to accompany you to the ER – they can perform a rape test kit and give you some medicine to prevent any sort of disease.”

Eren’s world was spinning wildly around him, that familiar nausea coming back for seconds.

“Wait, wait wait – hold up… hold UP … you’re going too fast. What?! What exactly are you saying, I don’t understand…” Eren’s mind was sluggish but somewhere in his brain he was already up to speed – he was just hoping – praying – that he heard wrong. “Dude … wait, what?”

“You were a victim of sexual assault, Eren. I’m so sorry. I understand this is hard but I feel it would be best if you were to be seen. I was able to get them off of you and luckily your friend was sober enough to call the police, but they ran off before they arrived. If you decided to press charges, being seen medically will help that.” Levi tried to be soothing but hell, everyone knew that wasn’t the raven haired man's forte. The best he could offer was a solid support and hope for the best.

Levi was startled out of his reverie when he heard Eren nearly choke on a fit of abrupt laughter.

“So … what … you’re saying I was a boy toy for some fucking pervert rapists? Cops aren’t going to give a shit about a fag like me – they’ll just say I was ‘asking for it’.” Eren couldn’t believe it. He didn’t find it funny but he couldn’t stop the laughter from spilling out of his mouth – it was getting hard to breathe through the fits and that forced him to realize that his ribs also took some damage. They fucking hurt like hell.

Levi’s eyes narrowed once more.

“Fuck them, do this for you then. You are better than that scum, you don’t know what they had. I’ll come with you, I was a witness. And if you decide not to press charges? That’s your choice. No one is going to force you to do anything but if you care about yourself, please at least let a medical professional take a look at you.”

The last of the laughter died off.

Eren felt the chill again but this time it had a different form. This chill came from a cold place inside of him. A place he goes often and can’t always explain why. He felt that chill worm its way into Eren’s gaze and he knew the dead stare he was giving this stranger. He felt the emotion drain from his expression and looked Levi straight on with all of the sincerity he could muster,

“And who the fuck said I cared about myself.” He said coldly.

He stood up, stormed into his room, locked the door and slid down the length of the wooden barricade separating him from reality.

As he hit the floor, he felt the chill recede. Felt the reality crushing in. He knew they were right on the other side of the door but he couldn’t bring himself to bother with it.

He laid his head on top of his knees,

And wept for what felt like forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my story guys! Weekly updates, as promised. This is my first time writing in over ten years so kudos and comments are DEFINITELY welcome and appreciated! I love you guys, thank you so much!


	5. You Big Stupid Butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after math - the hero - and much needed teasing.

* * *

The aftermath. The ups and downs. 

The ups are what make trials bearable 

the downs are what keep us from forgetting. 

This chapter a little aftermath and some much needed teasing between Eren and Levi. 

Levi's profession is about the mind - leave it to him to let Eren feel some peace.

It's a little short - the next chapter will definitely make up for it! 

<3 

This ship will be the death of me. 

Anyway! Enjoy the new chapter! 

* * *

 

 

Three days.

Three days Eren stayed holed up in his room, never turning on a light, never daring to step outside.

Three days Mikasa would wordlessly set food on his dresser and leave him to his privacy. She knew better, Eren didn’t want to talk and she wasn’t going to push.

Three days he sat on his bed encased in darkness, only natural light giving any change to scenery.

Three days he sat looking the business card Levi had slid under his door with a cell phone number scribbled hurriedly on the back. Levi had tried numerous times to get the kid to open up. Countless offers, encouraging words and, eventually, frustrated obscenities. He knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere with the brunette, so at the very least he provided a means of contact.

Three days.

Three days of Eren feeling like he was suffocating.

Of trying desperately to shake off the drug’s blockade of memories.

Of trying to quell the nausea, the squeezing feeling of his insides. He felt as if there was a black hole right in the center of his body sucking in any comfort or ease. The black hole only reached out and bled the boy dry of any means to process much of anything, much less rationally.

Three days …

… Three days.

The fourth day his body was ragged, dirty, and feeling every bit cramped. He lumbered off of his bed, the first bit of movement in a long while. His joints popped and groaned at the effort and the lethargy was alive and doing its damnedest to convince the brunette to fall back into his cocoon. He couldn’t, though. Not anymore. His body needed something, some kind of stimulation. He needed a fucking shower.

He grabbed a Smiths t-shirt and a pair of sweats from his dresser, a clean pair of boxers as well.

He reached forward to flip the light switch on in his bathroom – the light so terribly bright that his eyes slammed shut in protest and a headache immediately started to form behind his eyes. Too much.

He decided against the light and instead began to shower in darkness. The water a few degrees too hot, his skin already beginning to redden as it began to assault his limbs forcing the static feeling to slowly shed away. The shower was dark, so dark he couldn’t see the remnants of that night. The bruises were hardly visible in the dim light and the scratches hidden completely away.

The steam continued to swirl around him, the heat pressing against him and daring his nauseous stomach. He cleaned his arms, his legs and everything in between. The musky aroma of his wash soothing him temporarily filling his mind with his present actions. The suds pooled at his feet as the temperature slowly began to drop until it reached the point where Eren knew it was time to get out. Part of him wanted to, the queasy parts of him, but the he also wasn’t quite ready to see anyone. He knew he couldn’t continue hiding out – he had already missed too much school and he couldn’t keep hoarding Mikasa and Armin’s worry. They’ve taken care of him – they’ve given him his privacy, his thoughts. He at least owed it to them to relieve them of their friend-like duties.

One more deep breath in preparation as his shaking hand reached for the door knob. Every movement felt like it was one movement too many. Too much effort. The desire to throw his hands up in defeat and go back to bed were strong with the boy.

He pushed the door open bracing himself for human interaction.

The human interaction that wouldn’t be happening right this minute, apparently.

His gaze took on a confused expression as he noted the empty apartment. He had thought that Mikasa would at least be here. Everything was clean, immaculate and empty feeling. Maybe it was Eren’s own projection, but if 'grey' had a feeling – the empty apartment was it. The late afternoon light giving everything a blue-ish gray tint, casting everything around him into neutrality.

The gnawing feeling returned to his stomach, he hadn’t realized that he was secretly hoping his friends were there. He was even hoping Levi would be here, though he wasn’t quite sure why he would be expecting that.

He made his way to the fridge. A handwritten note was attached via magnet on the front in a familiar cursive writing.

 

                                                                Eren, please eat something. I made your favorites.

                                                                Everything is in tubs, just throw the mac and cheese

                                                                in the microwave, there are Cheetos in the pantry.

                                                                No energy drinks. They are bad for you.

                                                                                                                     -          Mikasa

                                                                PS Call Levi, he’s been checking on you every day.

 

 _Call Levi? Hmm._ Eren pondered, nervous at the thought of making the phone call. Calling people was never really something he liked doing. He didn’t like not seeing the other person’s expression, he kind of felt like no matter what, he was bothering the person he was calling. Texting was just fine – it was practically meant for people like Eren. Minimal effort and a low chance of rejection.

 _Mmm. But first, gimme that cheesy goodness._ His stomach apparently agreed, if the monstrous growl that emerged from it was any indicator.

As he settled in with his giant bowl of comfort food and a Monster (Mikasa wrath be damned), he nuzzled into his favorite spot on the couch musing over his phone as the stranger’s business card balanced on his knee.

He already had Levi’s number memorized. During his seclusion, the small business card kept his attention. The handwriting was … scratchy. Really messy, like a doctor or something. Eren let out a low chuckle, _well duh, isn’t he a shrink or something?_

The apartment was too quiet. It made Eren feel uneasy - even more uneasy than the thought of making a phone call to a stranger. He needed a distraction and, right now, this business card had the means to a distraction - no matter how small it may be.

After quelling the last of his nerves, Eren’s fingers began to dial the now familiar number. The phone rang a few times before it was finally picked up. Eren could hear shuffling on the other end, a groan and then finally a voice.

“Ackerman” was the curt answer. Not really very helpful with an already nervous Eren.

“Uh,” he started clumsily “Levi?”

His voice sounded smaller than he would have liked. There was a brief silence on the other end before ….

“Would you get the fuck out, shitty four eyes – I’m on the damned phone. Christ … I’m sorry, what? Who was this?” The sound of shuffling on the other end grew louder.

“Um. It’s, uh,” well crap, what if didn’t even remember who Eren was? Doubt it, given what happened but that didn’t stave off the gnawing insecurity slowly building. “It’s, uh – it’s Eren. Is this a bad time?”

Another pause, “Eren? No, no … it’s fine. Just … hang on a sec.”

The brunette could hear the phone being put down on a hard surface and in the background heard the creepiest maniacal laugh he has ever heard. A voice boomed in the distance, “Is that your BOYYYYFRIEND?” the person sang followed by a loud thump and another barrage of insults of the many ways to talk crap about someone and their glasses.

A few more laughs, thumps and a few choice colorful words, Eren heard the phone being picked back up.

“Don’t. Even. Say. It.” Levi let out sternly.

Eren laughed at that, feeling a little more at ease. “I wouldn’t dare, consider my mouth shut.”

He mimed zippering his mouth shut, even though he knew the other man couldn't see it. He did, however, make the accompanying zipper sound so Levi got the picture. 

“Uh huh, sure kid.”

Eren could hear the flick of a lighter in the background and heard the older man inhale deeply. “So …” the raven haired man began as he exhaled what Eren could only assume was cigarette smoke. _Sexy._  “would it be redundant for me to ask how you are doing?”

“Peachy keen” the brunette sighed into the phone. “I guess my roommates are out so I thought I’d give you a call before Mikasa nagged me about it. She, uh, said you seemed kinda worried so I just wanted to say thanks and stuff … you know, for helping. And stuff.” He let out a nervous flutter of a laugh before he could hear the other side of the line return a slight, deep chuckle.

“And stuff, huh? Boy, youth today – so eloquent.”

“Youth today, eh? So what, are you the crypt keeper now?” Eren retorted.

Levi laughed at that, “I suppose I am. Once you hit 30, it’s all downhill from there. Now I just have to wait for the early bird special and senior discount, then I can die peacefully.”

This felt nice. For the first time since the bar, Eren felt … kind of normal. He and Levi traded mock insults and jokes for almost 30 minutes before he heard the front door open and saw a blonde head bob its way inside.

“Oh, hey – Armin’s back so I gotta go, old man. Didn’t mean to bug you for so long, sounded like I caught you at work.”

“Its fine – slow day. Which … in my profession, is nice every once in a while."

He took another drag off of his cigarette before he continued. "Hey, kid … I know you said you were doing fine but if you want to talk, my door is open. And no,” he pushed hearing the beginnings of a rebuttal “it doesn’t have to be in my office. I won't ‘shrink you’, as you put it.”

 _Oh, tingles. Hey, butterflies – how’s it hangin’?_ Eren thought to himself, a small smile forming on his lips.

“Sure – better make it early, though – I’d hate to keep an old man from his beauty sleep.”

“Oh really? Well I suppose that make sense, I would hate to keep you from your cradle for too long.” Levi fired back – the tone reassuring Eren that he was continuing their joking vibe.

Eren hissed in a breath mockingly, “Oh – that hurts, Levi … you wound me.”

A small scoff resounded in his ears. “I’m sure,” Levi replied sarcastically. “I’ll text you my address. I’m sure your roommates are sick of seeing my face by now. I’m free anytime this weekend, feel free to stop in. Just give me a heads up beforehand, should you decide to swing by.”

_Ok, I’m pretty sure these aren’t butterflies anymore – who the hell let a dragon fly around in my stomach?!_

“Sounds good, see ya then.”

“Right.” Levi replied before hanging up.

Short and to the point. Ha. Kind of like him.

He looked up with a smile on his face to see Armin giving him a knowing look, one blonde eyebrow arched high in question.

“Levi, I take it?” the blonde asked, having heard the end of their repertoire.

He began to put his books away and stashed his book bag behind the recliner like he always did. The routine was nice. Comforting. One more step closer to normality. He'd take it. 

“It’s good to see you smile, Eren … we’ve been worried about you the last few days, you know. How are you feeling?” He asked tenderly.

Oh, hey – and there is the crushing reminder of reality.

Eren frowned before pulling himself together. He worried his friends enough - he'd get through this - he had help. There was no reason to make them worry any more than they already have. 

“I’m fine, dude – those beefheads aren’t even worth the time. I’m over it, scouts honor.” He whipped out an exaggerated peace sign with his two fingers and flashed his best cheesetastic smile knowing his friend could see right through it, but Armin let him have his lie. For now.

“So, Levi huh? I know that face. That’s total crush face. You’re crushing on the psychiatrist, aren’t you!?” Armin playfully shoved at Eren’s arm, laughing at his friend’s horrifyingly embarrassed face.

Armin knew how to make Eren laugh - he always had. This, though - oh, man ... this was embarrassing. 

“What!? No! I just … want to say thanks, you guys told me to!” Eren’s face was dangerously close to making the boy spontaneously combust at any second. Of course he didn’t have ‘crush’ face! After everything that’s happened, there’s no way in hell he could possibly even think about having a crush. Helloooo, did the last week not even happen? Having … a crush … no, that’s stupid. There’s no way.

Right?

Be real, right? C’mon …

 _Just call me the damsel in distress, apparently. It’s just after-hero-ey feelings – the old guy totally saved my ass. Literally. Kind of._ He thought as his inner dialogue spiraled out while Armin continued his teasing accusations. The blonde started changing topics, getting super passionate about something to do with bees or something – how they got on THAT topic, Eren had no clue. But he wasn’t paying attention anymore. He was too busy thinking. He thought to himself that he didn’t LIKE like Levi – he didn’t even know him. He was just thankful – that’s all. _I mean, the fact that he’s beyond gorgeous and apparently can kick a whole lot of ass (according to Mikasa) was just a weird coincidence._ It didn’t mean Eren LIKED him … LIKED liked him. Right?

Eren brushed it off as gratuitous feelings and left it at that for now. He’ll hang out with Levi this weekend, he’ll say his proper thank yous and it will all be groovy gravy. No harm done. No embarrassing school girl blushes. It’s all good. It’s aaaaall good.

Just tell that to the butterflies …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY STORY! And for the kudos! And the comments! They make me so happy! I'm having such a weird/rough time in my life right now and this is definitely helping me sort through everything. I've already got the story completely mapped out - I can't wait to continue with these weekly updates. 
> 
> The comments and kudos definitely keep the drive to continue writing, so they are MUCH appreciated and absolutely encouraged. Thank you guys so much! 
> 
> I'm also on Tumblr, if you guys are as well: DirtyEffinHippy 
> 
> Thanks again! I'd love to hear what you all think of it so far?


	6. Wicked Grace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha, coffee and Jean - Oh, MY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter already?! I know, I know - I'm sorry! I just had it already written out and I wanted to post it. Next chapter will take place during the weekend with Eren over at Levi's place. I wonder what kind of shenanigans will take place?! 
> 
> I really, really love getting comments and kudos from you guys - thank you so much! It keeps me going and keeps me inspired, I love it! You're the best! 
> 
> I'm also on Tumblr @DirtyEffinHippy if you guys like super random blogs that have no theme whatsoever. ;) 
> 
>  
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are encouraged, appreciated and definitely welcome! Enjoy! <3

* * *

 

It was Wednesday and Eren already couldn’t wait for the week to be over. He decided on skipping out on today’s classes, as well. He had already missed Monday and Tuesday with what happened and he had every intention of going today, but when it came down to it, he couldn’t make it out of the door.

Just because there were moments where he was OK didn’t mean it was all over and forgotten. His body was still hurting, although now just from the bruises and scrapes. At night when he would stare up at his ceiling in all too familiar sleeplessness, he would catch fragments of what happened at the bar.

At one point he could remember looking up from lying on his back, a brief glimpse of a mid-twenties man with a backwards hat and a nasty sneer on his face as he pumped into him mercilessly. The brief recollection was just that – brief – but it incurred a world of emotions in the boy. Thank god he hadn’t felt anything. He thought he had both the drugs they gave him and the alcohol to thank for that little bit of grace. 

Needless to say, he wasn’t sleeping well. That has always been the case though, so it wasn’t like Eren wasn’t used to functioning without it. He just … didn’t sleep at night and then on the weekends he would sleep all damn day to play catch up. But his nights were restless for more reasons than one now, so he didn’t even attempt to fool himself into thinking he was getting any rest. Which, for once, actually worked out to be not so much of a bad thing because Levi also never sleeps. Like, ever.

They had been trading text messages all night until about 6 AM when Levi decided he needed a power nap before work. Eren was a little disappointed at the conversation ending but he knew it was probably a good time to stop playing with his phone. His first class started at 8 and it only took Eren until 6:30 to realize that, nope, class isn’t happening today.

He couldn’t stay in the house, though. He was sick of seeing the apartment, he was craving to just get out for a little bit. The campus wasn’t far and they had one of Eren’s favorite coffee shops, so he decided to pack up his sketch book and his pens and head towards there for caffeinated goodness.

The day was overcast with a slight chill in the air that was refreshing in its sharpness. The skies looked as though they were teasing the idea of rain and it made Eren glad that he choose an oversized sweater to wear over his worn-in jeans. The sweater’s arms far surpassed his fingertips and it huddled him like a favorite blanket. It was his favorite. The sweater was a deep blue that complimented his eyes in a pretty neat way and it’s been washed so many times, it felt like a cloud, it was so comfortable. It was perfect, he was glad he decided to venture out into the wild.

He walked in the small shop, dropped his bag and promptly made his way towards the registers to pick his poison. Sasha was working today, Eren noted. As he waited in line he watched her help the other customers with a really adorable eager look on her face. One poor bastard was new enough to make the mistake of asking what the best thing on the menu was. The guy was lucky she didn’t eat him with the way her eyes ignited and began to list all of her favorite items. Which was everything on the menu, by the way.

Eren’s turn was up and her eyes widened in a pleasant surprise. He tried working there last year but he couldn’t really swallow the attitude enough to deal with food service and ended up in a mutual agreement with his boss that working there just wasn’t a good fit. Thomas was cool, though … he didn’t make it awkward when Eren still came in to partake in the pastry heaven that was noon-time rush.

He did kind of miss working with Sasha though. Between her and Isabella, it was always a blast being there but if they were ever working together, it was guaranteed trouble of the most mischievous variety.

“Eren!” Sasha squealed happily. “Oh my god, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!”

He quirked his eyebrow at her, “Sasha, I literally just saw you last week.”

She laughed, “Oh yeah, touche’,” she responded.

“Lemme guess,” she held out her hand to silence Eren. Her finger moved to rub her temple as her eyes closed in mock concentration. “You would liiiiike … one large coffee, dark roast, one shot of hazelnut and a half shot of soy milk. Amiright???”

He laughed, ok – so maybe he was stuck in his ways a little bit. “Couldn’t get you to add a shot of espresso in there for free could I?” He pleaded in an innocent tone.

The girl scrunched up her noise thinking that a shot of espresso in that combination sounded disgusting but she did it anyway, god bless her soul.

She immediately went to work on making the concoction while maintaining conversation with Eren.

“So … where’d you disappear to on Friday? I didn’t see you come back in the bar.” The question was asked so lightly that it was weird to think that not everybody knew. He felt like he had a blaring red sign on his back that said ‘ask me how I’m doing, I’m a victim’.

He was relieved that she didn’t know because that meant there was a good chance that nobody else knew too. He’d like to keep that way, if possible.

“Phhh, my drunk ass passed out in the alley.” He laughed half-heartedly. “You know Mama Mikasa wasn’t real happy about that but it was fun hanging out with everybody – I haven’t done that in a while.”

“DUH, silly – of COURSE it was fun hanging out, we’re awesome! You should do it more often. C’mon, Eren – succumb to our awesome. We have cookies.”

His face lit up at that magical C-word and she laughed again, reaching for two white macadamia nut cookies to hand to him. His beloved macadamia, she knew him well.

Promptly shoving one in his mouth and using his other hand to grab for the now done coffee, he made a gesture of thanks before speaking around a mouth full of sugar, “Hey, thanks – you’re my favorite! Catch up with you soon, yeah?”

She playfully shooed him away “That’s a promise, mister” she said as she made her way back to the small line of customers.

He made his way back to his bag with all the fuel he needed to make this trip worth it. He settled into the low cushioned chair and pulled out his sketch pad. Shoving the second cookie in his mouth, the crumbs cascaded onto the blank piece of white paper and becoming more and more entrapped in the threading of his sweater. He quickly brushed both his pad and himself clean before reaching back into the bag to draw out a bold pen.

He looked around searching for some inspiration to strike on what to draw. The small shop was pleasantly busy. Not so much so where it was uncomfortable, but just the right amount where there was a wanted back drop of noises. Friends smiling, emos emo-ing, professors professing, and college kids being … broke as hell. The blend of eclecticism was a nice contrast to the quiet apartment. The array of personalities spoke to Eren, made him want to draw and capture it somehow.

He picked random faces out of the crowd, doodling them hurriedly and without abandon. The white paper soon became a microcosm of different people, the blank space becoming more and more scarce as lines and shapes began to take over.

He continued this for about 30 minutes before he grabbed his phone to check the time. 1:37. _I wonder what Levi’s doing?_ He thought to himself, trying to picture the smaller man in some form of office. His mind immediately started day dreaming up scenarios of screaming patients, angry divorcees, and crying teens. Levi seemed really … patient. A little stern but he could see him dealing with just about anybody.

As his mind continued to come up with increasingly ridiculous scenarios, his phone began to buzz.

Looking down he saw that it was a call from Jean. Rolling his eyes, he drew the phone to his ear.

“Yo.”

“Hey, where you at?” Jean sounded a little out of breath from what Eren could tell.

“Me? I’m at the coffee shop near the Sina building. Why?”

“Cool, stay there – be there in five.”

And then he hung up.

“Okaaaay?” _That was weird._

Eren checked the time on his phone again reflecting on the very short, very abnormal conversation.

Not really wanting to see Jean, he abandoned his sketches on the small table in front of him and played with his nearly empty coffee cup. The sides of the lid were fraying under the attention and he couldn’t quite push down the anxious feeling that something was wrong.

And sure enough, not five minutes later – he knew why he had that feeling.

The bell above the coffee shop door run merrily alerting the shop of a new customer. But it wasn’t a new customer, it was Jean. Not only was it the horseface, it was the horseface sporting some new cuts on his face and one wicked black eye. And a really, really stupid grin on his face.

“What the fuck is wrong with your face!?” Eren asked incredulously. He rose quickly from his spot and met Jean halfway drawing some odd stares from random passersby. The grin grew but something else flickered behind his eyes but it was gone before Eren could properly place the look.

“Winning back the honor of our lady love, dipshit!” Jean’s chin tipped upward triumphantly.

“Uh … explain?”

“Saw one of those fuckers from the bar today on my way to class. Gave him a piece of my fucking mind, that’s what fucking happened.” Jean’s words were rushed with adrenaline not seeing the slow look of horror spread throughout Eren’s face.

He remained quite as Jean continued “Stupid fucking faggot goes to this school, he’s on the football team – go-fucking-figure.” His hand swept through his two-toned hair carelessly as Eren ushered the pair back to his table trying his best not to puke all over the horse’s combat boots.

“Fucking bashed his face in, the little shit. That’ll teach him! Told him if I ever saw his bitch-ass face again I’d punch his dick in so hard he’d be able to give childbirth.”

The air went out of Eren’s chest as he collapsed back into the chair. The room was spinning, his breathing quickened – his vision was buzzing in an out as he was quickly losing control of his breath. His hands began to shake on top of his knees, his head lolling back onto the head rest of the chair. Waves upon waves lapped against Eren’s insides as the buzz of anxiety continued to vibrate all over.

Jean finally stopped rambling like the punk he was to notice Eren’s state. He was used to the panic attacks, Eren used to have them all of the time when they dated. He quickly rushed over to the side of the chair dropping to one knee as he reached for the cold bottle of water in his bag. Jean handed the bottle to the other boy and cooed into this ear, “It’s ok, it’s ok” he repeated over and over.

Eren’s chest continued to dip in labored breathing, the cold water a relief against his tongue that felt like sandpaper. A few concerned looks from a couple of people across the room but otherwise the pair was left alone.

His skin felt too tight. He was suffocating, Jean was too close. The chair was sticking to him. Oh god, his skin was too tight.

His eyes flinched closed tightly as he combated the warring desire to curl up in a ball on the floor or fucking bolt it as fast as he could out of the front door.

Jean recognized this part and sat down in the chair next to him, his hand laid lightly on Eren’s arm, occasionally rubbing small, comforting circles along his skin. Not enough to hold him down, but enough to let his presence known when Eren settled down.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6

He took in a deep, shuddering breath, the rhythm starting to slow.

5, 4, 3, 2

Deep breath and he opened his eyes.

1

“You good, man?” Jean asked. The words casual, the tone less so.

“What did you do?” Eren whispered, barely audible.

“How?” he whimpered out.

“What? That guy? Dude, he had it coming. I didn’t see anything but I’m not stupid. I know what happened. Mikasa looked like she was going to straight up murder someone and then the cops showed up. After I saw those two asslickers leave, it wasn’t really hard to put two in two together.”

Jean looked down at his folded hands in his lap.

“Fucker is lucky I didn’t kill him.” He growled lowly. Dangerously.

Eren swallowed, the action a little harder than he would have liked but the water helped.

“D-does anybody else know?” Eren asked weakly.

Jean shook his head. “No, man … I just kind of found out. I didn’t tell anybody, I’m not that shitty.”

The shaking feeling was still there but Eren was having an easier time breathing. God, he hated this. And in front of Jean of all people. Seriously?

Eren let out a small laugh. It sounded pitiful even to his own ears. “You defended my honor, my hero.” Eren fluttered his eyes and pouted to give his full damsel in distress performance. He tried his best to make the joke seem light – to just … ignore the embarrassing freakout that just happened in a very public place. Jean rolled his eyes, shaking his head he muttered, “Asshole.”

A couple of minutes later Sasha came over with a bag of ice after seeing Jean’s face. There was some small chit-chat – nothing important. He gave some lame ass excuse that might as well have been “I fell down some stairs” when asked what happened.

Eren had all but calmed down when he heard his phone buzz once again. This time, it was just a quick noise to let him know that he had a text.

It was from Levi.

“What the fuck are you grinning at, you look creepy as hell Jaeger.” Jean sneered. Jean peered over the bag of ice and looked at Eren’s screen. “Cheekbones? Who is that?”

“None of your business, horseface. Don’t look at other people’s messages, that’s rude.”

Jean scoffed, “Like I give a shit about your texts. You’re a total loser, it’s probably lame anyway.”

“I’m a loser?” Eren replied. He returned his scoff tenfold, “Chyeah … takes one to know one, horseface.”

Sasha, the ever-badass joke-meister and queen of knowing how to change topics, started laughing, “Eren, is that … someone whipping over there?” Eren barked out his own laugh and replied innocently, “Gee, Sasha, I don’t know … but it sure looks like someone is about to neigh neigh.” The pair erupted in a simultaneous fit of giggles, Sasha pausing only to make horse sounds and the look on Jean’s face – oh god, just made it so, so worth it!

“Real fucking funny, guys. Picking on the gimp – you guys are a real class act, y’know that?”

The giggle fits died down, eventually. Sasha’s break was over so she had to go back to the counter. Eren and Jean sat back in their seats settling in once more. Eren whipped his phone back out to look down at the text from ‘Cheekbones’ (Yeah, that’s what Levi’s name is in the phone, don’t judge).

 

 

Cheekbones: BBQ or Spicy?

Eren: Hello to you too … and huh?

Cheekbones: Chicken, BBQ or Spicy?

Eren: BBQ, definitely. What’s up?

Cheekbones: After seeing the monstrosity that is your refrigerator, I’m going to do you a favor and cook something you are actually supposed to eat.

Eren: Seriously?? Hell yeah! U spoil me.

Cheekbones: You* … use your words, nimrod.

Eren: lol, ok nerd. I didn’t know you were cooking, need me to pick anything up?

Cheekbones: It’s nothing big, so no. Just stay out of trouble.

 

 

 

If Eren’s smile could get any bigger, he was pretty sure his face would split in half. When he looked up, Jean was glaring at him.

“What?” Eren asked.

“You don’t have to look all … that … right in front of me. Is that like your boyfriend or something?” Eren didn’t have a single clue as to why Jean would have that tone of voice with him. They haven’t been together in a long time and besides that, Jean had Marco. Hypocritical much? And let’s not forget the fact that Eren was the dumpee, not the dumper.

“Chill, killer – he’s not my boyfriend. He’s actually a shrink,” Eren laughed out.

“Since when did you start doing the shrink scene?”

_Not sure about doing the whole shrink scene, but there is a shrink I’d like to do …_

Eren’s not so safe for work line of thinking was quickly disturbed by a flick to his forehead.

“Whatever, just get that look off of your face, it’s creeping the shit out of me.” Jean started gathering his things and looked back down to Eren, “Heading home? I can walk with ya, it’s on my way.” Eren shrugged in a noncommittal way as he started to gather his own things.

A quick wave to Sasha and they were heading out towards his apartment. It wasn’t a far walk. Too far if the weather was bad but Eren loved this weather, the threat of clouds from earlier only becoming more prominent. He tugged his sleeves down as he hitched his bag up higher.

The two walked in silence for the most part. A few jabs here and there, nothing big. They reached the garage area where Eren’s car was. He was about to make his way inside after a quick “S’later” when Jean suddenly grabbed his arm, whipping him back to face him.

Before he knew what was happening, Jean reached down and kissed him. Hard. It took Eren completely by surprise. The kiss was forceful and … weird. After getting a solid grip on what was happening, he quickly shoved Jean back, “The fuck!?”

Jean didn’t even hesitate, he was reaching for Eren once more for a second kiss before Eren whipped his fist back and collided with the other boy’s jaw.

“Seriously, what the actual shit, Jean?!”

The other boy glared at Eren, his eyes hazy and his breathing ragged.

“Fuck, I don’t know.” His head was shaking as Jean tried to pull himself together. “Shit … dude … sorry, man – I don’t know. Shit …” He was mumbling more shits as he turned and started walking away, his pace hurried and his ears deaf to Eren calling his name.

Eren just gaped in disbelief. “What … the … actual … what?!”

He stood there for a few more moments before heading back inside. Mikasa and Armin were still in class but after that, he was happy to have the place to himself. He was confused, yeah – but he was mostly just **pissed.** What the hell was Jean thinking? Eren had just been assaulted not even a week ago AND Jean had a boyfriend! What the hell!?

He threw his bag across the living room angrily as he fired up the Xbox.

Nothing like a round of zombies to take his mind off of shit. Off of really, really weird shit.

 


	7. Something To Look Forward To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part is Levi's POV, second part is back to Eren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't want to write this chapter. Not because it's bad but I had a few really hurtful messages regarding my story. (To the anon that was really sweet, thank you so much, your message completely made me feel like I was floating)
> 
> I'm sorry if you don't like the story ... it is a slow build story. This is not a Eren x Jean pairing story (though I know last chapter seemed like it) - THAT WILL BE EXPLAINED, I PROMISE. Trust me, Marco and Jean LOVE each other (in this AU, at least). 
> 
> This is my first time writing in over 10 years. I don't mind constructive criticism but please don't tell me to stop writing because I did that before and it killed me. I love comments and if you enjoy the story, please don't hesitate to tell me. I love to hear your words of encouragement and my eyes light up so bright when I see the Kudos and Bookmark numbers go up. 
> 
> We are all here because we love these beautiful characters <3 Thank you so much for continuing to be with me during my path back to writing. I love you guys, thank you so much.

 

* * *

 

 

Levi POV 

 

* * *

 

 

Levi was not one for company. He had friends, yes – but if it were a choice between outside activities and the comfort of his own home, he would always choose the latter. Which is precisely the reason why he made the decision to invite the college kid to his home versus insisting on having the two meet at his office.

Eren insisted on not wanting to be “shrinked” (his words) and Levi would respect that. That being acknowledged, the raven haired man had been there the night of the attack. He had witnessed the young group of friends come in and the progression of intoxication as the night drug on.

He had a nasty feeling that night. The nagging feeling that the attackers at the opposite end of the bar were trouble but his companions chalked it up to Levi’s over-analytical nature. The way they spoke and their body language were all wrong and all but pushed Levi to tell them to get the hell out. He knew it when he saw one of them slip something into the girl’s beer. He had felt relieved when he saw the young woman leave, he had no idea that they would still pursue their assault - no matter the gender. He should have known better. He should have listened to himself. He should have known better than to listen to Hanji and to Erwin. He knew better and the choice to ignore his gut would be one that could easily drown him in regret, should he let it. He wasn’t going to – he was instead going to use that guilt to fuel him, to be there for the victim and make it right anyway he could.

The first three days were a tortuous waiting game. The first night, he did not sleep one bit. He spoke with the police but could say very little until the boy was awake and verbalized that he wished to press chargers. There was no evidence, according to them. The boy was bruised and bloody, his clothes half torn off – yet, just as Eren had said the following morning, they did not pay any mind.

Apparently it was well-known Eren’s sexual preference in this small town. One pig even had the gall to crack an “it’s not rape if they are willing” joke, which only made Levi all the more murderous.

By the time he and Eren’s friends had gotten him home and safely tucked into his own bed, Levi’s rage settled into a cold, icy anger. The tendrils of the steel-like feeling only inflamed his determination to help. He had looked to the victim’s friends, his roommates. Mikasa was resilient and perfectly mirrored Levi’s own drive to protect. Wild, hungry gaze met wild, hungry gaze. There was a kindred moment between them and that alone gave him permission to stay. The other boy, Armin, was a polar opposite but some part of him reminded Levi of his own friends. The blonde was heartbroken, torn between a blazing anger and soul crushing sobs.

They had waited in the living room until the following day when Eren came to. That day was less than pleasant but the raven haired man could not say he was surprised. It wasn’t a deterrent. He would still be there for the boy.

He slid his contact information under the boy’s door after hours of trying to coax him out to no avail. It would be days later before he would hear from him but that day eased the gnawing feeling in his stomach. The boy had made it through the first few days. Though Levi told Eren’s friends to continue keeping an eye on him, he was passed the ‘red zone’ of grief. Eren did not do anything rash that tends to happen with victims of traumatizing events, depending on the person and the circumstance. The fact that Eren had worked towards the next step was a good sign and Levi would be there to guide him to the next phase of coping if the boy would allow it.

But no, Levi was not one for company save for the company of his own home. He enjoyed his quiet, he enjoyed his peace. So the buzz of excitement ringing through his mind at the thought that Eren would be here in a few hours was a little jolt of shock to the man.

The two had been texting each other all week, the conversations surprisingly easy. He found himself looking at his phone more and more with each day much to his colleagues’ amusement. He wanted to help Eren, absolutely. That wasn’t to say, however, that helping was his only motive for the at-home invitation.

_No, not like that – get your head out of the gutter._

He felt at ease with the boy. He brought an air of innocence that Levi missed from a time long ago.

He grew up in a not-so-safe neighborhood far from here and had seen his fair share of human tragedy. Shootings, muggings, rape, violence … suicide. That was a huge push behind the reason for choosing the profession he did. He wanted to get the hell out and he wanted to be a part of the cure of human pestilence. If he could help those who are troubled instead of leaving them free to infect areas less tainted by the darker side of human nature, then it was all worth it.

Eren reminded him of his mother, a little. Not in his appearance but an innocence that no matter what those eyes have seen and what that heart has experienced always remained just below the surface. He was too young to be able to protect his mother’s innocence, he was too young to understand that a smile doesn’t always mean a smile. But he knew better now and he would be damned if he let another light die out just because the world was a shitty place.

He wanted to be closer to Eren. There was a pull towards him that he knew would be useless to ignore if he expected to be of any help to his recovery. It was not a sexual hunger, though he would be lying if he said that the very same thought hadn’t crept into his musings from time to time. It was more than that; this pull. He looked forward to finding out just what exactly it means. And he would be one step closer to finding out just that as the time for Eren’s arrival draws near.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Earlier that day: Eren's POV 

 

* * *

 

Eren couldn’t sleep, again. This time, however, it was because of excitement. It was finally Saturday, the day that he and Levi had made the plan to get together. At his place. Hello? How is that NOT a big deal?

Eren’s mood varied between stupidly excited and sickeningly nervous. After the whole X-Files: Jean Edition went down on Wednesday, the rest of the week was pretty uneventful. He thought he’d have to confront his ex this week, but the boy made it easy on Eren – he was a no show to class. Eren wasn’t complaining, his mind still couldn’t really wrap around what happened and, quite frankly, he just really did not feel like dealing with it.

Did Eren think Jean still had something for him? Nah. They were done and that was clear on both ends. They really didn’t even have much of anything to start with. They had gotten together mostly out of convenience because they always had a weird sexual tension. It had never escalated beyond an inconsequential tension and someone would have to be blind to not see that Jean was head over heels for Marco. They were good together, Eren could admit that – though at times he didn’t want to. It was hard to look back on failures – even when knowing they weren’t necessarily meant to be successes.

Maybe the whole ordeal on Wednesday was just some protective instinct thing, Eren didn’t know. Jean had always had a ferociously strong protective instinct, maybe that’s all it really was.  That, though, was a problem for another day. THIS day was a day that he was looking forward to and that was important. There weren’t a lot of things he looked forward to in his day to day. This, though? This got him through the rest of the week.

It was one o’clock in the afternoon and the anxiousness of wanting it to be time already was wearing on the brunette. He paced, he cleaned, and he drew – yet couldn’t really focus on any one thing for too long. He had helped Mikasa and Armin with groceries this morning since he was up earlier than usual. He had also scooped up a 6 pack for later on tonight even though Levi had said it wasn’t necessary to bring anything.

Eren had texted Levi on Friday night asking if it would be cool to hang out on Saturday. He had been nervous about going through with taking up Levi on his invite but he was equally thrilled at the chance. The pair decided that dinner time would be the best so 7 o’clock was the plan.

Six more hours.

Shower, check.

Groceries, check.

Spray cologne for the billionth time, check.

Why was time going so damn slow?! Eren was growing impatient with trying to keep himself busy so he went to go find Armin.

He stepped out into the living room seeing that the blonde was not there. He started to make his way to Armin and Mikasa’s room, noting the closed door. He could hear faint humming coming from the other side which meant that Armin was doing something science-y. He stood in front of the closed door debating on whether or not to bug his friend when the door started to slowly open.

Armin’s head popped out, hair going in every angle and a gentle smile on his lips. “You breathe loud” he said in explanation on how he knew Eren was lurking outside of his bedroom.

The Burnette gave him a sheepish grin and lopped his hand up to scratch behind his ear. “Ha, sorry – you busy? I’m kinda going out of my mind doing nothing.”

Armin nodded for Eren to come into the room. He saw books strewn everywhere in the space between his and Mikasa’s bed. His laptop laid abandoned on the nightstand and several empty mugs that still smelled like coffee gave off the impression that Armin had been ‘in the zone’ for some time.

_I live with a freaking mad scientist._

Armin looked up at Eren looking slightly embarrassed as he watched his friend take in the disaster zone that was his room. Mikasa would straight murder if she saw this, good thing she worked Saturdays.

“Hmm … want to watch a movie or something? Or we could go back out? We didn’t really do anything besides grocery shopping earlier.”  

“I don’t know if I can sit still long enough to watch a movie, I’m heading out to Levi’s here in a couple hours. I don’t know what I wanted to do,’ he laughed, “I don’t know, sorry for bugging you.”

Eren started to head back out realizing how silly he was being, he could take a nap or something – it’s only a few more hours.

Armin grabbed his arm before he could get very far, “Let’s go downtown really quick – we could scoop up some dessert or something to give to Levi for your date.”

“It’s not a date!” Eren proclaimed a little too loudly making Armin giggle in return.

“The lady  **doth protest too much** , methinks …” the blonde teased watching his friend blush for probably the billionth time whenever Levi was brought up. It was good to see his friend smile. He deserved it.

“So?” Armin continued, “does getting something for dessert to bring over for your ‘not date’ sound good? It could kill some time if we walk.”

“Sure” Eren agreed, “What kind of desserts are good for not dates?”

Eren was so clueless sometimes. Armin really couldn’t help but laugh at his friend’s uncanny ability to not realize how he sounded sometimes when he talked.

“Oh … better not get petite fours, then – that just screams TAKE ME NOW – I’M YOURS, LEVI.”

“Armin!” He gasped out, his eyes huge discs of embarrassed horror as the little blonde devil ducked out from Eren’s reaching hands. “Get over here right now, you little shit” he barked out running after the blonde as the two of them began to laugh.

“Ohhh, Levi!” Armin continued, his breathe quickly running out as he slid into the kitchen just barely missing Eren grabbing the back of his shirt. They squared off against each other on opposing ends of the kitchen island, grin meeting shit-eating grin. “Your food is soooo good, Levi, just like youuuuu – take me now!”

A dirty dish rag to the face was Eren’s retort to Armin’s teasing as he made his break towards the living room grabbing the oversized blanket for protection. Armin waved the blanket in the air as Eren made his way closer, both hands reaching out in what Armin knew was a promise of a tickle fight. Armin was powerless against those, everybody knew it. “I surrender, I surrender” he laughed out waving the blanket in front of his face. Eren quickly tackled the boy to the ground, the blanket trapping the blonde to the floor – both laughing so hard they couldn’t breathe.

And then the tickles happened, oh god – the tickles! Armin jerked and kicked in between gasps of laughter and pleas for Eren to stop. Which he did, mostly because Eren couldn’t breathe anymore from laughing so hard.

“I win” The brunette announced triumphantly. Armin shoved him off “Yeah, yeah, you win you big oaf, now get off of me – you’re heavy!”

The two made it back towards the kitchen still laughing as Armin grabbed the house keys while Eren reached for his wallet. “Need anything else?” the blonde asked? Eren patted at his pockets; wallet, phone … “Nope, I’m good.”

The two made their way towards the only pastry shop in town to scoop up some tasty treats for Eren’s ‘not date’.

 

 

One order of cheesecake, one order of brownies and one ice cream cake later they finally made their way back to the house. It was almost time to head over to Levi's and the nerves were definitely coming back. He was so excited he couldn't wait to get over there but it's been a long time since he's hung out with anybody other than his friends and usually when he did meet new people, he always had Mikasa and Armin to hide behind. Eren took in a deep breath to settle his fluttering stomach as he noted the time. 6:29. 

He gathered everything he needed to take with him and after telling Armin not to wait up, settled into his car to make his way towards the address that Levi gave him.  _Here goes nothing_. Deep breaths. Eren wondered if it was even possible for his smile to get any bigger. 

 

 

6:52 and Eren pulled up in front of a modest looking home. The brick siding, chocolate coloured shudders and moderate garden were all kind of adorable to Eren. Levi's house wasn't in a normal neighborhood. It was neighboring on the town line, so the subdivision seemed underdeveloped - but in a good way. Homes weren't stacked against each other like in most neighborhoods. Each house had a sizable amount of space between properties giving off a feeling of seclusion and safety. The street was empty as Eren parked and made his way towards the front door. Deep breath in. Slowly let it out. 

The door bell rang and Eren waited as he could see a few lamps turn on in the living room before Levi finally opened the door.  _Holy shit ...._  Levi looked ... really handsome. He was wearing a white button up shirt, loose enough to drape over his black jeans but fitted enough to show his muscles. His nice, firm ... muscles. Levi's hair looked the same but Eren could smell a fresh whiff of the cologne he was wearing and it smelled just as yummy as the raven haired man looked. 

Levi gave him a quizzical look, "Eren? Are you going to just stand there, kid, or are you coming in?" 

At that Eren realized that his mouth was gaping open, he quickly shut it and followed the other man inside. Levi's home was ... actually kind of exactly what Eren pictured. Dark, smooth colors. Blacks, reds, dark grays ... books and art work decorating the walls. Plush rugs hugged the floor while random little trinkets offered a perfect amount of decoration. Everything was immaculate, he suddenly felt glad that Levi asked him to take off his shoes in the entryway. His dirty old chucks would have just dirtied the clean, well, everything. 

"Can I get you anything? Want to open that beer?" Levi asked, eyes cast towards the 6 pack dangling at Eren's hip. 

"Yeah, sure! Um ... I also brought something for dessert. Armin's idea, it's totally normal." 

Levi looked back again, a small smile of amusement tugged at his lips at the obvious nervousness radiating off of the younger boy. "Sounds good, I'm sure it'll be perfect. I'm just putting the final touches on dinner now. Have a seat, I'll bring you the beer." 

He made his way towards the glass dining room table as Levi walked over handing him an open beer bottle. He liked watching Levi cook. There was something very sensual in the way that Levi quickly yet gracefully moved, being exactly where he needed to be when he needed to be there. He stylishly prepared two plates as well as placed the cheesecake on a glass serving platter on the counter. As Levi laid the dish in front of Eren, the younger boy couldn't help the appreciative growl that erupted from his stomach. "Holy crap, this looks amazing!" he gasped, all but drooling at the delicious plate in front of him. Chicken, grilled asparagus and a small portion of mac and cheese with pieces of bacon in it all drizzled with home-made barbecue sauce. It looked like heaven on a plate. 

"Glad you think so, I wasn't sure if you would eat it since it didn't come in plastic wrap and wasn't called a hot pocket." 

The smirk on his face told Eren that he was teasing but it was kind of true. Nothing wrong with sticking to the basics.

The dinner was beyond perfection – everything tasted amazing and the conversation was so easy. They talked about their week, trading stories about each other’s past. Levi told Eren more about his friends, including the ones that were at the bar. Turns out, Levi went to the same college as Eren’s art professor, so of course he had to get all of the dirt on that.

“ … and then he sniffed her. It was weird, but that’s Mike for you.” A lot of stories surrounding Professor Zacharius all seemed to kind of follow that formula. Eren was laughing so hard as the stories got more and more ridiculous “Ok, haha – remind me to pick up some really good smelling cologne or something, maybe that’ll swing my grade” he joked.

Levi quirked an eyebrow at that letting out a low chuckle, “Couldn’t hurt, another beer?” Looking down at his own empty bottle the boy suddenly wished he picked up more than a six pack. That lasted the pair oh, maybe 10 minutes. Now they were burning through Levi’s stash of hop-filled goodness as the two of them polished off what was left of the cheesecake.  

Levi ushered the boy towards the leather couch in the living room, fresh beers in tow. Eren was feeling good. Really good. The beer was hitting all the right spots in Eren’s head and his stomach was perfectly content with Levi’s cooking. Eren took note of the distance Levi placed between them on the exaggeratedly long couch. He desperately wanted to close that distance. Could he?

Levi looked down at the floor, his eyebrows perched together. “Eren …” The younger boy’s mouth ran dry at the tone in Levi’s voice. It sounded just a little off from his usual manner of speaking but Eren was all too aware of everything about Levi to notice the small change in his inflection. A sadder change. _Not the way I would want you to call my name,_ he thought to himself.

Eren remained quiet, silently urging the other man to get whatever it was he wanted to say out.

A few beats later, he finally began to speak.

“I know it isn’t my place, but I wish you would have let me go with you. I wish you would have reported those assholes.” The words should have sounded accusatory or even a little angry, but they only held the tiniest tinge of remorse. “I tried to stop it, just so you know.”

The brunette looked at the other man, the distance seemed daunting now. “It’s fine, promise. I’m used to shitty stuff happening, so no big. And I totally know you were like Major Badass, or something. You and my sister could really do some damage.”

Levi let out a small huff of laughter, “Mikasa? I could see it.”

Levi looked up and stared square into Eren’s eyes causing the younger boy’s heart beat faster and drown his ears with the sound. “I don’t want the bullshit answer that you tell everyone else, I’ll know if you are lying. How are you dealing with everything?”

Eren wasn’t sure if he believed the “I’ll know if you are lying” bit but something about the way the man was staring at him made him want to be honest. He really wanted to but … it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t about any one thing that happened. It was everything. It was Eren’s head. Everything could look honkey dorey on the outside but his head would always find a way to twist his reality into something less desirable. The anxiety, the depression, the self-infliction – pick the poison, it was all hurting Eren just the same.

He wanted to be honest. He did, he just …wasn’t sure how to be. The liquid courage, on the other hand, was actively pushing Eren to do what he was comfortable with and that was something that didn’t include heavy heart to hearts.

He rose from his side of the couch and walked over to where Levi sat, the man’s eyes never missing a single step that Eren took. He lowered himself onto his lap, one leg on either side of the older man's hips. His pulse was in his throat and the beer went straight to his head. He leaned his head down to where Levi was, his tongue slithering out to lick at the other man’s bottom lip.

At that moment, Eren was happy that Levi already knew about his sexuality. That knowledge had gotten that awkward conversation out of the way earlier in the week when Levi revealed he also held the same preference. That made Eren’s desire to continue all the more pressing.

When Levi let out a barely audible groan, Eren took the initiative and claimed the other man’s lips with his own. He tasted of beer and strawberries from the earlier dessert, the mixture oddly appetizing as it paired with the natural taste of Levi’s tongue. Eren ground his hips down, rubbing the raven haired man’s groin with his own – the friction giving a delicious tease of the pleasure that the brunette was looking for.

The sound of heavier breathing drove Eren wild as he slid his tongue further into the other man’s mouth causing him to return the favor. Eren reached his hand up to grip at the back of Levi’s head, the longer hair above his undercut trapped between the younger boy's fingers.

Eren’s hunger was growing rapidly as were other parts of him. His skin felt hot to the touch and everything about the situation made Eren crave to have this man inside of him. He imagined that Levi would be a fan-freaking-tastic lay. The guy could make bringing a beer look sexy and he definitely wanted to see that precise calculation applied in the bedroom. Or here. Here was fine.

Except, apparently it wasn’t because Levi braced his hands on both of Eren’s arms and pushed him away forcibly. Not off of his lap, but the signal to stop rang loud and clear. He didn’t mean to, but Eren let out a small whimper in protest that seemed to drive Levi crazy. For a second, Eren thought that Levi would let it continue but a quick tap to his ass from the older man’s hand proved otherwise as he was hoisted off of him. Eren found himself kneeling beside him, his arms folded on the couch seating.

“As much,” Levi’s voice was thick with arousal and he had to clear his throat before he tried again, “As much as this doesn’t entirely seem like a bad idea, I can’t take advantage of you after you’ve been drinking. And don’t think I didn’t notice that you refused to answer my question.”

Was this rejection? It didn’t sound like a rejection but damn if it didn’t feel like one. Eren was horny, drunk and defensive by nature – those three not a good combination.

“Are you seriously kidding me right now?” He barked at the other man, Eren’s eyes sparkling with exasperation.

“Eren, calm down.” Levi said calmly which furthered Eren’s disbelief at the situation.

“If you don’t want to fuck, just say so." Eren's anger was starting to surface, though he knew it was misplaced. "I don’t owe you shit, so why should I have to answer every stupid little question you have? You’re not my shrink.”

Eren knew it was a lie the second those words slipped out – he owed Levi. He owed him a hell of a lot. He wanted to apologize. Maybe. Kind of. He couldn’t though, his buzz from the beer not quite sure where to take Eren’s mind: lust, anger, or tears from feeling insecure? All of the above apparently but he wasn’t going to let Levi see that.

“Forget it, don’t bother.” He huffed out, standing angrily and grabbing his keys.

“Eren,” Levi prodded carefully, “You know it’s not like that and you also know I can’t let you drive like this.” He gestured towards Eren up and down accentuating his point at the younger boy's not so sober state. 

He didn’t care, Eren was already storming out of the front door while Levi quickly followed. As he started to open the car door, he saw a pale hand flash out and slam it back closed again. “I will not repeat myself. Give me the keys, Eren.”

He just stared at the smaller man defiantly, like fuck he was going to stay here tonight. Did he want to? 'Little Eren' sure as shit did but he had already made an ass out of himself and he knew it, there was no way he would feel comfortable staying the night. He drew his phone from his pocket calling up Mikasa. She picked up on the second ring. “Texting you the address. Can’t drive, too drunk. Come get me?”

Mikasa sighed into the phone, “Of course, thank you for calling me. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He shoved the phone back into his pocket and glared at the other man. “There, happy?”

“Fucking thrilled,” the other man muttered. They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments. The sound of faraway traffic the only distraction to the tension filled scene.

Levi was the first to break that silence. “I would like to see you again, when you are less angry.” There was no glare, no sarcasm coming from him.

“Why, so you can psycho-analyze me some more?” Eren challenged.

Levi shook his head slightly in disagreement, dragging his fingertips across his forehead in an attempt to alleviate the forming headache. “I like you, even though you are being a complete brat right now. Apart from the obvious scene, I enjoyed tonight. That’s all I wanted.”

Great, now Eren felt even more like shit. Levi should be pissed or something but he’s acting like it was no big deal.

Before he had a chance to respond, Mikasa pulled up with Armin in the passenger seat. The blonde got out and gave an apologetic nod to Levi as he grabbed Eren’s keys and settled into the driver’s seat while Eren wordlessly settled himself in the passenger side of Mikasa’s car.

Levi stood in the drive way as Eren watched from his window. He stood there watching him leave until the car was out of view when Eren finally settled his eyes on the road that stretched out in front of him.

“Eren?” Mikasa inquired quietly.

He sighed, biting down the urge to cry. “Don’t want to talk about it” he mumbled.

She nodded in acknowledgement and continued their journey home.

_How do I manage to unfuck this situation?_

_God, I’m such a moron…_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos ARE LOVED SO MUCH <3  
> Tumblr tag: DirtyEffinHippy


	8. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will happen when Levi and Eren speak again after recent events?

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Chapter 8: Choices 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

It has been four days “The Incident”. Eren felt like such an idiot, he had no clue why he went off the handle like that. Even half way through his tantrum he realized he was being stupid but he just … couldn’t stop himself.

He was so frustrated. Oh, god – so frustrated. Between the embarrassment of how he acted and the memory of what it felt like to be that close to Levi, it took everything Eren had not to pull every strand of hair out of his head.

He hadn’t heard from Levi except for one small text: “Stop worrying, you know my number.”

The boy must have read this simple message over a hundred times by now yet he still couldn’t bring himself to reply. Thinking about it just made him cringe. He let out another frustrated growl and rubbed at his eyes angrily trying to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that was radiating from his body. He felt sick at how everything went down and mostly because he knew that he was to blame for it.

Levi had made a fantastic dinner, let Eren mooch off of his beer – and what did he do? He paid him back by attacking him in more ways than one. Great. Way to go, Eren – winner.

Eren’s only redeemable class that made the effort worth it were his art classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. He had opted out of Monday’s classes for personal (ok, childish) reasons, but he ran out of excuses come Wednesday. Besides, Eren really doubted that Mikasa would let him slide so many days in a row.

The morning before his art class was uneventful. He stopped by the coffee shop grabbing the usual, walked around campus a little, religiously checked his cell for messages he knew wouldn’t be there. This was torture. If only Eren could just … swallow his pride a little. He desperately wanted to see Levi, though the level of need was surprising. He didn’t feel right not talking to him, he missed their bullshit texts about nothing in particular. It had only been a week of knowing him, but the raven haired man quickly became one of Eren’s favorite people.

Speaking of favorite people, Eren’s least favorite just dropped his bag beside the brunette. Eren looked up from his musings while waiting for the Professor to show up to see a scowling Jean looking down at him. Eren let out a caustic sigh, “What now? I really don’t feel like dealing with you today.”

The declaration fell on deaf ears as Jean settled himself into the seat beside him. “Got a second?” he asked softy looking to Eren for his response.

“Not really, class is gonna start soon. Go back to your own seat.” Eren sighed, he really wasn’t in the mood to deal with the Jean fiasco. He was too busy being torn between missing the ever-loving short shit out of Levi and still kicking himself over the weekend’s events.

Eren felt a firm grip take hold of his bicep. His eyes widened slightly as he glared at the other boy. “Seriously, I’m not doing this shit again – get out of my face” he growled out.

“Please, dude … just … like two minutes” Jean pleaded, the tinge of desperation contradicting the scowl on his features.

Eren let out a huff of air impatiently and spun on the stool to face the other man. “Spill.”

A brief moment of relief fluttered across Jean’s face, gone as quickly as it had come. “Look … about the other day…” he trailed off, gathering himself before he could continue.

“Look, man … it wasn’t like that. I just … I don’t know, we’ve gone through some shit. It just …” he groaned awkwardly obviously fumbling for the right words. Jean ran his hands gruffly through his hair before trying again. “I know shit is weird between us but I love you, man- wait, wait, wait” he held his hands up in protest when he saw Eren start to get up to leave. “Not like that, moron. I mean – we went through too much to just not care anymore, make sense?” He breathed out a heavy sigh releasing the tension he had been holding when he noticed Eren settle back into his seat, contented to remain and hear the other boy out – even temporarily.

“I just … I felt like I let you down. You’ve got enough crap on your plate that I don’t know, we’re friends. I should have been there and helped keep you safe that night and I didn’t do that. I fucked up and … I don’t know, it messed with my head a little bit. But I didn’t mean to do what I did – I mean, I’m here for you but I think we both know not in that way. I know it’s probably a shitty thing to talk to you about but I’m really into Marco, man. Like, really. I don’t want to mess that I up like how I messed up our situation. I just, I don’t know … just, can we be cool? I mean, as cool as we can be at least?”

Eren stared at him silently for a few heartbeats taking in his words. He felt … relieved. He knew that Jean didn’t have any real feelings for him – he had already suspected that his overprotective nature had gotten the better of him. Had he been having this conversation a few weeks ago, Eren had the feeling that his heart would feel that crushing disappointment at Jean’s declaration of love for Marco but instead he found himself being able to breathe in the other boy’s presence again. Did this mean that he was finally over Jean? OVER, over him? Eren’s thoughts briefly conjured up the face of another man. A slightly older man with a face that could stop his heart at first glance. His mind came up with Levi. The brief flux of images of the older man only reinstated the earlier frustration at Eren’s behavior but now he felt that he just might have the courage to finally text back. Jean wouldn’t realize it, but this conversation helped more than he would ever understand.

A small smile formed on the brunette’s lips, “No sweat, I know you’re an overprotective jackass sometimes – but you’re freckled Jesus’ jackass and I, um … I’m happy for you. Really. It’s all good.” And for once, Eren meant it. It was, for the first time, finally good.

The rest of the class was uneventful – the pair resumed their daily tortures of each other; the teasing, the occasional throwing, the usual. Eren felt a little better as he made his way to his car. Between the mix up with Jean and the idiotic scene with Levi, Eren had a lot plaguing his mind. One of those two things was finally cleared up and that gave him the peace of mind to try to clear up number-o two.

As he settled into the driver’s side of his car, he cranked up the heat to combat the slight chill in the air as he played idly with his phone. The contact information of 'Cheekbones’ glared brightly up at the boy capturing his attention while he mustered up the courage. He wanted to shoot just a quick text to hopefully make light of the situation but he never got the chance.

Because Levi was calling him at the exact same time.

Eren’s heart thundered in his chest as he looked down at number that flashed on the screen, both from shock at the sudden loud noise of his ringtone and at the eerie timing of the call.

A few quick breaths in before he resolutely lifted the phone to his ear, “Uh, hey?” The greeting wasn’t meant to come out as a question, but the boy was nervous. What was the correct way to talk to Levi? Was he supposed to apologize? Pretend nothing happened? Crawling into a hole and playing “guess who has amnesia” seemed like a really, really good idea.

“Get home, I’ll be there in 10.” Levi’s curt demand caught the brunette off guard as the dial tone glared into his ear drums to show that he had, in fact, hung up.

“… the hell?” Eren mumbled to no one in particular.

He pulled his car out of park and began his trip home. Levi had said ten minutes but he would be home in less than five. For such a short drive, it sure did make him feel like pulling over to barf out all the worries.

Moments later, he was pulling into a familiar parking spot as he shoved the not so pleasant feeling in his gut back down. As he climbed out of his car, he looked towards the front door to see an ever so cool looking man with black hair casually smoking on a cigarette. Ugh, he made even that look way more sexy than Eren thought should be legal.

“Thought you said in 10?” Eren tried for casual. Casual was good. Levi was casual. Casual …

The other man just rolled his eyes and motioned to his own vehicle, “Get in.”

“Wanna try for something more than two syllables?” Eren retorted.

Levi walked past Eren briskly as he responded, “Get in now, stupid” counting out each syllable with raised fingers.

Eren let out a huff of laughter, “Much better” he countered sarcastically.

As soon as Eren slammed the passenger side door, he felt a hand snake around the back of his neck and pull roughly. Before he knew it, Levi’s lips were on his. Hungry, wet and oh so tasty – even in spite of the slight cigarette flavor. The surprise on Eren’s face only lasted a brief moment before he responded in kind. The two men grabbed at each other desperately, Levi’s hand grasping at the boy’s nape in a possessive manner. Eren’s own hands reached up to capture the other man’s face, keeping him close. Levi’s tongue slithered out and made its new home inside Eren’s as the two explored each other’s mouths thoroughly. The brunette moaned into the other man, his body already reacting to the heat of the moment. He could feel himself becoming more and more aroused as Levi continued to devour him.

The pace began to slow at a natural speed. The neediness subsiding to a more sensual kiss as Levi’s tongue probed at leisure. The hardness that Eren was experiencing was the only thing that kept him from being completely lost in Levi’s touch. He wanted him to touch him more, he needed him to touch him more.

 Instead, the other man began to move away, giving one final press to Eren’s lips before pulling back. Eren couldn’t stop the small whimper that escaped at the loss of feeling.

Levi’s face was the usual complacence with only the slight reddening of his cheeks and a slight pant to his breath to give evidence to the kiss they shared.

Eren gulped, his own breathing ragged and loud in the suddenly silent car. He was still hard and craved for the other man to remedy that. 

“Rough day,” Levi said in a subtle joking tone – as if THAT was any kind of explanation for what just happened.

Eren guessed that the blood had all rushed straight to his pants because he didn’t have enough decency to quell the very suggestive “We could make it rougher” response that slipped out before he had a chance to stop it.

Levi quirked an eyebrow at that and began to drive. “So? Where are we going?” Eren asked when Levi offered no quip to Eren’s not so subtle suggestion.

“My place.”

Eren’s eyebrows shot up at that, “Wow, you move fast for an old guy.”

The other man’s eyes gave yet another roll at the boy, “To talk. Since you seemed to have forgotten that you own a handy little device with messaging capabilities.”

“Psht, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh, huh. Selective memory is a neat trick.” Levi clicked the button to his left once to roll the window down just an inch as he reached for another cigarette. The sound of the lighter flickered to life and the sudden inhale all seemed to mesmerize Eren. He really felt like he could stare at this man all day.

Eren fumbled with his hands nervously in his lap to both keep them busy and to hide his lingering arousal. “Um … I don’t really remember everything (that was a lie), but I know I freaked out on you last weekend” he cleared his throat nervously, “I, uh … my bad. You know, about the freaking out … part. That was pretty shitty of me.”

Levi gave a small nod in his direction. “You’re young and you’re going through some heavy stuff right now. I get it. Alcohol and existential shit don’t go too well with each other, in my experience.”

“Still, it was really fun – I feel bad about ruining it. I, uh, yeah – that’s kind of my specialty. Having a good time? Not for long …” he mumbled the last bit. Eren was ashamed to admit that out loud but it was true. Eren felt like the biggest waste of time when it came to anybody. He felt like he could manage to make rainbows and puppies depressing.

“I wouldn’t say that, but I don’t know you. I would like to, though. I deal with crazies all damned day with my job, there’s nothing that you could throw at me that I can’t handle.”

Eren smiled at that and really hoped that he could stop himself in the future from rising to that challenge. 

“We’re almost there. Text your roommates that you are staying over, I don’t want them worrying about where you are.”

Eren nodded and preceded to text Armin and Mikasa in a group message letting them know of his absence.

The two pulled up into Levi’s driveway and made their way inside. The man made two cups of coffee, one with a ‘buttload’ of sugar (as Eren put it), and sat down on the same couch from before. The memory of Saturday still burning bright in Eren’s mind.

“Kid … I’ve told you that I felt bad about what happened at the bar but here’s the thing, and I feel like it’s something you need to hear. You can’t regret things that have already happened. You can hate what has happened, you can be pissed at it and you can learn from it but you can’t do anything about what is already done. The past can be a really shitty place sometimes, believe me I know, but there’s nothing we can do about the choices we have already made. We can only control how we move forward. There are a lot of differences between you and me, far more than just age. I am who I am from my past experience and you are who you are for the same. The future – anyone’s future – can only be shaped by doing what we guess is the right thing to do. We fumble, that’s human nature. We fuck up, that’s human nature. We make odd choices, that’s human nature. So many things are beyond our control, the only thing we’re allowed to do is to believe we won’t regret the choices we have made.”

The look on Levi’s face, in his eyes, was so devastatingly piercing that Eren’s breath left him. He felt his entire world shift and he wasn’t sure if he had started breathing again or not. What Levi said wasn’t something that was completely unheard of but it struck something very familiar inside of Eren. The words may have been simple but they were the _right_ words that he needed to hear.

He didn’t even know that a tear had escaped onto his cheek until he felt Levi’s finger brush it away gently. The attention of Levi’s gaze was pressing and Eren forced himself to look down.

“I …”

Levi’s hand calmly tilted Eren’s chin up as he leaned in to press a chaste kiss upon his lips. A small gesture so that the boy knew he was safe. The boy with the startling teal eyes that seemed to burn into Levi’s mind.

The kiss was small but it broke something inside of Eren as the past ten years weighted on him all at once. The recent events weighted on him all at once. Everything: his crushing insecurity, his mental state, his mother’s death, his father’s misunderstanding, and his feeling of unworthiness – everything came crashing down on the boy as the sobs racked his shoulders violently.

He felt himself be pulled into a pair of strong, muscular arms as they wrapped around him tightly. Levi’s hand guided Eren’s head into the other man’s neck as he cried helplessly in the embrace.

“I’m not going anywhere, Eren. Not unless you want me to.”

The words were both fierce and calming. Eren hadn’t cried like this in years, not since he was a child. As he nudged further into the older man, he felt his entire soul drenched release and he cried himself to sleep in his savior’s embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for continuing to be on this journey with me! I am having so much fun writing this, I just - it feels really good. Thank you so much for the kudos and comments. Every time I see the notification that there was a comment or kudo left, my smile becomes so big and I feel so motivated and happy! Thank you for giving me this chance to write for you all. I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are definitely welcome!  
> Don't forget to subscribe if you would like updates as new chapters roll out! :)


	9. After School Activities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'And everything turned out better than expected' Eren thought amusingly. 
> 
> This chapter ... it's smut. I'm not even going to lie. Not right off the bat but I grew impatient and wanted them to have their first time together now. Hope you enjoy!  
> It's my first time writing a smut scene in over 10 years, let me know how I did <3

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 Chapter 9: After School Activities 

 

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He was comfortable. Really comfortable. The blackness soaked into his mind as Eren relished the feeling of being completely content. Was he laying down? Had he been sleeping? The boy’s lethargic institution slowly receded, Eren slowly melting into consciousness as he shook the last remnants of sleep from him.

He blinked away the fuzzy tiredness as his mind caught up to the situation. Languidly, he realized that he had, in fact, been sleeping. The bed he was in was huge, easily a King size. To test this theory, Eren stretched his legs and arms wide, hearing the pops and groans of his slumbering joints. The sheets were so soft, slithering along his skin enticing him to say just a few more moments in their comfort.,

The light was low, only a singular dimly lit lamp illuminated the rest of his surroundings and he rolled over to take in the view. A modest sized room, bare except for a few pieces of appropriate furniture. No TV, nothing of entertainment other than a short stack of notable books to the bed stand next to him.

He stretched again, the wonderfully addictive feeling of his renewed spine being stretched back into an active state made Eren feel … good. His eyes had a few pieces of sleep attached to them as he quickly rubbed the away. His eyes felt raw and it was then that he remembered how he came to be here.

He remembered crying, so much crying, within Levi’s arms. One part of Eren felt as though he should be mortified but he couldn’t bring himself to be. He felt like, for once, the universe told him it was OK … to shed the layers upon layers of misery even if only for one night.

Levi had been perfect, softly soothing the boy and more patient than any man Eren thought could be. He must have fallen asleep on the couch during his tirade because he still couldn’t remember coming to bed. And judging by his abundantly clear excess of clothes and then noticeably lack of an extra body, nothing but rest happened here.

He slowly rolled out of bed, his bare feet nestling comfortably in the plush carpet below. He could hear the soft taps of a keyboard in use outside of the bedroom and decided to follow the sound. Without alerting Levi to the fact that Eren was awake, he carefully peered around the edge of the doorframe. On the other side, Levi was hard at work with papers and books scattered about (even still, somehow still in methodical order) and Eren could smell the fresh cup of coffee at the man’s side. Levi took in a deep breath rocking back to lean in his office chair. The small movement gave Eren enough of a view of his face to enjoy the pair of black glasses resting on Levi’s face and seriously … again, this should be illegal how good he could make anything look.

He was sure that Levi couldn’t see him but he must have made some alert to his presence because he heard Levi say in a quieted, deep voice “Going to stand there all night or do you want to go for slightly less creepy?”

Eren ducked his head in embarrassment as a slight blush burned through his cheeks. He rounded the wall separating them and padded his way towards Levi. The other man promptly removed his glasses and stared as the boy made his way to him.

Before Eren could speak, Levi gently pulled him by his hand into his lap and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. “Feeling better?”

Ok, not fair. Eren’s cheeks were now at full blaze under Levi’s concerned gaze and he wanted to run back to those super comfy blankets and hide until his cheeks could figure out what colour they wanted to be.

His dilemma must have shown on his face because he heard a low chuckle come from the other man’s throat, “I’ll take that as a yes. Coffee?”

Eren nodded – he could have sworn he used to have more game than this. Normally he would make a joke or say something way too perverted but he felt strangely vulnerable under this man’s care. What was even stranger was that it wasn’t a bad sense of vulnerability, it still managed to be comfortable somehow but it was new. Eren wasn’t quite sure how to categorize this new feeling.

He stopped Levi from getting out of his chair to cater to him, instead offering to make his own cup. “Did you want me to top off yours? Food or anything?” Levi picked up his cup and downed the rest of the remaining drink before handing it to Eren with a slight nod, “Please.”

As Eren made his way to the kitchen, Levi’s cup in tow, as he gave in to the opportunity to look around as he prepared the Keurig machine. In the alcove near the kitchen entrance, he saw a few pictures of Levi and a few other people he didn’t recognize hanging up framing a small-sized mirror. Among the hangings, Levi’s Master’s Degree hung proudly announcing his specialty. Eren smiled a little to himself, _If only he was my dad’s son instead of me – bet he’d be happy then._

The gurgling sound that erupted from the kitchen alerted Eren that one of the two mugs were filled with the appropriate beverage. He nestled his own mug (designated by Levi) into machine and looked at his choices. There were a few different choices of coffee and entire bowls filled with different teas. When Eren’s eyes fell to the delicious hot cocoa mix, however, he couldn’t resist. He plopped in the little chocolatey cup and began to brew. The familiar sounds waned as the last drops fell into his mug and he gathered both of the cups to make his way back to Levi.

He set the cups down gently after taking a sip of his own drink and in a moment of temporary daringness, he slipped his arms over Levi’s shoulders and glided them down his chest resting his chin on top of the other man’s head. Levi gave a small hum of approval as he finished up what looked like an e-mail to someone, perhaps a colleague. As he hit send, Levi grabbed one of Eren’s arms that were draped across his body and lured him into a position where he could face the younger boy. Eren’s cheeks were still a delicate pink with slight embarrassment as he pulled the boy down to pay homage to his waiting lips.

The kiss was careful, a languorous rhythm that was very different from their first. Levi pulled the boy down to where he was sitting for a more comfortable position as he slowly explored his mouth, his insides warm tasting of hot chocolate. Eren rolled his tongue over his in a slow passion as he let out a low moan into the other man’s mouth, swallowing the sound and making it his own.

Eren pulled back slightly to trail his lips down Levi’s jawline and onto his neck, nipping playfully at the taunt skin drawing soft groans from within. His tongue trailed upwards to kiss his chin and eventually back to those delicious lips.

In that moment, Eren hated how flimsy the chair Levi sat in was, all he wanted to do was climb onto his lap and feel every inch of him. He had never been a patient boy in terms of anything sexual but this … this was different. He wanted to touch Levi far beyond the simple measures of sexual pleasure – he needed to feel closer to him. He needed physical evidence as to how close he felt to this other man in other, less tangible ways.

A few more creaks of the bastard chair and Eren had finally had enough. He pulled away roughly from Levi’s kiss and all but growled “Bedroom?” Levi smirked and bit at the other boy’s bottom lip and responded with equal measure, “God, yes”

From there, the game was on. Levi allowed himself to be shoved onto the bed, still unmade from Eren’s earlier rest. Eren did not miss a beat as he straddled the other man’s lap, hands clawing greedily at Levi’s clothes as his lips found their purpose. Once Levi’s shirt was off, Eren rose for just a moment to remove his own, in doing so drawing the very hungry gaze of the older man. Levi watched as the younger boy’s muscles rippled with the small effort – tossing the shirt carelessly into a forgotten corner. Eren began to grind his hips eagerly, the friction those calculated movements created had both men panting for more, Eren a bit wilder than the other man.

Levi took the initiative and shifted his weight to flip Eren over so that the boy was underneath him. His knee sliding up to nudge in between Eren’s legs as he ground into him carefully. One hand slipped between them as he unbuttoned the top of Eren’s jeans and pulled the zipper down. Seeing the que, Eren reached down with one hand, the other firmly gripping the other man’s shoulder, to assist Levi in nudging the rough material down past his knees and finally off completely.

He looked down at the boy clad in nothing but tight-fitting briefs, erection pushed up glaringly against the barely there fabric, and naked chest. Levi admired the view, the boy was certainly built in spite of his lanky appearance. His tanned skin a stark contrast to Levi’s own milky complexion.  

Eren donned a devilish grin as he adjusted his weight upwards onto his elbows. One arm drifted upwards and returned the courtesy to the other man as he unbuttoned his trousers while licking the tight skin of the older man’s chest, his tongue nipping at each nipple playfully. His eyes maintained their contact with Levi’s, a suggestive glint in them as he lowered his tongue to follow the path downwards, removing everything trapping Eren’s prize. As Levi kicked the offending pair of pants and associating underwear off of the bed, Eren took the moment of distraction and seized the other man’s arousal in the palm of his hand.

Kneading the underside of his balls, Eren trailed his lips down to kiss the head. Slick with the beginnings of pre-cum, he slowly began to engulf the shaft, deliberately grazing the taunt skin with his teeth delicately. Levi shifted his hips closer to the boy’s mouth, forcing his way farther into it. Eren didn’t mind, he relished in the feeling as the slippery head bumped the back of his throat. Levi was … perfect. The girth of him had Eren’s insides swimming with anticipation. He was careful not to trigger any type of gag reflex while he teased his tongue along the underside of his arousal. In and out, the length of Levi was carefully maneuvered in-between hungry lips as the raven haired man remained kneeling on the edge of the bed, fingers crudely entangled in the brunette’s hair.

Eren hollowed his cheeks around the organ, his hot breath merging with his movements in an effort to further tease. He ever so slowly made his way up and off of Levi’s … evident arousal to sensually lick at the tip looking up into the other man’s gaze as he did so. The contact and lack there-of pushed a wanton groan from the back of Levi’s throat.

“You … naked. Now” the raven haired man ordered. His words terse but his voice gave the impression of a very subtle desperation that Eren was hoping for – this caused a small smirk to purse upon his face and he replied “Sir, yes sir!”

Eren made a slow show of removing the rest of his undergarments never letting his eyes break contact with the other man. Levi casually stroked himself to maintain his hardness as he watched the show in a soft awe. The boy certainly knew he was attractive, that much had been made obvious.

When the two of them were both equally bare, Levi leaned down to trail kisses along the boy’s neck as one arm reached into the drawer next to the bed. When he removed his hand, Eren noted the small bottle of lubricant and a lone condom. The boy bit at his lip in anticipation as the older man dribbled a small drab of warming liquid onto his fingertips.

Eren laid back against the bundle of pillows behind him, settling in as Levi worked to thoroughly saturate his fingers for him. He leaned down to capture Eren’s lips, hungry once more and demanding entrance. As the older man’s tongue found its entrance, so did his fingers to an entirely different one. He carefully slid one finger in, the liquid making it easy to do so. He could feel Eren tighten his muscles around him and an elongated moan fell from the boy into his mouth. This only worked to encourage Levi as he skillfully inserted a second finger.

Twisting and making a scissoring motion in an effort to stretch the boy comfortably, he could feel how warm it was inside of Eren and it took an insurmountable level of patience to say ‘to hell with it’ and plunge himself into the other boy. Though, from the looks of it, he couldn’t entirely guess if Eren would mind.

His insides were slick and familiar with his two fingers allowing Levi permission to insert his third and final part of preparation. All three fingers were in to the inner most knuckle as he rubbed mercilessly at the boy’s hole.

Mid twist at his knuckles, Eren jerked wildly letting out a loud bark of a noise letting Levi know full well that he found the right spot. A low chuckle released from him as their lips met one more time, a final surge of enticement before Levi situated himself between the boy’s legs pulling both of them to rest upon his shoulders.

Eren was a panting mess before him, tanned skin glistening with sweat and anticipation as he watched Levi guide his arousal towards the boy’s entrance. The tip significantly cooler to the touch with the newly appointed condom, but nevertheless felt nothing short of amazing as it burst through the ring of muscle.

A quick thrust to bury himself deep within the boy caused Eren’s eyes to fly wide in a pleasant surprise, a wild gasp tore from deep within his throat, “Oh, my god!”

Gnawing at his lip viciously, he watched as Levi began to pump in and out of the boy, that wide girth disappearing entirely before being pulled back out. Slick, hot and pulsating with the blood rush – Eren sunk further into the pleasure that Levi offered him. The thick thrusts, powerful and full of intent brought Eren so close. So, so close. The slight sting at his entrance long since faded into a delicious warmth shooting electricity up and down his spine.

On his knees, Levi drilled into the other boy. One hand firmly planted on Eren’s shoulder while the other snaked around his thigh for support. The sounds coming from the younger man were fucking sinful, it was all the effort he could take not to be spent right then and there. No, he wanted to enjoy this longer – as long as he could. He fit perfectly inside of Eren, their bodies were nothing if not compatible. The scrunched up look on Eren’s face as a plethora of sounds erupted from those kissable lips – teal eyes flashing 50 different shades of blues and greens. _Beautiful._

A jumbled stream of “fuck,” “Oh, god”, “shit” and “harder” were the only coherent words coming out of otherwise jumbled sounds. Eren’s head thrashed about on the pillow’s surface while one hand grasped desperately at the sheets beneath them. The other hand, much to Levi’s evident pleasure, dug relentlessly into those pale arms – red marks of passion littering his flesh. The sight only furthered Eren’s excitement; _mine,_ was the mantra that repeated itself in his head.

Eren felt the rhythm change becoming more and more sporadic as Levi grasped at the boy’s arousal pulling at it with purpose, twisting his hand up and down the length causing a whole new string of delighted curses from his throat. He was close and he could tell that Levi was too by the pace and the look of concentration on the older man’s features.

“Fuck … me. Mmm, so good”, Eren panted out. The pressure was building at the base of his spine paired with the friction caused by Levi’s hand was all he needed to push him over the edge. His organ pulsated in the other man’s grip as long, hot streams of cum shot out excitedly to cover his own chest. Three very long bursts to give evidence to the amazing pleasure felt, he felt Levi’s body convulse in his grip both outside and inside of his body. Levi’s arousal shooting its own evidence, even within the confines of the condom, could be felt in Eren’s tight ass. He didn’t want Levi to pull out. The sudden swell and change in the other man’s body felt oh so good within him. He had only wished he could be feeling this without the annoying condom separating their bodies.

Levi collapsed on top of Eren, his breathing heavy and those ragged breaths only fueled the lingering pleasure as the movement affecting him inside the boy’s body.

Both men were hot, bodies singing and vibrating with pleasure – slick with sweat and other liquids. Levi hoisted himself up once more to gently pull himself out of Eren, having removed the condom in the process. He slowly stood upon shaky legs as he confiscated the liquid filled item and to wipe himself off in the adjacent bathroom. Eren could hear the facet turn and mere seconds later, Levi came walking out with a warmly damp washcloth.

Levi was slow and meticulous with his movements as he cleaned the other boy’s body. His chest, down to his now content cock and finally his ass. The warm cloth felt good to Eren’s skin and he reveled in being taken care of. _I could get used to this_ he thought with a slight giggle. The small sound caused the other man to look up from his task with the cutest little look of confusion.

Eren grabbed the small towel and tossed in onto the other pile of forgotten fabrics and pulled the other man on top of him. He wrapped his legs firmly around the older man’s waist as he slowly kissed him into oblivion.

The two laid in the comfort of each other’s arms trading small jokes, teasing innuendos and both basked in the afterglow of their … proclivities.

Levi pulled the heavy blankets on top of their naked bodies, his own body covering the younger boy’s protectively in spite of his smaller size. Eren nuzzled his face into the other man’s chest, the deep rhythm of his heart beat lulled him into sleep before he knew it inspiring the most amazing of dreams that night. For both of them.

 

 

 

 

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I'd love to hear your thoughts on the smut scene! If you are uncomfortable posting a public comment, you can always submit an anon submission to: [My Tumblr: DirtyEffinHippy (Click Here)](dirtyeffinhippy.tumblr.com)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and your kind comments! Each comment, each kudos - you guys have no idea how much that means to me, how much it encourages me! It definitely makes me feel like the effort is rewarding and I love you guys so much for supporting this story! If you liked it, I would love to hear your thoughts! 
> 
> Also, don't forget to subscribe if you want updates on newly released chapters! 
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are welcome! <3 You guys are the best!


	10. A Force of Nature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very small chapter - Eren meets Hanji for the first time and its about what you'd expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is such a short chapter and it took so long! I've been so good about never going longer than a week to get you guys a new chapter but this month has been insane for me! I've been in and out of the ER off and on all month and my health is just in the crapper lately with my MS. Thank you for being patient with me! With it being the writing month, you can definitely expect weekly updates again! 
> 
> This is such a short chapter but I really just feel like I needed to get SOMETHING out after a few weeks. 
> 
> Thank you guys, enjoy!

 

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Please note that when I refer to Hanji, I use Them/They/Their pronouns to keep with the nature of the manga. Isayama has stated that their gender is pretty much

what the reader wants it to be so I want you to imagine the Hanji in YOUR mind. Hope that's ok! :D 

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For the first time in … god knows how long … Eren slept the whole night through. Peacefully. No nightmares, no tossing and turning – no self-crippling doubt and anxieties towards the futures unknown. Only peaceful rest nestled comfortably into the heat that surrounded him; a mountain of blankets, pillows, and the warm chest of a wickedly handsome shrink.

The smell of coffee was the first thing to rouse him from this peaceful respite. Rich, voluptuous wafts of deliciousness danced around his nose, delicately convincing the boy to open his eyes to the morning sun.

His surroundings slowly blinked to life as he took in the room once more in a very different way. The sun’s warmth breached the cocoon of blankets making it even more tempting to cuddle into them further. The threads of sunlight filtering through the blinds reached out to every corner of the bedroom as the brunette noticed, not surprisingly by the smell of coffee, that he was again left alone in bed.

His long limbs stretched cat-like as a slow grin plastered itself across his face. His body felt … good. He felt sated, if not a little sore. He bore the evidence of last night’s pleasures proudly on his skin, tiny bruises and marks blossomed on his neck, his chest … his thigh. The smile only became wider.

As he reached to grab his jeans, he could hear that Levi was not alone in the kitchen. He paused in his determination to get dressed in order better hear the other person. The mumbles were too low to make out actual words but there was no way he could miss the cackle. Eren quickly identified the mysterious other person as the very same he had heard when he spoke to Levi on the phone while he was at the office. The one that teased of Eren being his boyfriend, not that he had minded that accusation at the time.

Now fully clothed, he began to make his way to the two others in the house but paused before he left the safety of the bedroom. Far quicker than he could have anticipated, a cold feeling iced its way along his spine, doubt seeping in and a gut manipulating anxiety took hold of him. The feeling only expanded in his stomach, making it more difficult for the boy to breathe. Doubt. Should he be here? Should he interrupt? Would Levi be annoyed that he stayed over? Should he just make a quiet exit?

All of these thoughts jumbled together messily even as he knew how ridiculous some of them were. Logically, he knew there would be no problem with him joining the other two but Eren wasn’t exactly good with logical all of the time. Logic didn’t stop the crushing weight of insecurity as he hung back into the older man’s bedroom and shied away from any sort of confrontation.

A deep rooted sigh escaped his throat as he stalked back over to the edge of the bed, nearly missing it entirely as he plopped down. The boy hunched over, his elbows digging into his knees while he ground the heels of his hands into his eyes causing little stars to occupy his vision. Hunched, anxious and trapped – Eren was the perfect picture of cool, calm and ‘holy hell what am I doing?’

A few moments and several less than graceful shuddering sighs later, he finally gathered just enough resolve to brave the entire crowd of two out in the kitchen. The boy quickly ran his hands down the length of his jeans to alleviate some of the sweat that had taken residence in his palms. Deep breath in, deep breath out. _I got this,_ he thought to himself with a false bravado, _I am so rocking this. Totally calm and hell fucking yeah, I’m good. All good._

Levi stopped mid-sentence to look up as the boy rounded the corner, bare feet pattering tentatively on the carpet as the brunette made his way towards the kitchen. He gave Eren a small smile accompanied by a brisk nod that the boy took as an ‘okay’ to come crash their little party. The other person noticed this gesture and whipped around, eyes wide and a huge grin plastered across their face.

“EREN!” They cried excitedly, rushing off of the stool nearly toppling it over in the process.

The boy had about half of a second to brace for the impact as the other person plowed right into him, wrapping their arms around him in what can only be described as the most suffocating and giddy bear hug he’s ever had in his life.

He couldn’t help but laugh alongside them, their excitement was more than contagious – though Eren couldn’t think of a reason for so much glee, especially not over him.

“Hanji …” Levi muttered with a stern edge.

Their laugh only got louder as they set Eren back down and let go of their death grip. “…Hi?” Eren asked not even bothering to mask his amusement or his confusion.

Hanji made a motion, shooing away the questionable greeting as their grin grew even wider (if that was even possible). “Right, right … I’m Hanji, which you probably gathered from grumpy ruining our epic hug. I know, I know – I give epic hugs, everybody tells me so!” They continued to ramble, more on hugs or something like that.

The boy let out another laugh as he tried to keep up with the pace of this person’s speech – they spoke almost as fast as they moved.

“No one tells you that, no one wants your filthy hands all over them. Also, if you’d kindly step away from the kid before his ears explode… ” Levi responded, a small smirk to allude to his joking intent.

Hanji let out a loud moan of exasperation with an equally dramatic pout and they made their way back to the bar stool, sipping casually on their coffee mug as if nothing ever happened.

Levi let out a small cough, mostly for effect, “Eren, this is Dr. Hanji Zoe – she works in my office as a fellow psychologist. Hanji, this is Eren, my …” A small flicker of confusion appeared in the older man’s eyes as he realized he wasn’t quite sure how to introduce Eren. Eren felt particularly cheeky, Hanji’s epic hug to blame, and wrapped his arms over the other man’s shoulders to drape carelessly about his (holy hell, muscular) chest. “His lover extraordinaire,” the brunette announced dramatically, hands elaborately twisting in the air for emphasis. 

The squeal of pure joy that erupted out of the third person was enough to shatter windows as they clapped their hands together ecstatically. “HOW CUTE, this old geezer nabbed himself a college kid, you cougar!” They screeched, “My little grumperson is finally growing up! D’aw, good for you! You tell me if he’s not treating you right, Eren … we’ll fix him up for you!”

Eren’s face split into a grin at that, “Oh, he treats me just _fine”_ the last word purred into the other man’s ear making Levi shiver slightly at the implication.

“Sooooo …?” Hanji inquired, the methodic smile insinuating where their thoughts were leading, “How was it?”

Levi sputtered at that, almost knocking over his own coffee while Eren’s jaw dropped as he gaped at the very blatant question with a person that was still considered very much a stranger.

Hanji didn’t care, they plunged forward without a second thought; “Levi’s a top, isn’t he? He’s totally a top, there’s no way he would be a bottom … too much of a control freak,” at that their eyes grew wide with an elated gasp, “UNLESS! Oh my GOD, is he a power bottom?!” The rest of the sentence hardly made it out of their mouth as Hanji broke off into a fit of snickering giggles.

That broke Eren, he couldn’t hold in the laughter any more at this ludicrous conversation. This whole thing was new. New guy, new place, new people, new … conversations. It was too much and his body couldn’t think of any better reaction than to join in on the snickering fest.

Levi shook his head as he made a disgusted noise, “Get out, you four eyed filth.” The tone was deadpan and made Eren pause to look at the other man but Hanji only laughed harder. “Aw, come on snagglepuss, don’t be like that – inquiring minds want to know! It’s science, Levi … SCIENCE.”

The raven haired man took another sip from his mug, eyeing Hanji over the brim, “Science, my ass …” he muttered.

“S’cuse me? YOUR ass? So … is that the answer to my question?”

Levi’s free hand flung itself into the air as he shook his head in disbelief. Eren would be lying if he didn’t let his thoughts just casually bring up of an image of Levi beneath him … and he wasn’t entirely sure he hated it even though he usually preferred that position for himself.

“We are not talking about my private life.” Levi stated plainly. “And no, I’m not the bottom, get real.” He added that last part almost inaudibly as he scrubbed hid hand down the length of his face.

Hanji grinned at that, downing the rest of their drink as they gathered the few things they brought with them together and stood up. “That’s all I wanted to know,” they said with an indignant huff, “For now, at least … I'll leave you two loverbirds to it, then. I wouldn't turn down a visual recording! You know ... again, science!” Before Levi or Eren could say anything further, Hanji made their way to the front door. “Good seeing ya, Eren!” They called over their shoulder. “And see YOU on Monday, mister … with more juicy details.”

Levi threw a spare notebook that had been between them at the door, narrowly missing the other person. “Missed.” They sniggered as they shut the door behind them.

Eren let out a bark of laughter, “Well … uh, that was interesting.” Levi groaned as he went to retrieve the notebook that was sacrificed for a worthy cause of revenge. “Yeah, that’s Hanji for you. Mouthy, loud and a general lack care for social boundaries.”

Levi walked back towards Eren, pulling the boy in for a small kiss. Their lips touched, a chaste act but it spread warmth throughout the younger boy’s body as he smiled against Levi’s lips, “G’mornin’” he said into them, lazily and thoroughly enjoying being right where he was. Levi then tilted Eren’s head down as the other man kissed his forehead, “Good morning.”

Simple words. Simple actions. A billion different giddy thoughts. Eren could definitely get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are SO welcome and appreciated. Thank you guys so much for those of you that have commented, oh my gosh, you guys make my day! <3


	11. Where There is a Will, There is a Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gets a personal glimpse on just how bad Eren's relationship is with his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed the distraction so Chapter 11 is out early! Warning - this chapter is a little heavy. I loved Grisha in the manga, I did - I really did, but I needed him to be a certain way for Eren's background to make sense. And you didn't think I could let the two loverbirds be in heaven for ever, did ya? 
> 
> This chapter contains violence, abuse, language, implied self-harm and homophobia. Light reading, eh? This is, unfortunately, important to the rest of the story so I hope you can be ok with this one chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for being on this ride with me guys, I can't wait to keep writing! There's a lot more to go with this story :)

A few weeks have passed with the usual comings and goings of college life. His week days were filled with classes, his small group of friends and focusing on a few new pieces that may or may not have been inspired by a certain black-haired hunk of handsome.

His weekends were filled with Levi, all Levi. He would always head over to his place as soon as his last class ended shooting quick messages to Mikasa and Armin telling them not to wait up. His weekends were filled with steamy sex; desperate carnal acts that made Eren’s skin sing. Lazy mornings of breakfast and coffee and the occasional Hanji drive-by. The past few weekends were his little slice of heaven – safe from his mind, his worry, and his past.

So why was he curled up on the bathroom floor of his own apartment on a Friday night instead of in primal bliss with the new beau? That’s a good question.

Earlier in the week, everything was going as normal: stupid pissing contests with Hors- Jean, trying not to fall asleep during lectures and the occasional maternal fretting of his oh so loving roommates. Nothing spoke of anything short of a normal week until Thursday night.

It was raining, cold and phsyically draining outside – the perfect evening to curl up on the couch with a good horror movie to keep his mind occupied until the weekend. Mikasa ended up working late sending a text saying that she would stay the night with her boyfriend and Armin was pulling an all-nighter elsewhere. Eren had the whole apartment to himself and he was actually looking forward to it. Time to break out his forbidden hot pockets!

Settled into the couch, remote in one hand and a plate of pizza-ish pockets of deliciousness balanced in the other, he nestled into a comfortable position to begin his night of cheesy horror movie marathons.

Except not.

Not even five minutes into his festivities he heard a rapid barrage of angry knocks at his front door. Eren looked to the hallway in frustration with no real want to see who was on the other side. The knocking was obnoxious and he wasn’t expecting anyone so he had no reason to answer.

Pretending to not be home seemed the best option so he paused his movie and focused on remaining silent in hopes that this (rude) visitor would soon leave. A moment passed before the boy felt as though he was in the clear to resume his movie.

BANG, BANG, BANG

“Eren Jaeger, answer the damned door. Now.”

Eren’s face paled when he recognized the voice on the other side of the door.

Grisha. Or ... otherwise known as 'Dad’.

Eren could feel the bile rise inside of him, dread already claiming him completely and without abandon. He didn’t want to let the man in but he was too scared not to, his father obviously knew he was home. With shaking hands, he put aside his dinner and slowly rose from the couch. His movements deliberately slow to bide his time to postpone this interaction as long as humanely possible.

Conscientiously the boy made his way towards the front door. The bangs and demands only growing louder with impatience.  His hand hovered above the doorknob to let the man on the other side in. If only Eren could be anywhere else, he thought.

At last the door opened, barely cracked before Grisha bristled the rest of the way in forcing his way past his son in a flurry of ebbing anger. Whatever Eren did to make his father so angry, he hadn’t a clue. He was attending classes, he was paying his own way on the day to day expenses with his art pieces selling – he just couldn’t think of anything he did wrong.

“Dad?” At first Eren didn’t think he heard the hesitant whisper until Grisha whirled around on him faster than he expected, face twisted in an unfiltered rage.

“My son,” he grated out between grinding teeth, “my SON whoring about the town … is this a game to you, boy!? Do you get some sort of sick satisfaction at embarrassing your family!? Answer me!” His father grabbed a hold of both of Eren’s arms, fingertips biting viciously into his arms as he shook the brunette violently.

Eren moved one foot back to gain any semblance of balance which only provoked Grisha to shake him harder, the man looming maliciously making Eren feel two feet tall.

“Dad … DAD! What are you talking about?!”

The other man snarled, actually snarled in his face. Eren and his father never had a particularly good relationship but it became horrible once his mother passed. Grisha changed – he drank, he overworked; anything to get him out of the house and away from Eren. At least that’s how Eren saw it.

“This is a small town, you little harlot. People talk! I’ve had it with this phase of yours, it’s time to get a grip! I’m told you whored yourself out at the bar a few weeks ago and dared to make a scene and now I hear that you are shacking up with a doctor? Have you lost your God-forsaken mind? Floozy! Whore! That’s what they think of you – I am ashamed to call you my son! No son of mine parades around town like a faggot taking in any man that will have him … you are an embarrassment! I’m glad your mother is dead, she would be ashamed to see you like this! Get yourself under control or I will get you under control!”

There was actual spittle spewing from his mouth.

Eren’s ears were ringing, static took hold of his brain. His eyes, widened by fear, never left Grisha’s face but his words were becoming harder and harder to follow.

This is usually where Eren would have a flippant remark to respond with to hide his distress or at least some form of rebuttal to gain some kind of even ground with his father but the last few weeks have been bliss and had softened the wall Eren built for himself to keep him safe inside. And keep Grisha out.

He could tell Grisha was demanding something of him. The question blared about his face but Eren couldn’t hear him over the ringing.

A hard slap to the right side of his face.

Eren toppled backwards, back sliding down the hallway wall.

Grisha’s belt was now in his hand.

He cocked back, eyes lit with fire and fury.  

Slut. Whore. Faggot. Disappointment. Whore. Slut. Worthless. Good for nothing. Disgrace.

These words littered the action as Grisha brought his hand down time and time again, the belt hitting his face, his shoulders, his arms, anywhere that was visible.

The stings of impact gradually began to lessen. The shock giving him some semblance of protection against the pain. He felt his eyebrow split, the blood trickled down into his eye. He didn’t dare raise a hand to wipe it clean. He sat, crumpled on the floor as still as he could possible make himself in hopes that Grisha would get it out of his system and just LEAVE already.

Grisha’s chest heaved with the effort, his breath coming in and out in waves as his anger began to satiate slowly.

A dull rage remained on his face as he curled the belt into his hand, his other firmly made into a fist.

“Don’t. You. EVER. Show. Your. Face. To. Me. Again. You are NO son of mine, I raised no whore!”

Eren could hear the man swallow forcefully as the stern expression fell into place on the man’s features. Eren nodded weakly, silently. _Please just go. Please, please, please, God, just make him go._

He dared to peek through his bangs up at his father, his back now turned before he stalked right back through the front door. A loud slam of the entrance to announce Eren’s freedom as he peeled himself off of the floor.

Everything hurt. His arms. His shoulders stiff, the cut on his face stinging and all of the affected areas seem to flare at once with a blossoming pain that took Eren in a fit on nausea. He barely made it to the sink before what little he ate today came rushing out in one heaping gush.

His vision blurred, the ringing in his ears louder than ever. The smell of bile assaulted his nose and threatened to send him over the edge once more. Tears pooled at the corners of his eyes, he tried so hard to keep them from falling. He could already feel his right eye begin to swell shut from the belt’s impact.

His body sore, his mind screaming.

Thoughts of the rape came flooding back. _My fault. My fault. My fault._

He could feel the scream gurgling in his gut wanting escape. Expanding and expanding and threatening to choke him. This is familiar. This is what Eren thought he deserved. Sobs punched their way out of his throat, pathetic and weening. The tears gushing now, no point in trying to stop them.

Desperate. Clawing. Can’t breathe, can’t see, can’t hear. Skin feels gross. Tight. Lungs heavy, blood cold. Head dizzy. Insides are screaming, wailing, begging.

He wasn’t in control. Not anymore.

Somehow Eren found himself on the bathroom floor that connects to his bedroom. The last thing he consciously saw before he passed out was blood on his arms, but he couldn’t remember being hit there.

Then black.

 

* * *

 

 

_Eren … Eren!_

_Bring me a warm towel._

_Eren!_

_Stand back. Get back!_

_Eren … come on … Eren!_

_Eren!!!_

* * *

 

 

God, everything hurts. Eren’s body felt heavy. He was laying down, he could tell. He went to open his eyes and began to panic when he could only open one of them. His breathing became faster, rushed as the weight on his stomach lifted and he saw Levi’s confused face quickly turn to determination as he tried to calm the boy down.

Levi’s hand cupped the side of his face, his thumb rubbing just shy of the wound there. “Shh, Eren … it’s ok. You’re at home, in your bed. Don’t panic, you’re ok.”

His words were quiet but held an authority that immediately made Eren want to obey as he worked on evening out his breathing.

He reached up tentatively to where Levi’s thumb rested feeling the plush skin as it bubbled up and over his eye lid. He grimaced when he grazed the split skin just above where the eye began to swell and tried to play it off. “Wicked black eye, huh? Chicks dig it.” The joke probably would have had more of an impact if his voice could raise more than a barely there croak.

A scowl took precedence over Levi’s face, a look of concerned concentration and something else that he couldn’t identify.

“I was worried when you didn’t show up. I couldn’t get a hold of you. Call it a hunch but figuring your knack for getting yourself in trouble, kid, I’m glad I followed my gut on this one.” He tried to lift the corner of his mouth in a slight smile, but it came off tighter lipped than that. “What happened, Eren?”

The boy groaned, his body felt weighted and he had one helluva headache.

“Family drama, the usual.”

Only then did he notice Mikasa lingering near the doorway, her hackles raised and he knew that she realized that Grisha was to blame.

He could see past her that Armin was passed out on the couch, clearly exhausted. How long was he out? Were they waiting on him to wake up?

Levi looked back to Mikasa for some clarification when it was clear that Eren wasn’t going to be the one. Her steely gaze settled on the older man. “Grisha. Eren’s father. I’ll kill that bastard!” Her voice was low, murderous, and purposeful. Mikasa was there for the deterioration of what little of a relationship he and Grisha had. She knew everything. More than Armin, even.

“Your father did this?” the raven haired man asked, his voice calm. Almost clinical. Old habits.

Eren snorted, “Yeah. He can’t stand having a fag for a son. He was mad that I ‘whored myself out’ the night at the bar. His words, not mine.” The tears began to pool again at the edges of his vision as he recalled the pure hate that seethed from his father. He felt Levi’s fist curl before he saw it. When he looked up at the other man, Levi’s face was controlled. But his eyes? Oh, how his eyes burned.

Mikasa could easily recognize the change in posture, those two had a lot in common now that Eren could think about it – seeing them side by side it was hard to ignore the similarities. She came to rest a calming hand on Levi’s shoulder and it took the other man a second before he let the tension ease out of him.

“Eren.”

Levi’s gaze fell to the boy’s arm which he just now noticed to be covered in perfectly placed gauze. The color drained from his face, he had no recollection of cutting himself but now that he was made aware, there was no denying that cutting himself is exactly what he had done.

“I, uh – I don’t remember doing that exactly.” The boy’s gaze turned sheepish and he couldn’t bring himself to look Levi in the eye.

He felt weak, then. _Please don’t leave me._

Levi’s careful gaze softened, something must have read on the boy’s face because he was quickly wrapped up in the familiar arms of his lover. Levi’s scent enveloped him. Comforted him.

His arms and shoulders hurt but he didn’t care, he hugged the other man harder in return. All that mattered in this moment was being in his embrace. With so much going on and with the hurricane inside of his head, being here in Levi’s arms was a calm that Eren needed.

His eyes leaked, the tears finally breaking free. Levi’s grip became tighter as he felt Mikasa cover him from the other side. In between his sister and his lover, regardless of the hell from the previous night, he felt safe.

_Safe._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments ARE SO WELCOME AND APPRECIATED!!!! <3 <3 <3 You have no idea, they make my day! And I'd love to see your reactions to this chapter so don't hesitate to write about it in the comments if you feel up to it. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much! Until next chapter ;)


	12. It's A Long Hard Road Out of Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small smut.
> 
> Eren's safe.
> 
> Levi is protective. 
> 
> And a small glimpse at to what happened from Levi's point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of gets a tad dark towards the end. I feel like this chapter is really important because it brings up an issue that I know a lot of people battling mental illness face. The legal system and the societal system is not kind to those who have sought help. It is seen as a blemish on a background check that employers and the like frown on. Especially in America, once you've been labeled as mentally ill following being committed into a professional facility - that is all many people see. It is sad and should not be the way it is. You shouldn't be punished for wanting to live. 
> 
> Eren finally makes it to Levi's with a little smut action (because Eren needs some good things) and you get a peek at what went through Levi's mind during the Friday disaster. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, guys! Next chapter is a happy one, promise! :D <3

Eren’s breaths were becoming harsher, the sweat beginning to overpower his brow as his face scrunched up in concentration. “Levi …” he grunted out, panting the man’s name over and over.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands grappling desperately onto the bedding as the raven-haired man worked tirelessly at the boy’s erection in between eager lips. The man’s eyes flickered up as Eren’s head lolled back to face down towards the glorious site in front of him.

Levi was on his knees situated firmly in between tanned legs, soft moans could be felt around his member. Every so often Eren would squeeze his thighs together to trap Levi between them. He would thrust into the other man’s mouth deeper to test the limits that he could go within the warmth that Levi was giving him. Grey eyes flickered up to meet shocking teal, his eyes smirking while his mouth remained otherwise occupied.

After everything settled that night at Eren’s apartment, they had all decided it would be best if perhaps Eren stayed with Levi for a few days; just until they were all sure that Grisha wouldn’t come back for one reason or another. Armin said his teary goodbyes as if Eren was going across the globe and not the other side of town. Mikasa was firm as she packed a small bag for the boy, packing essentials, extra cloths, and his sketchbook that he never went anywhere without. Hugs, well wishes, and gratitude were all exchanged before Eren piled into Levi’s car. His bones hurt, his bruises hurt, everything just … hurt. Eren’s eyes were still puffed with red irritation from crying and his stomach still lurched with unsettled nerves. Relaxing into the leather of the passenger’s car seat, Eren relished the feeling of Levi’s fingertips entwined with his own. The safety in his warm palm felt amazing and just what he needed.

Little did Eren know that even more pampering would follow suit.

Eren let out a hearty groan as he could feel the warmth spreading through his belly, waves of electricity licking at his spine as he felt Levi’s tongue rack along the underside of his cock. His mouth took him completely, which – not to brag – was no ‘easy’ feat.

Levi’s hot breath teased at his arousal as the man moved at a wonderfully languid pace, his hand reaching to provide the necessary friction to take Eren that step further into pleasure.

The brunette was quickly approaching the point of being completely undone, the older man’s skilled tongue driving him mad. As his head bobbed methodically up and down Eren’s shaft, the boy’s groans and pleas became louder.

“Levi … _Levi!”_

He quickly shoved the other man off of his cock gracelessly as the spurts of white liquid shot out without warning. The dribbles of arousal soaking into the carpet as his body relieved itself of the pleasures within. His body felt hot, skin prickly and breath desperate. Oh, my god – that was amazing. And unexpected.

What was also unexpected was shoving the other man away.

And the mess now on the carpet.

Eren’s eyes widened as he looked at the man slowly rise from his position, pure skill kept him from toppling over at the younger man’s immediate shove. He looked into the steely grey eyes as Levi collected himself. He didn’t look pissed at Eren for pushing him, but he did look bewildered.

At the confused look that Levi was giving him, Eren couldn’t help but to blush feeling a little silly at losing control like that. “You know, ‘cause, um … you’re like _that_ about messes and stuff, I just figured that I’d uh catch it, or something.” ‘That’ apparently accentuated by wild arm flailings that were supposed to, in some way, convey a specific message. Levi just stared at him, the smallest hint of a smirk on his lips. “Fine” he stated plainly, “You know what to do then, clean it up.”

Eren gaped at him as he stood there still as a statue … how unromantic!

Levi just let out a small, deep chuckle as he rose from his haunches to push Eren back onto the bed, successfully trapping the boy beneath him.

Milky white hands smoothed over the ripples of Eren’s abs, trailing the skin lightly, teasing movements causing goosebumps to flourish wildly on Eren’s arms. Levi bent down gingerly, softly covering the boy’s lips with his own. Careful movements as his tongue, almost politely, asked for permission to enter Eren’s mouth.

After the passion that Eren was only moments ago exuding, this careful and luxurious kiss took Eren by surprise. It was so careful and … sweet. Levi’s taste swirled over the boy’s taste buds delectably, he savored every moment of the man’s lips on his own.

Eren reached down towards the other man’s arousal, he could feel the bulge just beneath the jeans that trapped him. Levi’s hand followed and gently pulled the boy’s hand away, giving a small hum of gentle disapproval as he did so.

“No, not tonight. This is about you and you need to rest.”

His voice was calm.

Irritatingly so.

Eren could feel the pout on his lips and the furrow of his brow before he even heard Levi’s short spurt of laughter. ‘ _From fierce to five years old’_ is what Jean used to call the look.

Funny, though … it used to be more effective.

Levi’s kisses trailed the boy’s jawline, small flutters of the barest of touches. He kissed the boy’s jaw, his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, and one final and lingering kiss on his ineffective pout.

That’s all well and good but Eren’s body was on _fire_ and he wanted more.

He went to grab Levi’s arm to stop him when the other man started to peel himself away from Eren but the little bastard was quick for a short guy, he maneuvered out of his hand like it was pre-choreographed.

For a few moments, he was alone in the room. He could smell the sweat rolling off of him and could taste a small amount of blood in his mouth from prior, less enjoyable, events.

When Levi returned, he had two steaming hot cups of what smelled like green tea and a bowl of grapes. Eren looked up at the other man dubiously at the choice of snackage to which Levi just gave a noncommittal shrug as he nestled into the spot on the bed beside the boy. Wearing nothing but a pair of, mmhmm form fitting, black briefs, Eren decided he should at least be wearing the same. Naked, he stood from the bed to look about the room for a game of ‘where did we throw my underwear?’

It was hard to see in the dim lighting, the older man could tell that Eren was struggling to find what he was looking for. Levi wasn’t going to complain, it wasn’t a half bad show after all.

Finally, after much complaining and huffing on Eren’s part, the two men snuggled deep into the covers. Once again, Levi took a protective position around the taller boy - that is the habit between them when they curl up together. Eren didn’t mind, he trusted Levi with everything which was a little scary if he thought about it. And he did. All of the time. But not now, not when Levi’s heart beat created a calming rhythm for him to fall asleep to.

To say that the last two days have been emotionally and physically draining to Eren would be a monumental and laughable understatement. His body felt the weight of Thursday night, of Grisha’s brutality against him. The cuts, the bruised bones and cracked skin … it all ached.

It wasn’t the first time Grisha had crossed the line like that but it WAS the first time that Eren hadn’t prepared himself. He was completely lost through it all … and scared.

Those thoughts, though – those could be for tomorrow. Tonight, he was safe in Levi’s arms and the lullaby of his heartbeat was enough to carry his thoughts into a dreamless sleep, hot tea and outside realities completely forgotten.

 

* * *

 

 

[ Levi’s perspective ]

 

As he looked down onto the sleeping form curled up into his chest, Levi’s mind was churning out thoughts a million miles per second. The cut brow glared at him as he couldn’t help the small feeling of failing to protect the boy even though that is precisely what he promised to do.

The scene replayed in his mind over and over.

As had become habit, Eren usually showed up at his home with a small bag no later than 4 PM on Fridays – sometimes even earlier, it had almost become routine. When 6 PM rolled around, he sent a casual message to make sure that everything was ok that went unanswered. That tingling suspicion at the thought of something being wrong prompted the man to instead try calling the boy.

No answer.

Using his thumb to flicker down to another name in his contact list, Mikasa, he lifted the phone to his ear as one ring passed. Two rings. On the third ring he heard the calm voice on the other end; a simple ‘hello’.

The conversation soon became an invitation as his concern did not go ignored. Mikasa had to excuse herself early from her night shift but promised to meet Levi at 7:30 back at the apartment.

When he arrived, Mikasa already there in the garage waiting, he immediately took note of the fact that Eren’s car remained parked in the usual spot alluding to the fact that he was, in fact, home. A brief question of ‘is he ignoring me’ flittered in but was quickly dismissed. The boy was too easy to read, if he was having those thoughts about Levi, he would know and he would respect that. The fact that Mikasa had also tried to get in contact with her roommate, and failed, did not bode well for the two as they made their way through the front entrance.

The first thing they noticed was that the door was unlocked.

A sign that he could tell immediately put the younger girl’s defenses up as her spine straightened and her eyes narrowed in focus.

The pair pushed through the front door and noticed immediately the small blood splatters in the entry way. The smell hit their noses a moment later as he found the source of the repugnant odor in the kitchen sink.

Dried vomit. Bile.

More blood. A pool of it near a thin steak knife covered in the same liquid.

“Eren!” came Levi’s booming voice.

Mikasa had already moved ahead while he continued to look around for any idea of what happened other than what his first thought went to. He prayed he was wrong. The boy had been doing so well, what would cause this relapse? Had he missed something crucial?

A small gasp and a breathy “Eren …” could be heard from the other girl and he knew immediately that the sound had come from the boy’s bedroom.

Steeling himself for the worst, he quickly made his way towards the scene.

The boy laid bowed into himself; pale, clammy … bruises painted the skin that was visible, a blackened and swollen eye, dried blood framing his features.

And a vicious gash along his right arm.

Levi was kneeling beside him before he had even realized he moved, Mikasa reached for her phone to which he could only assume to call the hospital.

“No, no hospital yet. Let me think, we can figure this out.”

“Eren needs medical attention.” She stated icily.

“I fucking know he needs medical attention, get me something to close the wound.”

She tossed a small hand towel down at him, a little rougher than necessary.

The phone was still in her hand, contemplation written as clear as day across her face.

“Don’t you fucking dare. You make that phone call, you ruin any chance Eren has at getting through this. They will, by law, have to detain him under psychiatric hold. Do you want to have him committed? Before we try anything else, do you really want that to be the choice you make? Think carefully, because once that is on his record – that is how anyone will always see him for the rest of his life.”

He sighed, his words came out harsh and guttural.

“Our health system is fucked. He will be punished if he seeks help, that’s how it works here. You love him, I know you do, please don’t take away his future like this, not if there is an alternative. Let me help him … please, Mikasa, I can help.” The words were pleading words but his tone was all but vacant. They had to be, Levi had to control himself if he was going to be of any use. Right now all he wanted to do was scream and HIT something but that would do neither of them any good. He needed to keep his head. For Eren.

He looked down and noticed that the boy’s breathing started to hitch, almost like he was fighting for the right to breath. Panic slid down the entire length of his body.

“Eren!”

He patted the boy’s face with one hand and moved his other to find a pulse. His breathing was sporadic, his pulse wild.

“Eren!”

“Bring me a warm towel!”

Mikasa moved, crowding Levi and blocking his light. Distraction. She was a distraction.

“Stand back!”

She ignored him, her hand moving to Eren’s arm.

“Get back!” He all but snarled at her to do what he damned well said. He needed to calm the boy down, his vitals were spinning out of control. He needed a warm towel to wipe away the blood so he could gauge just what precisely he needed to do to stop this from getting worse.

His heart beat was becoming irregular. The boy was now shaking, trembling – though still unconscious. A seizure? No, but his body was shutting down. Too much blood loss, need to stop the bleeding. Need that fucking towel. 

“Eren … come on … Eren!”

Finally, fucking finally, the girl listened and brought him everything she thought he needed. For a brief second, the brunette stopped breathing … it was time for Levi to do whatever he needed to make sure that the boy pulled through this.

“Eren!!!”

…

After some time, they were finally able to get him stable, the blood flow had been stopped and they were doing everything they could to make him comfortable. Mikasa worked silently on patching the boy’s wounds and Levi was thankful for the silence.

He couldn’t bring himself to apologize for how he reacted, how he lost his composure with her but he had a feeling that she understood.

He sat by the edge of the bed while the boy slept. His breathing had returned to somewhat normal and his skin slowly regaining the color lost.

Neither of them had any idea what could have happened. When Levi inquired about Eren’s behavior, she had said that he’d been happier than she’s ever seen him. Last time she had spoken to him, he was excited about having some kind of movie marathon to celebrate having the house to himself on Thursday night.

So how does THIS happen from an innocent movie night?

That was the million dollar question that would be left unanswered … at least while Eren still slept. He and Mikasa could only watch over him until he woke and they would do anything to make sure that he did.

Levi looked back down at the boy nestled comfortably into his side in his own warm bed as the memories of that night slowly began to fade out and he found himself back in the present. With an Eren that would be fine, healthy … safe.

The smell of green tea hung in the air as Levi’s arms twitched protectively against the brunette. _How could his father do this? That bastard …_

He’d seen too many broken teens and young adults come in and out of his clinic because of abusive fuckheads that couldn’t handle the responsibility of not having cookie cutter children. Too many of them left abandoned for trivial reasons; sexuality, religion, identity … things that should have no bearing on how one is accepted in society much less with their own damned family. Too many broken youths left to repair the damage done by people they were supposed to be able to trust. The thought set Levi’s blood aflame with each and every case. Even more now that it was personal, that one of those broken people laid in his arms with evidence of the hatred that people are capable of possessing.

His ‘father’.

Disgusting pig.

Levi knew that sleep would not find him so easily tonight to which he paid no mind if it meant he could keep an eye on the boy. The more and more he replayed the scene in his mind, the more he was certain of one thing:

Grisha Jaeger better stay the fuck away from him. From both of them.

For once he was grateful for having the Chief of Police in his pocket. He had a feeling that if Grisha was ever stupid enough to come at Eren again, Levi was going to need Erwin Smith’s sway to keep him out of prison because there was no goddamned way he was going to let that poor excuse for a father get away with this.  

The resolve settled into the man, sinking into him like lead. He had always been accused of being too protective by those who knew him well enough to see past the exterior coldness.

They had no idea just how protective he could be but he knew in this moment that he was capable of anything to keep this kid safe. He just hoped there wouldn’t be a time to test that because there was nothing in this world that could stop him from shutting that fucker down if he was forced to. Not if that swine had the gall while Levi was around.

 _Test me_ he snarled in his mind to an invisible Grisha, a man he’s never met or even knew what he looked like. _Swing your balls around me, worthless pig, I’ll rip them off without a second thought._

Eren snuggled into him, his name murmured out between sleeping lips. A small smile brought Levi back from the dark places his mind continued to go. Such a small gesture brought him back. Back to himself and back to Eren.

It was going to be ok. It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the lovely comments! Seeing that notification just makes my whole day, it really does make a writer feel good! <3 <3 <3 
> 
> Kudos and comments are ALWAYS appreciated and wanted, thank you guys so much for continuing with me on the journey of "Which Way to Here"! 
> 
> Enjoy!


	13. Eggs with that sausage?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fluff filler chapter to break up the poor abuse I'm putting Eren through. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fluffy, light-hearted (small) chapter to break up the drama a little bit <3 I hope you enjoy!

At first, Eren wasn’t sure what had woken him up. It was late and they had been asleep for a few hours, at least. He moved his left hand to rub some of the sleepiness away from his eyes but froze mid movement when he heard a deep, guttural groan next to him.

The room was pitch black save a barely there illumination from the street lamps outside. He was naked, as was the older man beside him. Eren squinted his eyes to better see the source of sound coming from the other man.

Normally he wouldn’t think anything of it … a snore, maybe … nothing you can’t ignore. But there was _something_ almost feral in the sound that came from the raven haired man’s throat. Looking down, he saw that Levi was almost trembling, his head tipped back forcefully into the pillow, eyes clutched tightly against the waking world.

Grunts, groans … small, animal like sounds continued to make their way out of the other man until he bolted up right in bed. His eyes as wide as Eren has ever seen them, breath ragged and skin abnormally cool to the touch as he gently reached out to put his open palm against Levi’s back. Something to let the other man know that he was there, that he wasn’t alone.

“Eren?” his voice rasped out hoarsely.

“Hey, it’s me …”

_Lame. Who else would it be? Stupid …_

Levi let out one final whooshing sound of breath before he scooted back against the headboard turning on the bedside lamp in the process.

“Nightmares?” Eren asked. A small bark of laughter was the older man’s response.

“You could say that.”

Unfamiliar territory, this was. Eren was used to being the one to freak out, have fits, not be … perfect. But to see Levi like that? Not going to lie, it was strange. Just in the short amount of time they have known each other, Levi became a rock for Eren very quickly. He started to think he was damned well perfect.

Not that this makes him less than perfect,

At least not to Eren.

But to know that even someone like him gets … jittery. It both made Eren feel relieved and a little heartbroken to know that there was something out there that made Levi react like that.

Levi knew all sorts of things about Eren … first meeting kind of blew the awkward door wide open. Already Levi knew more about him than most people; his family, his nervous ticks, his ‘moods’. It only just now occurred to the boy that he couldn’t really say the same about his knowledge of the older man. He knew his job, yeah. And that he was a clean freak like no other. He could go days without sleeping … that discovery got exhausting quickly. All of that was fine and good but with all the dark nooks and crannies of Eren being laid bare, it was a little disheartening to realize how selfish he’d been in regards to knowing the other man.

How had it not occurred to him before now?

The older man’s breathing had returned to normal, as if nothing had even occurred. He laid back down, his right arm draping over Eren’s waist to pull him down to resume their position.

Eren wanted to ask what was wrong, even if it turned out to be a silly little nightmare. He wanted to comfort Levi the way he had done for the boy so many times before. There were a lot of things he wanted to do but that sliver of insecurity gave him no permission to act on any of them.

He looked up into his face, Levi’s features already relaxed. Dark eyelashes rested comfortably atop milky cheeks and the slow hum of steady breaths gave Eren the inclination that the other man was already fast asleep – nightmare apparently forgotten.

The rhythm of Levi’s breaths were hypnotizing, lulling Eren’s thoughts to traipse down a linear path pushed by worry, insecurity and wonder. There wasn’t anything there to stop his mind from trudging through the muddy waters of “what ifs” and half-cooked conclusions to what goes on inside the older man’s head.

And naturally Eren’s mind came up with only the worst possible scenarios.

He burrowed further into Levi’s warm chest, skin so comfortably warm once more even with the cooling sweat that lightly coats it.

The pale arms covering him flex around the boy involuntarily pushing him closer into the other man’s embrace. The smell of Levi’s cologne, of sex, and of his beloved green tea flooded his nose and he drew in a deep, calming inhale.

His eyes fluttered closed and … eventually, sleep overtook him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Morning came and for the first time since meeting, Eren woke first. There was no coffee waiting and, more importantly, he didn’t wake up to an empty bed. Which was nice, he could admit.

With more lighting provided by the morning, the boy could study Levi a little better – more light to see him with; to see his long lashes, such a dark contrast to the paleness of his skin. The way his jaw cuts sharply to compliment raised cheekbones. His hair was in shambles and Eren couldn’t help the small swell of pride that bubbled inside of him that this man, even if it was temporary, this man was _his._

In a flash of inspiration, the brunette quietly peeled himself away from his sleeping lover. Quiet as a mouse he crept out of the bedroom closing the door silently behind him to keep the noise of his purpose from reaching the sleeping man’s ears.

He made his way to the kitchen, a quick look at the clock on the stove told him that it was just past 08:30. That was a shock, Eren NEVER woke up that early for anything voluntarily (much to Levi’s disapproval).

The older man always pampered the younger boy whether it be with delicious breakfasts or intricate dinners, Levi always took care of him. After seeing the momentary distress from the other man last night, no matter what the cause was, he wanted to return the favor.

Ignore the fact that the boy has never cooked a thing in his life. Like, ever.

First things first … fiiiiind edible stuff. Things. Things to eat. Breakfasty things. That’s not hard, right? Eren’s face scrunched up as he tried to think of all the things Levi has made for him in the past while trying to decide which one would cause the least amount of damage.

He’s seen people make eggs a thousand times, how hard can it be?

 

…

 

 

The smoke was thickening by the second, the smell of burnt eggs was horrific and unlike anything he has ever smelled in his life! He tried to grab the pan off of the stove, his hand grabbing the wrong part instantly became apparent by the sharp and immediate pain that seared through his palm.

He dropped the pan immediately, blackened and sizzling eggs splaying every which way of the kitchen. The clanging of the metal and the steady stream of ‘shit, shit, shit, shit’ was enough to wake up anyone and their mother. And if that didn’t do it … the smoke alarm that just now got with the program would.

Blaring, steady whomps of sound declared mightily proud that Eren had, in fact, fucked up breakfast … royally.

Not a second later a very alert and very, ahem, naked Levi came barreling out of the bedroom like he was marching to war. Even more surprising, he wielded an admittedly impressive knife … knife, but no pants.

His wild eyes surveyed the damage before him … smoke billowing upwards to hug the ceiling, bits of food all over the floor and cabinets. Eggs? A discarded pan, water everywhere …

“What the hell?”

And a very sheepish looking brunette in nothing but a pair of boxers and an impish grin on his face.

“Heeeeey, Leviiiii … Surprise?”

Silence.

Well, ignoring the still blaring fire alarm.

And the dripping faucet.

And the wheels in Eren’s head spinning trying to figure out the fastest way to run the OPPOSITE direction of Levi.

One more look around and Levi just shook his head and turned to make his way back to the bedroom where he now was thinking he should have stayed to begin with. There were many things he was prepared and willing to deal with today. This was not one of them.

A sheepish Eren followed suit, feeling a little guilty that in spite of everything, he still managed to enjoy the view in front of him.

Though he couldn’t see it from behind, Levi knew the other boy was staring and he also relished the fact that Eren couldn’t see the knowing smirk that was on the older man’s face.

This was going to be an interesting day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thank you SO SO SO much for all of the lovely comments and kudos! Such a seemingly small gesture means the entire WORLD to me ... you have no idea how much I look forward to reading your comments and see the little number beside the heart go up. It keeps me motivated to write and makes me so happy to see that people are actually enjoying what I wrote! 
> 
> Thank you guys so much, it means everything to me! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are ALWAYS welcome <3


	14. E-mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter as an intro into chapter 15 going up later this week which will introduce Erwin for the first time properly.  
> I can tell you it'll be an interesting intro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A SMALL, very small (I will never have another small chapter like this) chapter to introduce Erwin before he officially comes into the story :)

FROM: _Smith, Erwin_  

TO: _Ackerman, Levi_

SUBJECT: _none_

 

Levi. I am not certain as to why you can’t return a simple phone call but seeing as you are tied to your computer like the workaholic you are, I can assume you will at least read this.

It’s been awhile since we have met for lunch, I would love to treat you one day to catch up. I hear you have a special someone who attends a certain university. A college kid? At MIKE'S college, nonetheless? Is that really necessary, Levi? I know I’ve said to offer your heart to someone but I didn’t mean to go rob a cradle looking for them.

I’m kidding.

I hope you are happy, I wish nothing but the best for you, my friend. We may not have always seen eye to eye but I wish only for your peace of mind. We've been to hell and back, it'd be good to see you have a reason to smile for once. 

Get back to me when you get a chance, I wasn’t lying when I said I wished to catch up.

 

Call me.

 

 

E. S.

Also, I hear he is taller than you. Must be tough having to babysit a kid you need to look up at.

 

* * *

 

 

FROM: _Ackerman, Levi_

TO: _Smith, Erwin_

SUBJECT: _Fuck you_

 

I think you misunderstand the “I’m busy and don’t have time to talk” message that comes with not answering the phone. You always were dense, I think your eyebrows eat your brain cells while you sleep.

Feeling very suspicious about this “lunch” … didn’t figure you one for gossip, what gives? 

Fine, whatever, set something up. I'll probably say yes. 

 

 

Levi

 

PS The short jokes never get old, fuck you very much.

PSS (?) I am happy. Plus the kid has a great ass. Ponder that while you’re taking your next shit, you big stupid tree.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SQUEE more comments and kudos?! I love it, I love you guys so much! They are always so appreciated! They are so reassuring that people actually LIKE what I am writing which is SO motivational, you have no idea. Thank you so much for reading and being so amazing! <3


	15. The Mountain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin meet Eren, Eren - run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry! I was so good about weekly updates! I had a bunch of medical emergencies this month (I started radiation treatment again) and my partner and I just recently bought a house so it has been such a busy time! This chapter is short because I split it in half. It wasn't done but I felt like I kept putting it off so I decided just to split it so I could finally at least get SOMETHING out there. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much!

* * *

 

It was a quiet morning. Levi’s house was empty, the other man had to run into the office for a few hours despite having the day off.

It was the first time that Eren had been in his house unsupervised, it felt a little invasive. He was almost scared to touch anything, which was silly – he could admit. Even after a couple of days, he was still in the process of getting comfortable. Ironically enough, the only time he was ever really comfortable here and with Levi is when he was naked and … otherwise occupied.

The stillness was becoming unnerving and the nervous energy the boy felt waiting for Levi’s return wasn’t helping matters either. The gurgling sound that came from the kitchen reminded Eren that coffee was waiting for him, the boy retrieved the warm mug and padded his way back into the living room. With the warmth of the beverage nestled tightly in between his knees to keep it from spilling over, he reached for one of the remotes on the small coffee table so he could numb his mind with some silly soap opera.

Curled into his side, arm propped up on the side of the couch with his drink in hand he focused all of his attention to whatever drama was unfolding on this, poorly, scripted television show. Apparently the husband wasn’t dead but also wasn’t just the husband, he’s the long lost brother. _Who watches this crap?_ Eren thought slightly amused. He wanted a distraction, well – this silliness was it.

At some point he must have dozed off, his face still cradled in his open palm propped up on the arm of the couch, his coffee long forgotten off to the side. The sound of three firm knocks on the front door startled Eren out of his nap, eyes flown wide as he scrambled clumsily to his feet.

It took him a moment to get his heartrate back down as he strained his ears to listen more, he couldn’t tell if there was actually someone at the door or it was just something in his dream. The house was otherwise dead quiet, the TV automatically turning off after a certain amount of time had passed.

Two more quick knocks confirmed the noise that woke him up as he made his way tentatively to the front door. Barefoot, hair mussed and eyes slanted in sleep, the door swung wide as he blinked blearily into the immediate glare of sunlight to make out the shape in the doorway. Before him, there was a tall man – blonde with a bone structure that could kill a man. Light hair styled effortlessly, wispy in the slight breeze as loose tendrils wafted delicately. Strong eyebrows framed an even stronger pair of beautiful blue eyes, their focused gaze blazing right into Eren keeping him fully rooted in place staring back in a sleepy wonder.

A small cough erupted Eren’s thoughts as the taller man looked past him into the living room. “You must be Eren” the stranger said pushing his focus back to the younger boy. Eyes narrowed slightly, “The college boy.”

The brunette tilted his head a little in confusion, the last bit seemed unnecessary but the intent was pretty clear: for some reason, the blonde stranger wanted Eren to feel small. For whatever reason, he had no clue.

“Can I help you?” He bit out, already 100% done with this conversation. He wasn’t awake enough for some random guy’s attitude. More so with no shirt on and the cold air slapping against him.

The next thing he knew, he felt a warm body brush up past him and walk inside. The man sauntered in confidently as if he owned the place as he beelined towards the other end of the house and made straight for the coffee maker. Busying himself with preparing himself a cup, Eren was left watching after him with a mild curiosity: who the hell did this guy think he was?

“Rude …” the younger boy grumbled out huffily as he followed into the kitchen. The smell of coffee already beginning to saturate the air, the blonde turned around and leaned casually against the counter watching Eren’s arrival with a barely there look of amusement in his eyes.

A moment of silence bounced back heavily in between them, Eren’s eyes defiantly boring into the other man’s. A moment later, the sluggish sounds of the machine came to a close while stranger fixed himself a mug of whatever it was he just made. Turning back around, his eyes raked over Eren with an unabashed totality before pushing himself off of the counter to offer his free hand.

Eren took it tentatively until he felt the strong squeeze, a challenge. Eren retaliated in kind without breaking eye contact until a soft chuckle escaped the taller man’s lips accompanied by the withdrawal of his hand. The exchange was quick. A pissing contest, almost. Again, the ‘why’ behind this interchange was still escaping the boy. “Erwin Smith” he said in an overconfident voice that made Eren want to bash every tooth in his skull, “any idea when Levi will be home? I thought he’d be here on his day off.”

Letting the fact that this Erwin knew Levi’s schedule bothered him a little slide, he responded coolly “He had to run back out for something at work, he said he wouldn’t be long.” _Yeah, that sounded mature. Cool, calm, and collected. Take that, asshole._

Erwin made a low hum sound that seemed much louder to the boy’s ears than it should have.

“And why are you here, hm? With Levi gone, I mean.” The question was airy – light. It didn’t sound malicious, only curious. So why couldn’t Eren shake the feeling that this guy was going to be a much bigger problem than he was letting on?

“Because he said I could? I’m staying here a couple of days, I’m on break.” He hated how defensive his voice sounded. He didn’t have any reason to be defensive, did he? Was it weird that he was staying with Levi? After what happened, he didn’t really think about it, just went along when everybody decided it was the safest thing to do. And he can’t say that he minded the turn out either, these last few days, well – nights, have been pretty spectacular.

A small snort of laughter escaped the other man as he straightened. God, he was tall. “Must be nice, I remember back when I was in college.” Now there was the condescending tone that Eren was waiting for. The boy cocked his hip as his eyes lit with mirthless challenge. “Oh, yeah, how long ago was that? You seem pretty old”

“No more so than the owner of this house. How’s that make you feel?”

“What, you another shrink or something?” Eren was getting tired of this. This was not want he wanted to deal with today. He kept sneaking glances out of the kitchen window hoping with everything he had that he would see Levi’s car pull up. Looking for the rescue, any time now.

“Cop” was his amused reply.

Eren just snorted, “That makes perfect sense then.”

“Oh?” Calm. Erwin was so damned calm, it made Eren want to punch him in the face.

“Why you’re such a dick.”

“Am I? But you don’t know me at all. Not like other people know me.” There was something in his voice … something … insinuating. Eren was trying his hardest not to take the bait but …

“Look, maybe that’s how people talked ‘back in the day’ but I don’t really know you so if you’ve got something to say, just say it. You obviously have some kind of problem with me.”

The taller man walked forward, just as calmly as before. His stupidly large palm laid on Eren’s bare shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze, “You don’t matter enough for me to have a problem,” he said as he breezed right past the boy. “Do me a favor, hey Eren? Let him know I stopped by? Tell him I’m sorry I couldn’t meet him for lunch.”

And without another word or even a simple look back, this mountain of assholes walked right back out of the front door like nothing happened.

The door closed with a small thud then a click and Eren was once again basked in silence – Erwin’s coffee long forgotten but the attitude definitely stayed.

“Fucking asshole…” he growled out as he moved to pick up his dishes from the living room. Turning the cable box back off, he made his way back to the bedroom. Once he was safely secured back under the mountain of blankets, blankets still deliciously smelling like Levi, he flickered his phone back to life and shot out a quick text to the raven haired man.

 

Eren: On your way home soon?

Cheekbones: Why? Miss me already, kid?

Eren laughed at that, a warm smile splayed across his face.

Eren: I might. You’ll have to come home and see if I do or not.

Cheekbones: … why do you make that sound far more appealing than it should be?

Eren:  ;)

 

He shoved his phone back under the pillow as he snuggled in even further into the comfort of the warm bed. His stomach felt heavy as he replayed the strange, and yeah – aggravating, encounter over and over in his head. Who was that guy? He’s gotta be friends with Levi to be so familiar with the place … he guessed it made sense for a health care professional to have friends in the police force but a guy like that? The guy was a total douchenut.

Eventually the boy got to the point where he was damn near ready to pull his hair out over analyzing everything so instead he just buried his head deeply under the dark, thick blankets. The remnants of his disrupted nap started to sneak back into Eren’s body, his eyes becoming heavier and heavier as the idea of sleep become more and more enticing until the boy finally fell back into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, the AMAZINGLY lovely comments you guys have been leaving ... I can't even tell you how much they mean to me. They make me want to write ... constantly drive me to write even when my health may say otherwise. Thank you guys so much for giving my story a chance and all of the amazing feedback. I love you guys, thank you so much!!!
> 
> Comments and kudos are ALWAYS welcome! <3 <3 <3


	16. It's Such a Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's back! Eren has sleep face and a whole lot of "what the eff was I thinking?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for the lovely comments and well-wishes in regards to my health. It's been a really touch a go period for me the last month so it was so heart warming to see all of the sweet messages I received ... you guys are amazingly lovely, thank you so much. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

 

 

“Hey, kid – I’m home”

A gentle hand nudged at the boy buried deeply beneath the warm blankets. No response, Eren finding absolutely zero desire to wake up out of the comfy little cocoon he’d nestled himself into.

“Eren?” Once more, just as softly as Levi’s first attempt.

An unintelligible grumble roused from beneath the fortress of covers, no movement still.

Levi smiled a little at that and made his way back out of the bedroom to leave the boy to his rest. He clearly needed it, the older man couldn’t help but think to himself.

Eren knew he should get up. He did. On some level, Eren could recognize the man’s voice through the haze of sleepiness but damn if it wasn’t hard to wake up. He wasn’t used to being able to actually sleep. No panic attacks, no nightmares, no staying up until the where sheer exhaustion just caused him to keel over. No, he wasn’t used to be so … contented. He was sleeping so much lately, he kind of felt like he was making up for years’ worth of fitful nights.

Still …

This WAS Levi’s bed, and said owner of bed is now home, he probably should get up. Besides, he wanted to see him. After the bizarro visit with Mountain Eyebrows, it’d be nice just to get rid of this nagging feeling that he maybe might be overstaying his welcome. Silly, he knew, but tell that to his brain.

He dared to peek his head above the warmth. The curtains open only a small crack revealing that the weather took a pretty drastic turn from earlier in the morning. The sky was a sickly gray ribbed with tendrils of green. Harsh rainfall slapped against the glass of the windows ruthlessly as a steady drum of thunder continued to bellow out. It was … really comforting, actually. The type of day to curl up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate (or, in Levi’s case, his beloved tea) and watch a good movie marathon. The thought of enjoying the newly discovered storm gave him just the push he needed to escape his little nest that he’d made in the other man’s bed.

Still shirtless and hair every which way, the boy made his way out to the living room. Only the far corner of the room was lit with a small lamp, the rest of the house was bathed in neutral colours cast by the storm. The steady thrum of thunder soothing him down to his toes.

Levi was sitting on the couch, sock clad feet perched upon the coffee table – a book in his hand and his glasses in place – he looked like home, Eren at that moment.

When the man looked up and gave a small smirk, he couldn’t help but give a goofy, lopsided smile in return. He knew his hair was a mess and his eyes were still blurry from his nap but that didn’t stop him from stretching across the sofa to lay his head down on the older man’s lap.

He could hear a soft chuckle form in Levi’s chest.

“Excuse you, brat.”

He just looked up with a grin at the man looking down at him with mock seriousness.

“No, it’s ok, see? I’m not in the way, I’m just keeping you warm. It’s all selfless, scout’s honor” he retorted with a wink.

The small snort from the other man made Eren giggle in response.

The few moments of silence were comfortable with Levi idly stroking pale fingers through the younger boy’s hair, the other hand still holding the book close enough to read.

“Everything go ok back at work?”

Levi sighed, book going back down to the arm of the couch, discarded, “I didn’t even need to go in, Hanji had it all handled by the time I got there.”

“What was it?” Eren’s curiousity piqued – he was picturing angry patients and screaming wards. Eren has also never stepped foot inside a normal office before – that helped keep the fantasies disastrously unrealistic.

“A patient’s file got mixed up with another, a small scene about medication, nothing spectacular.”

The boy frowned in disappointment at that, “How boring …”

“I feel like you don’t really grasp what my job is, kid. It’s 90% paperwork.”

Eren shuddered, “Ugh, sounds like Hell. Or the DMV. Which is almost the same thing …”

“Hm, sounds the same to me,” the older man agreed.

The boy sat up then, slowly lurching himself up off of lap that was becoming way too comfortable for his still sleep-addled mind.

“Oh!” Eren exclaimed abruptly, “Um, so Satan came by today.”

Levi quirked one black eyebrow at that curiously prompting Eren to continue.

“Big guy … Erwin, he said.” He snorted out a small laugh, “What kind of name is Erwin? What a dweeb.”

His eyes flashed up to Levi’s very quickly after that last part slipped out remembering that Erwin was probably really close friends with him and here Eren was bashing him to his face. He figured they had to be close, guy walked around like it was his house too.

“Uh, I mean … y’know … it just doesn’t match the PHWOAR way he looks, you know what I mean?”

PHWOAR was a sound effect that apparently meant something that Levi could only guess at, both eyebrows now up in amused implication.

“Anything in particular he wanted?” Levi responded calmly and then softly cursed to himself, “Shit … I completely forgot, I was supposed to have lunch with him yesterday.”

“Yeah, he said something about that.”

Levi looked at the younger boy then, the disgruntled tone of voice caught his ear as he waited for some further commentary.

Eren could hear Levi sigh as he looked up from his fidgeting hands. The older man looked tired, if not slightly annoyed. He couldn’t stop the small pang of panic as he hoped that _he_ wasn’t the cause of annoyance. That Erwin guy already made him feel like that enough as it is.

“He uh, kind of made it seem like I wasn’t supposed to be here. I’m not … you know, I’m not bugging you am I because I could totally go back to my place, it’s really not a big deal.”

He knew he sounded defeated. A small edge of alarm hedged his tone but he hoped it was small enough for Levi not to notice. Which he didn’t seem to; or at very least, didn’t call the boy out on it.

“What? No, don’t be stupid. That’s just how he is. He likes to swing his balls around to show people he’s got ‘em. If I didn’t want you here, you wouldn’t be here, simple as that.”

It was moments like this that Eren could appreciate Levi’s straight-forwardness. He really has been nothing but honest since they met and he liked the fact that he didn’t put on fake smiles or small talk. Made Eren feel like he could trust the other man at face value, which was hard to come by.

He laid back down facing upwards in Levi’s lap, the expression on the older man’s face imperceptible but that was ok. The boy was slowly getting used to that.

He snorted just then, “Well good … glad to hear it ‘cause your bed? SO much better than mine back at my place.”

“Oh really, just using me for my bed then?” Levi’s replied coolly, the hint of a smile on his voice.

“Absofreakinglutely. I’d sit on your dick even if you were a total asshole just to have that bed.” He winked up at the older man to emphasize that he was joking, a huge grin plastered on his face.

“Wow, kid … wow. That mouth of yours, shit …”

“You’re one to talk, I’m pretty sure you are a walking encyclopedia of bathroom jokes. I didn’t even know there were that many different ways of talking about poop.” He was laughing heartily now, the panic and unease slowly bleeding away.

“Lucky for you, your boyfriend is a charmer. But also an asshole too, so I’m told.”

Eren froze at that. _Boyfriend._ Um. That … word shouldn’t cause as much panic as it did. I mean, they were going out. Dinners, dates, bed-time proclivities … the whole shebang. So why did the label suddenly strike fear in Eren’s chest? He’s even thought the term ‘boyfriend’ in regards to Levi before.

“Eren?”

_Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriendboyfriendboyfriend._

_Static._

Why the fuck was he panicking? They hadn’t really made any plans to be exclusive but that was already pretty obvious just by the way they were with each other. So why did the word stick out like a warning?

“Eren?” came Levi’s voice, a little more stern this time, a little more concerned.

“Oh, man” the boy let out a nervous laugh, startling out of his thoughts, “gotta pee, be right back.”

He jumped up faster than Levi could respond making a straight bee-line to the master bathroom in the bedroom. The door slammed shut behind him as Eren walked shakily over to the mirror.

Even to Eren, he could see the panic laced in his expression. His stomach lurched at the physical trace of dread that he was currently experiencing.

_This is so stupid. So fucking stupid._

_This is fine, it’s fine. Boyfriend, that’s my boyfriend. That’s fine. That’s good. It’s not a fucking marriage proposal, get a grip. It’s fine._

Deep breath in … deep, shaky breath out.

His inner voice scoffed.

 

_Yeah, because you have SUCH a good track record with boyfriends in the past._

  * _Shut up._



_You know it, you’re going to fuck this up just like you always do._

  * _I’m not fucking anything up. This is fine. People have boyfriends every day and the world keeps on a’spinnin’_



_Yeah, but you’re not people – you’re a train wreck and you know it. What makes you think that a grown-ass man will want to deal with all of your issues, hm? He’s a professional, for fuck’s sake. You’re just another mental case he has to deal with. You’re a project._

  * _It’s fine. I’m fine. He’s my boyfriend. It’s fine. Everything’s fine._



 

Deep breath in … deep, shaky breath out.

Don’t puke.

Deep breath in … deep, shaky breath out.

Don’t puke.

 

_Project. You’re just a project._

 

He clenched his fists at his sides, unclenched and clenched again. Eren hobbled from foot to foot in a nervous dance as he shook his arms out trying to dislodge the jittery panic that was pushing through at an alarming rate. God, this was pathetic. Just a simple word throws him off this bad. What the hell is that? What is this?

He made his way to the bathroom door to peek his head out.

“Hey, I’m gonna take a quick shower, that ok?” he called out.

“Sure thing, go ahead” was the calm reply a moment later.

_He hesitated. Great, he hesitated … Levi probably thinks I’m nutso._

_Get a grip, Eren._

He began the process of peeling off his pants and briefs as he made his way to the shower to turn on the hot water. Not long after, the steam immediately infiltrated the spacious bathroom, loosening up his agitated muscles. Once the temperature was perfect, he stepped in letting the hot water wash over him without any delay. Heavy streams of warm, bordering on too hot, water cascaded down his hair, into his eyes, and trailed all the way down to his toes.

He grabbed Levi’s bath wash, the smell of the other man instantly calming his nerves as he lathered the clean smelling gel into his hair and downwards to the rest of his body.

His hands had a small tremor to them, the water and suds pooling at his feet. The smell enveloped him as he tried to focus his breathing to calm himself down.

One hand reached down to cup himself, his other hand lazily stroking his shaft. _Deeper breaths, take in the smells, feel the warmth of the water, and focus on right now._

Rotating his hand up and down himself, he continued to breathe in Levi’s scent as he imagined the other man in here with him.

_Boyfriend._

The edge of panic quickened the boy’s pace. Up, down, twist, up, down, twist. His breathing became heavier, more ragged. The other hand moved to the tip to place his thumb over the slit of his cock applying the right amount of pressure. His other hand continuing at an almost frantic pace.

Faster and faster, the water was not the same as lubricant, the pace was almost painful if he wasn’t so desperate for the distraction. The feel of his hand, the rhythm of it, continued to climb at a faster rate until his other hand shot out to brace himself against the shower wall.

He was close, he could feel the heat coil, and he could feel his insides tighten.

One, two, three harsh tugs were all that it took to get him over the finish line. Hot, white liquid shooting out in spurts down the length of him and onto the wall. The evidence quickly disappearing among the suds at his feet and down the drain.

The boy continued to languidly stroke himself until he grew soft. The release helped him to clear his head a little bit. At least to the point where he could go back out and put on a smiling face. To hide the panic. The panic that he wasn’t even sure why he was feeling.

He grew completely soft in his hand now as he finished the rest of his shower in a calmer state.

Turning off the shower head, he took a moment to just lean his forehead against the wet tiles.

_Boyfriend._

_Ok … so what do I do now?_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_Boyfriend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos, comments and bookmarks are SUPER welcome and appreciated! Thank you so much, you guys are making it so easy to enjoy writing this fic <3


	17. And It Takes Me All the Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boyfriend? Boyfriend. And, hey Armin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the lovely comments! They got me PUMPED so this chapter came out a little sooner than expected, thank you guys so much! I hope you enjoy it! <3

Eren sat curled up on his familiar couch in his familiar apartment with his familiar discomfort. When he came home the day of Erwin’s visit, he passed it off like he wanted to catch up on school. He could tell that Levi didn’t believe him, that he knew something was up, but he let him go anyway. The boy put on the biggest smile he could come up with, gave the older man a kiss on the cheek and a promise to call him later, and made his way back home.

When he had walked through the door, Mikasa and Armin were both there with her boyfriend, as well. All three of them looked surprised to see him, only Armin gave a small look of pity. What could he say? Armin knew him better than probably anyone. The plan was to stay at Levi’s until all of them agreed the coast was clear. The fact that Eren was here now … well, he could guess that his way-too-smart-for-his-own-good friend had a pretty good idea that something happened.

Except nothing did happen. Not really. Levi never pushed him, never made him do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. When Eren didn’t want to talk, Levi didn’t demand anything. All he did was give a warm bed and a strong shoulder to lean on.

So naturally he had to mess things up.

Bright side is that no one had heard from Grisha, it doesn’t look like he tried to make any other kind of contact. Not that Eren really thought he would, his dad made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to ever see his son again.

He had chatted a little with his roommates; idle, unimportant conversations about nothing in particular. A few questions about how Eren was handling everything, Mikasa worrying over the wound on his arm. Armin scolding her for making a scene. Mikasa’s boyfriend looking wildly uncomfortable and out of place.

Eventually the room fell into a semi-companionable silence eventually leading to Armin saying his goodbyes to go to the library before giving a pointed look at Mikasa. Taking the hint, she too made plans with her beau to hang out the rest of the day at his place.

“I’ll probably stay over there tonight, are you ok here by yourself?”

“Totally, video games and no pants – those are my solid plans.” Eren replied with a cheeky grin.

She just rolled her eyes, completely unimpressed, “Just don’t forget to eat. There is plenty to eat in the fridge. Text me if you need me, I can come back home anytime.”

It was a nice offer but he really wanted the house to himself. It was nice hanging with them after everything but he couldn’t quite squish the feeling eating at him, making him feel just left of uncomfortable and threatening to overcome him with worry if he dwelled on that feeling too much.

He gave her plenty of reassurances that he’d be fine, gave knucks to her boyfriend, and waited until he heard the click on the lock on the front door turn once they left.

A huge, weighted sigh escaped his lips as he could feel all of the tension in his body hunker into himself. His shoulders drooped and his eyelids felt heavy. Grabbing a soda from the fridge, he now sat curled into himself on that acquainted couch flickering through what little selection there was on Netflix. His mind wouldn’t let him situate on anything for too long before rubber banding back to what caused him to leave Levi’s house to begin with. Nothing was going to distract him so he settled on a movie he had seen a million times before to be more of a background noise than anything.

The next three days went on similarly. A haze of fitful sleep, gnawing worry, something semi-edible for food, chit-chat with the roomies (when they were home, which was barely at all), classes, and making sure not to look at his phone.

He had seen his phone go off several times. Each time he knew who it was. All of the missing notifications showed that they were from Levi, except for one stupid meme Jean sent him. He wanted to text back but he just … he couldn’t shake it. The term ‘boyfriend’ just kept glaring at him for some reason. On one hand, he’s really glad – hell, elated even. Levi was … unf, Levi was Levi. He was hot, had his shit together, and he knew all of Eren’s crap (well, most of it) and still wanted to be there. That meant more to the boy than he could properly give credit.

But then that other hand likes to make its appearance. Putting a label on it made it official and making it official made it lose-able. Just the last three days of falling back into the old routine of not sleeping and shitty breakfast was enough to show how much Eren had already integrated the older man into his life. What somebody like _that_ could want with an unemployed, asshole art student was way beyond his scope of comprehension.

He was too willful, for one. Levi always seemed to have a level head about everything whereas Eren has gotten into more fights than he could count. He would be the first one to admit that he lets his emotions get the better of him. Not to mention Eren wasn’t actually known for being … prudent with his partners. Sleeping with an already-in-a-relationship Jean aside, he’s had quite a few hidden hookups in bar bathrooms and stranger’s living rooms. Sex, among other things, was a good distraction from the anxiety. And the ones that didn’t feel the need to tell him their name? Even better. It gave himself something else to focus on. Sure, he felt shittier afterwards but that was always a problem for future Eren. Past Eren was an asshole.

He just didn’t _get it._ He didn’t get why Levi seemed to be sticking around. Eren felt like he had zero to offer and here’s the amazing guy that comes in, saves the freaking day (literally) and is nothing but freaking perfect. What’s the deal? Why Eren?

As much as he couldn’t stand him just based off of the first impression, Erwin was right about one thing. The age difference was really noticeable. Eren had nothing figured out. He didn’t even know if he could afford groceries meanwhile here’s mister perfect with his steady job, nice house, adult friends … it was just too … too … contrasting. There was nothing in common between them. The only thing they had in common was what happened at the bar. Eren was wild and loud, Levi was quiet and calculative. It was just too weird to him. And the more he tried to figure out the puzzle ala Levi, the more he just worried at it and the more he would start to feel that panic he felt with Levi dropped the B word.

_Boyfriend._

It had a nice ring to it, though.

The fourth day was a little different.

After finally giving up on the prospect of being able to stay asleep, the boy drug himself out of his room to make his way to some form of caffeinated pick-me-up. He noticed the clock’s time read 08:37, which caused him to let out an unnaturally frustrated groan before he made his way to the living room to work on some sketches.

The only upside to this whole “internal turmoil” routine was that it really was great material for artistic inspiration. Why not use it while it was there?

Hours went by in a whirlwind of too fast and too slow. Hands blackened with charcoal and inked remains, Eren had finally finished several of the sketches he had been working on. None of them qualified as ‘pieces’, per se, but enough to get the juices flowing for a potential submission into an upcoming show. Graduation was coming sooner than he’d like, he needed all of the recognition for his art that he could get, in the meantime.

On the kitchen counter he could hear a steady sound of vibrations. A call, then, not a text. He still ignored it all the same.

A few moments of silence.

Another steady stream of vibrations.

After the third time that the string of sounds played out, he finally got up to see what was so important. It had to be, for the person to call so many times.

He was surprised to see that it was Levi that had called him so many times in a row. That wasn’t really like him at all. A short text, yeah sure, but not repeatedly calling. Part of him was relieved that the man still wanted to talk to him but the other part couldn’t help but to wonder if something was wrong.

Other than the ignoring him kind of wrong.

He stared at the phone a moment longer waiting for a fourth round of missed calls. It never came. What did come, however, was a loud succession of knocks at the front door.

Eren hated the cold sweat that immediately formed, the fear that it was his dad couldn’t be stopped from forming. The last person to knock so forcibly had been him and the thought that it could be him again absolutely terrified the boy. He remained motionless by the front counter and waited for any other sign of who it was at the door.

He could hear a faint sigh and that sound was familiar enough to completely deflate him. If he wasn’t holding on to the counter with almost white, tight knuckles, he would have probably collapsed right there with the way his knees gave out in relief.

Levi.

_Shit, Levi …_

The boy took a few breaths in to school his expression into one of neither pure relief nor residual terror.

_Alright, let’s do this._

A little less sturdy than he would have liked, he made his way to the front door and slowly opened it to find a very peeved looking Levi. A very peeved looking Levi carrying what smells like delicious cups of coffee.

“Oh, goodie, you’re not lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Good to know.”

The sarcasm was just _dripping_ from Levi’s lips, the look on his face none too amused with not being able to get ahold of the boy.

Eren went to reply, offer some kind of flimsy excuse to his distance the last couple of days but Levi plowed right over him.

“Pack a bag, kid. We’re going on a trip.”

The boy’s mouth just gaped open at that, “Huh?”

“You heard me, pack light, we won’t be gone long. 3 days, max.”

“I can’t just GO on a trip, dude, I have classes. You have work!” the incredulous tones in the boy’s voice were rising to almost embarrassing levels.

“Not ‘dude’. Don’t be a shit, you know my name, use it. I’m friends with one of your professors, remember? I called in a favor. Now … you … pack … now.”

Well, that’s something. The inflection in the older man’s voice left no room for argument so the boy just shut up and made a move to numbly walk back to his room to pack a bag. Before he made it too far, a hand snaked out and grabbed Eren’s wrist bringing him back to face Levi before a small kiss landed on his lips. Oh, he wanted to melt into it. He wanted to further it. It had only been a few days but he _missed_ Levi.

Without another word, Levi gently pushed the boy back in the direction of his room to go pack. Only a subtle smile, barely noticeable, graced his lips as Eren’s own smile became as wide as his face. Suddenly feeling infinitely lighter, the boy made his way back and began to pack for this mysterious trip with a man that he suddenly didn’t think he would mind calling his boyfriend.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

>>>>> Side note, you can find me on [Tumblr](dirtyeffinhippy.tumblr.com) if you don't feel comfortable commenting on here. Warning, it's a lot of Dragon Age and other [gaming stuff](dontfeedthegamers.com).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! They just make me feel so happy and help me feel inspired! You have no idea how much it means to me, thank you guys so much! <3


	18. Home Is Where the Heart Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren begins to see an all new side to the infallible Levi Ackerman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, man - life has seriously gotten in the way! I am so sorry for such a long wait! Almost 2 months, that's insane! I recently bought a house and the stress of the move did not help my medical situation at all so it's been a very uphill battle but I missed my two boys so much, it feels so good to be back with them! Levi and Eren always make me get out of my own head! 
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the lovely comments and kudos!!! Every time I see the e-mail notification that someone commented on my story, I swear my heart does somersaults! It is seriously the best feeling, and thank you so much to the Levi x Eren fanpages that have shared my story!!! When I got a message about that, I couldn't believe it! Thank you so much! 
> 
> This chapter has been split in half, I hope you enjoy! The first part is Levi's POV and it ends in Eren's POV. <3

Levi didn’t really think about what he was doing when he made the decision to take Eren on this trip, he just knew he had to do  _something_. He knew the second that Eren told him he was going home that something triggered the boy from everything going smoothly between them to abruptly coming to a screeching halt. What exactly was the trigger was still mostly a mystery to him but things definitely took a stark turn when they were talking on the couch. Judging by Eren’s playful, mischievous expression immediately falling into one of abject terror at the slip of the tongue use of the word ‘boyfriend’, he had a pretty good idea it was about that. Did Levi want that, the label ‘boyfriend’? Absolutely. He wasn’t going to push though, things with Eren – they are delicate. The kid spends so much time in his head, it’s hard to get him out of it.  In spite that, he knew that pretty words and breakfast weren’t going to cut it. Not this time.

 He waited patiently for a text, a phone call. Something. Sure he texted a few times but nothing overbearing. More of making sure the kid knew that whatever was going on in that head of his, it didn’t mean Levi was bailing. 

Even so … there was no denying the trepid snake of discomfort resting in his gut. He hasn’t been back _here_ in ages. He never had any intention of coming back, it was in the past and that’s where Levi wanted it to stay but if he was going to get Eren to trust him with, well – everything, he needed to show the brunette that he could do the same.

The car ride was a long one. Silent, though not necessarily uncomfortable. Eren dozed in and out of consciousness, which Levi took full advantage of to sneak in glances here and there. Stubborn little shit. 

He hoped he was making the right move. It was a big step and he wasn’t sure if Eren would see it for what it was, what it truly was. Erwin was the only other person to see Levi’s roots and that … well, that wasn’t exactly Levi’s choice. Even four-eyes didn’t know the whole truth, though they did manage to squeeze out tid-bits here and there with their incessant whining and prodding.

His eyes focused on the road, he kept thinking in circles. This is the right move, this is the wrong move, Eren will get it, Eren won’t get it, he was being stupid, he was being thoughtful, it’s ok to go back home, and it’s absolutely not ok to go back home. See? Circles. Not fun.

“Burritos are people too…”

 Levi shook his head in incredulous disbelief and glanced over at the sleeping boy who has a pretty hilarious habit of talking in his sleep. A discovery that made this drive infinitely more entertaining. 

“Come again?” Levi whispered lightly hoping just loud enough for a repeat, soft enough not to wake him.

“Stupid, yer stupid,” he mumbled, almost unintelligibly. “Burritos ARE people.” He whispered once more, full of feeling and it took everything Levi had not to bark out the most obnoxious laugh he could muster.

“Right, kid. Burritos are people. Keep fighting the good fight.”

When he gave one final glance over, he noted that Eren had a soft smile on his face at that. Even Levi could admit that it was 50 shades of adorable.

He took a solid deep breath in as his eyes refocused on the road ahead.

_I can do this._

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eren couldn’t really say exactly how long the drive was but it was long enough for him to accumulate a healthy sized mass of drool pooling underneath his cheek as he felt the car make its slow crawl to a complete stop. He quickly wiped it away before Mr. Clean could see it and waited until the blush melted away before he unbuckled his seatbelt to turn back towards Levi.

Shit, the guy was just … beautiful. Yeah, yeah, ‘handsome’ is probably a term better used but that just … it just didn’t do the man justice. The guy was all angles and hearty stares, contrasts between dark hair and illuminating skin, muscles in all the right places, small smiles that were always genuine – yeah, Eren was hooked.

Clearing the remaining blurries from his eyes and stretching out the crick in his neck, the boy finally looked away from gawking obviously at his lover, boyfriend?, to look at where they finally stopped.

The area was … not what Eren expected as the destination for this mystery trip. He didn’t know exactly what he thought – maybe something romantic or relaxing – but this? This was straight out of the scene of a low-budget zombie flick. Every building, including the ones that managed to keep all of their walls up, were tragedies riddled with rust and grime. Trash flowed down the streets like abandoned pedals floating listlessly down a slow moving river. The smell of piss, sweat, metal, and gasoline assaulted his nose violently and it took everything he had not to add his own vomit to the list of offending smells.

Standing beside Levi, the sun’s presence was almost physical in its insistence. It was there, all over, the glare and heat oppressive and suffocating. It did nothing to obliterate the smell, instead doing just the opposite adding an all new layer of intensity to the wasteland of noxious epiphanies.

Sirens, both police and ambulance alike, dominated the area, each competing for the attention of whoever was unfortunate enough to be in the listening radius. Which was everyone, because they seemed to be coming from everywhere all at once. Men, women, and children all laid strewn about the street in varying displays of hopelessness, some in piles of rags, others in barely there tattered remnants of clothes that once were. Their faces and other areas of exposed skin so caked with the grime that seemed to cling everywhere that it was hard to see the colour of their skin. No race here, only a blanket of forgotten poverty and hopelessness.

Children either occupied the space close enough to who Eren could only assume were their parents or they amused themselves with games involving chasing rolled trash in a makeshift ball down the muddied streets. Very few cars actually drove on the road they were on but there was a graveyard of abandoned vehicles, ghosts of a more productive time – at least that’s how it felt to Eren. He’d only been here less than a minute and he already felt the weight of depravity in this town threaten to crush him where they stood. He had never been anywhere that seemed to snuff the dreams right out of you simply by standing in the danger zone.

“Levi?” came Eren’s tentative voice, speaking his name with the inflection of a thousand questions.

The older man looked … haunted. And comfortable. It was a strange paradox on the raven-haired man’s face and that only seemed to alarm Eren even more.

“Levi?” he tried again with a little more bolster.

The older man flickered his gaze up to meet Eren’s eyes, seeming to flash a violent steel as they gauged the younger boy’s reaction.

“Home sweet home” came the low, monotonous answer to an unvoiced question.

Eren averted his gaze immediately. There was something extremely personal and unnerving about Levi's entire, well ... everything right now. 

 _Home Sweet Home_ the voice echoed again in Eren's head. Home sweet home ... 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos, subscriptions - ALL SUPER WELCOME AND LOVED AND ENJOYED <3 <3 <3


	19. UPDATE ON THIS STORY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story continues!

So ... why there have been no updates is because I had previously dropped this story because I had a lot of nasty messages regarding it. Nobody wants to hear that kind of negativity for something they created, moreso with something they are doing for fun and as a hobby. But recently I've been getting A LOT of comments that were incredibly positive and that has definitely given me the kick I needed to finish this story. So for the people that are sweet and encouraging - thank you! Those simple comments make the world of a difference, believe me. Going through the chapters to revise some things and then the story will be resuming within the next couple of weeks. Thanks again! You guys are the best and I will do my best to ignore the "haters" from now on 

 

<3 


	20. King of the Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome home, honey.   
> Levi takes Eren back to his old home, where everything began. Will this help foster some understanding, or is this one past that might be too dark?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Only took a year but finally a new chapter, haha! I went back and edited every previous chapter, cleaned it up, made a few revisions - very happy with it! My writing style changed a little bit in a year, so I hope I don't disappoint! Let me know what you guys think! And here's some Farlan in here too! (see end of chapter for a notation on Farlan)*

After walking around for what seemed like forever in a heavy silence, they finally found their way into a broken down apartment. If you could even call it that. Half of the wall when they first walked in was missing. And the ceiling was dripping water. And three out of the four windows were broken in. Eren didn’t even want to begin on the smells coming from within.

That wasn’t what caused the surprised gasp that fell out of Eren’s lips before he could stop it. Nope, that was the ashy blonde haired man laid sprawled out in the bare living room with glazed eyes casually swinging to the front door where both he and Levi stood.

The man looked … out of it. Half aware of what was going on. His blonde hair a greasy mess sticking out in every which way. His icy blue eyes dulled to a grey, reddened near the edges. There was a subdued moldy smell emanating from him, punctuated further when he sluggishly propped himself up onto his elbows, still laying on the ground.

A small smirk belatedly tugged at the man’s lips, eyes – though still glazed – lit up with a faint mirth in recognition to Levi.

A small, disbelieving chuckle, raspy with disuse, erupted from the mystery man’s throat.

“Fuck me running, Levi motherfucking Ackerman! Must be a Tuesday!” he said, laughter giving Eren the sense that at least they were not unwelcome here, though ‘here’ was still up in the air for the boy. The older man still hadn’t clued him in on what exactly was going on. Eren was doing his best to just keep up with the strange turn of events.

“Farlan …” was Levi’s only response, muted yet loud enough where the other man could still hear.

“That’s it?” the blonde huffed good-naturedly, “That’s really all you got to say? After all the shit we’ve been through? You better pull me off of this damn floor motherfucker and give me a hug!”

Levi scoffed, eyes darting quickly to Eren before drifting back to the man by the name of Farlan.

“And touch those clothes that reek like the Grim Reaper’s asshole? No, thank you,” was the older man’s reply, his own matching smirk to show a joking familiarity that Eren couldn’t help but to be enthralled by.

“Uh, Levi?” the younger man spoke out hesitantly, unsure of what was happening.

“Farlan, this is Eren – Eren, Farlan. This is my house. Or, well, what used to be. It was more of a place for squatters than anything, went even more to shit after my mother died.”

That sentence was a loaded one, too much information – sad information – crammed into one tiny sentence and with as much emotion as reading off a simple grocery list. This whole thing was throwing Eren off. The more he tried to figure it out, the more confused he became. He trusted Levi, but now he couldn’t help that nagging feeling that this was the older man’s payback for ghosting on him all weekend.

Eren didn’t even realise he reached down to entwine their fingers until after he felt Levi give a little squeeze back. The warmth of their palms offered a sort of grounding to Eren, which he needed because he felt like everything was kind of spinning at random here and yeah, not as fun as that might sound.

The other man known as Farlan caught the small act, his eyes following until they finally rested on the two intertwining hands. If a shit-eating grin could get any bigger, Eren had no clue.

A small hum of acknowledgement vibrated in Levi’s throat, seemingly in response to the look of appraisal Farlan was giving the pair. Eren had never felt so exposed as he did right now. He wouldn’t lie, he wasn’t quite sure what to do with his hands at this moment.

The blonde snickered again, “Alright, I’ll bite – what brings you back to the neighborhood? Last I heard, you were done with us.”

Eren looked back towards Levi just in time to see the man’s eyes narrow a fraction, his eyes sharper … his spine straighter.

“I’m actually glad you’re here, Farlan. Wasn’t expecting it, hell – I wasn’t expecting anybody to still be here. I wanted Eren to see where I came from, even the shitty parts. Felt like it was one of those necessary things, stupid as it sounds. If anybody knows me from the inside out from before everything went down, it’s you.”

Farlan’s eyes slid back to Eren after Levi finished speaking. Suddenly, Eren noted, the glazed look in his eyes had all but evaporated. A clinical gaze held Eren’s own now and the younger boy couldn’t help but to wish for that smirk back instead.

The blonde started to slink up to where the pair was standing, his eyes never leaving Eren’s. When he finally stood toe to toe with the brunette, it looked like he was about to brush Eren’s hair back before a firm, pale grip on Farlan’s wrist stopped him in his tracks.

“Don’t,” was all the raven said. The clear command seemed to echo in the small, run-down room.

The grin was back, more feral this time. Teeth rimmed with yellowed crustations glared in Eren’s face. The smell of copper and rubber now intermixed within the smell of mold from before. He was so close Eren could count the errant hairs on the other man’s chin, the barely-there sunlight filtering through the grimy windows catching them in an almost auburn hue.

“Welcome home, honey,” was the sarcastic reply as he turned on his heel towards the dented-up refrigerator.

After a few minutes of moving multiple things around, some muttered curses, and more than a couple speculative glares from Levi, the trio settled into their seating, each with a cold beer in hand.

Levi and Eren sat on the sort-of couch (Eren couldn’t for the life of him think of how it was missing half of the back and both of its arms), while Farlan took up residence on a pile of ratty pillows on the floor. Even though Eren didn’t see the problem with sitting on the couch once the blonde laid what looked to be a clean blanket over the top of it, the boy could still tell that Levi would rather not be touching the offensive piece of furniture. At all.

Clean freak.

“So …,” came the sing-song inquiry from Farlan as he looked at the pair on the couch with an amused look on his face. “What makes Your Highness grace our presence again? Got a hit?”

“A hit?” Eren questioned.

“Ignore him,” Levi muttered, eyes never leaving Farlan’s face.

His back straightened as Levi narrowed his eyes, taking a deep breath in to center himself.

“I’m taking Eren _there_ ,” he said – a slight emphasis on the end of his sentence while Eren just tried piece together whatever puzzle he seemed to be missing out on.

Farlan’s eyes widened, “There? You’re serious? Why?”

Levi lifted one shoulder in a non-chalant shrug, “The kid needs to see it, I think.”

The blonde started to laugh, a slightly breathless sound – whether from disbelief or whatever drugs he was on, Eren couldn’t tell.

The smirk was back in full-effect as Farlan shifted his focus to the younger boy, “You must be hot shit for King of the fucking castle to come crawling back.”

A nervous chuckled slipped out of Eren, “Honestly? I have no idea what the hell is going on. Levi, anytime now?”

“Farlan, can you give us a moment?” came the calm request.

“The nerve, in my damn house too.” The protest had no real heat to it, more of an obligatory statement than anything as he rose to head outside, a pack of smokes in one hand, his open beer in the other.

Levi turned towards Eren, eyes suddenly intense as he looked at the brunette. “Eren,” he began, “You seem to be under some misguided illusion that you’re the only fucked up one here. I don’t know if that’s the asshole you call Dad’s influence, or just a normal kid’s ego but let me be very clear: You aren’t the only one with shit, with a past. I figured if I let you see mine, even just a little bit, you might finally stop trying to run from me. I know why you left, and yeah – it pissed me off. But I get it. I think it’s time you got it too.”

“Levi, I …”

“Don’t argue with me, kid. I’ve never done this before so if you do that puppy dog eye shit with me, I might lose my nerve. Just … don’t freak out on me, OK? At least not until everything is said and done.”

Eren had no idea what to say to that, his mind going a million miles per second trying to reconcile the man that brought him green-tea in the mornings, and laid gentle kisses on his back throughout the night … Levi always had a stern feel to him but this? This was different. If he were honest, he wasn’t entirely mad at it, if the twinge in his pants was any indicator. _Uh, not now, totally not the time to be thinking with THAT head right now._

“Yeah, sure – whatever you want, I’m game.”

A moment longer and then Levi dropped his gaze with a subtle nod. He knew where they had to go next, and the older man was psycho-analyzing his own self to make sure he was damn well prepared for this. Eren could see the inner dialogue plain as day, he kept quiet in respect for the situation – even with not knowing what the situation even was. Not entirely, at least. He was starting to get an idea, the fact that the heap of garbage they were sitting in used to be Levi’s home gave Eren a pretty clear indicator about the tone of this “trip”.

He wasn’t used to seeing Levi like this, the only other time he saw this infallible man seem a little more vulnerable was that night he had the nightmare. It reminded Eren again how little he knew and that thought just motivated further to listen to whatever it was he was supposed to be listening to. Suddenly the term “boyfriend” seemed so trivial, this was much more than that – he could tell. How much more, he had no idea but he knew he was about to find out.

“Let’s go see Kuchel,” Levi said quietly, “My mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you remember, I had Farlan originally as one of the baristas in the coffee shop chapter. I realised later that I didn't want him there, I wanted him here so I made the revision to have Thomas in the barista role instead.


End file.
